Holiday eating Tips

[Stone]

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave
immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt
scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You
can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that
it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn
into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for
me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them
behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if
you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have
three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some
standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.

Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

[Star]

I got that in my e-mail yesterday! LOL!

[Evil_CSM_Yu]

lmao - good stuff. I especially like the chocolate in one hand martini in the other. I always tell the health nuts "You're going to feel awful silly lying in a hospital bed at 85 dying of nothing."

[Duke]

lol, great list. I try and eat as much of other peoples food if possible. I'll usually ask my gf to bring tupperwear or some other storage container that will fit nicely in her purse.

Also, if someone offers for you to take food home, don't say no, ever.

[Merika]

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

GREAT life wisdom....as good as it gets!

[Duke]

Hey Merika, congradulations, you found the original thread.

Let's give Merika a round of applause :doh: :ouch: :bouncered: :bouncereflect: :jumpclap: :owned:

[Merika]

Okay....I'll admit it WAS pretty stupid of me since we have blinky lights for new posts on here. I also miss the blinky lights on my car sometimes......
:oops: One time I had several on at one time in my car and had to get out the manual to try to figure out what was going on. As it turned out....I needed oil and brake fluid.

[Duke]

Hmmn, now isn't there a post around here about how men are stupid when it comes to changing oil?

BTW, my daughter and I were at a gas station a couple of weeks ago and this bad smell started invading our nostrils. Shortly after, a woman pulls into the gas station with her two baby boys asleep in the back seat and her brake drums smoking. The gas attendant freaked and made her (I still can't believe it) push the car away from the pumps because he thought the place was gonna blow, what a tard. As it turns out, she was driving with her emergency brake on for about a half hour and her back brakes (disks) were frying the whole time.

I told her what the problem was calming her down, the gas attendant though I was talking out my rear but whatever. I told her to check and sure enough, her e-brake was still engaged. She said she noticed the light was on but though the B meant something else entirely. I actually felt very sorry for her because she clearly knew nothing about cars and the gas attendant had her so freaked out about a gas station explosion that she thought her babies lives were on the line.

[Merika]

Actually, one of the most difficult areas in being a single female is taking care of the vehicle. Men know how they work and can fix a lot of their own stuff. As a female....you have to be able to pay someone to check it for you....or find a male friend and take up his free time screwing with your car problems.

Some women know things about cars.....I really don't. I'm lost when it comes to that. Even changing a tire would be a major challenge for me unless I had a manual to go by with easy to follow pictures.

[Fayebelle]

LOL- My old car had a clutch bar prob (I didn't even know what the cluthc bar was!)- I got tired of calling a man every time it slipped so I learned to fix it

I can't check my oil but I can fix a clutch bar

New car- no clutch bar probs- now I can focus on important things like hovering over Santa cookies

BTW- SH I found that if you actually drool and salivate on a tasty selection you can guarantee a left over goodie bag to take w/you

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Fayebelle

I found that if you actually drool and salivate on a tasty selection you can guarantee a left over goodie bag to take w/you

GAWD.....that sounds like some of my dates!

[Fayebelle]

Best advice I have for that is stop wearing butter cream icing and maybe they'll control themselves LOL

[Merika]

Barbie with Butter Cream Icing.....I sound like a porn queen!

[Duke]

I hate butter cream icing, it's way too, buttery.

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Duke

I hate butter cream icing, it's way too, buttery.

I can't please everyone all the time.