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Old 02-24-2008, 11:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
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A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!
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Old 02-24-2008, 11:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Perhaps a bit dark, but this one:

"happiness is when one mind's deceives one that there is no reason to be discontent."
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Old 02-24-2008, 11:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
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The trouble with being punctual is that there is nobody there to appreciate it!
Franklin P. Jones

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Isn't THAT the truth?
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Old 02-24-2008, 12:05 PM   #4 (permalink)
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One of the signs you've eaten too much:

Your sweating gravy!

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That's ab-so-lu-tely hysterical! I won't get that out of my mind ALL day, I'm just going to laugh all day, I just KNOW it!
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Old 02-24-2008, 12:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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You worry you die...
You don't worry...
You're still gonna flippin' die.
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Old 02-24-2008, 09:29 PM   #6 (permalink)
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"I don't have a drinking problem! I get drunk, I fall down, no problem!"
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Old 03-05-2008, 08:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband. --Honore de Balzac
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Old 11-07-2008, 04:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time.
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Old 11-15-2008, 03:32 PM   #9 (permalink)
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A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: Women and fractions.
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Old 11-15-2008, 03:33 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Who says nothing is impossible - I've been doing nothing for years.

I don't know who said it, but it's funny!
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