trying to find my place in the world

venusfire503 · 06-11-2008, 07:02 PM

I have a degree in education. When I graduated from college, it was difficult to find a full time teaching position, and my husband (now my ex) was going to school, so I took what I could get full time, which was secretarial work. After he graduated, we started our family, and I ended up quitting my job after my first child was born. I never went back to work or school because of the kids, and also my husband's schedule. Also, he discouraged me from doing anything like that, saying I didn't need to. He worked tons of hours, and always found things to do (other than spend time with me and the kids) when he wasn't at work. He expected the house and kids to be perfect, which kept me exhausted.

I was a stay-at-home mom for 10 years, but a few years ago found myself in the middle of a divorce. My biggest concern other than my children (who are now doing ok) was how to support myself. I didn't enjoy being a secretary (and don't think I'm very good at it). But now I haven't worked for a long time, didn't go to school after college (which makes my teaching certificate more or less worthless right now), and am not sure exactly what I want to do. I'm very lucky to have some money left to live on for now, but need to figure out soon what I want to do. I did manage to get a very part-time job a few weeks ago (less than 10 hours a week) so I have something a little more current for my resume. I wanted to go back to school to get an MSW, but they're asking for reference letters. I have no idea where I can get any. I'm happy I have something to do, and a little more money, but it's not something I want to do forever (and it doesn't pay the bills).

I've googled what to do, but all the information I've found tells me what I should have done in the past (keep in touch with work related contacts, work part time, take occasion classes, etc), but it's too late for that. So here I am, almost 40, no recent work experience, no one for networking, only a few distant (we no longer have much in common) friends, and a stay at home sister I talk with often (yes, I've told her the things I wish I had known years ago). I am not involved in any groups or anything, so I don't really know anyone.

Also, my ex is a well known business owner, which makes it difficult to make new friends. I met the couple next door, and it turns out they're clients of my ex. Sigh.

Anyone have any suggestions?

Vautrin · 06-11-2008, 07:32 PM

That is a tough situation. Social networks are very important, as you noted.

I don't know what I would do, but perhaps a few questions may open new avenues for you to explore?

- Any chance of combining study and work? This is really dependent on where you are, so this option may really not exist.
- Any chance of combining the education with skills you have learnt in the secretarial job, or even as a housewife (accounting for finances, for instance)? MSW is broad, so use that to your advantage.
- volunteer work. You may have volunteered for your church, or your children's schools. There you may have picked up skills, or displayed skills which could be related to what you want to pursue now? Volunteer work is also a decent way to build up references in the future.

Luba · 06-11-2008, 07:56 PM

First of all, Welcome to Lifesupporters and our family, VF (Hope you don't mind the shortened version)

Getting a part-time job is a GREAT start! I would get out the Newspaper and check the "Help Wanted" Ads! Apply for anything that would get you into the Work force and meeting new people. Showing a positive attitude, enthusiasm, and a zest for work will really get you places. When you do get a job to give you extra money, you can still look for jobs that you want to do in the long term. Start small, be gentle with yourself, and things will work out!