Hello fellow members

[toothpix]

Hello everyone

well, to tell you all a little about myself...
i'm 27 years old, very little college...well, practically NONE. but that's a long story in it's self. LOL
I've been married for almost 10 years, technically it's only been 9, but it feels like it's been so much longer...is that bad?

anyways, i've been looking for a "service" so-to-speak, a place where i can feel comfortable to speak about problems that are going in my life without feeling judged, or going to an area online where there's no "immature, judgemental" people.

i browsed around you all's forums to get somewhat of a feel of the members. seems like there's a lot of family related members here. which, makes me feel oh the more comfortable.

anyways, if you all have the time...i'd like to get this off my chest, and i would like an HONEST opinion as to what you all, the readers, think. and yes, this a true story. i know...it's even overwhelming for myself, and still feels so surreal that this is all happening....


the issue that's going on...is with my family. well, on "my" side of the family...

both of my parents just turned 64 years old this year. i have an oldest sister whom is 41, and a middle sister at the age of 33, and then there's me, 27 years old. i know, a HUGE age difference between my siblings and i.

my oldest sister has 2 childeren, one just turned 18 in febuary...that's my niece, and a nephew who will be 15 in september this year.

my middle sister also has 2 childern, one head-case son who's 6, and a daughter who's 2 1/2 years old.

then there's me, i only have a 9 year old black lab. we've been trying to have a child for quite sometime now, but that's a different story, lol.


last april, i got a call from my mother telling me, "we need to talk." at this time, my parents lived in texas, and i was in louisiana. my parents drove out to see us in person to speak face-to-face.

my husband and i new it had to be serious, but we didn't have a clue as to what it was. they got over to our house, and my mother fell into tears. ofcourse, seeing my mother cry, instinctivly i do so as well...even though i had no clue as to what was going on, or even, what was going to happen or be said.

my father proceeded to tell the story. (btw, it was a saturday when they came over to our place in louisiana) my parents have a nice sized house, 3 bedrooms but one was being used as an office at that time. when my father snores, my mother (God bless her), she's too nice to tell him to roll over (by golly, i tell my husband to roll over when he's snooring, lol "anyways"), so my mother will go into the "guest room" if no one is sleeping there. if someone is, she'll go out to the couch.

like any human, even as gross as it my seem to even have the mier thought come accross you mind, but "OUR" parents "make love" just like any other couple. well, sometimes my father will go to my mother when she's not in the room. typically, she's in the guest room, unless..like i said, someone else is in there at the time.

well....my niece, who just turned 18 in febuarury, was sleeping in the guest room at my parents. my father went into the guest room unknowing that his granddaughter is in the bed. he thinks it's his wife! and i'm sure you can kinda get what happened next... in a matter of seconds after my dad put his hand on the covers and felt the "little" person (my niece is VERY tiny for her age), he immediatly jumped off. just in shock that it wasn't his wife, but indeed his granddaughter in the bed.

if you all sit back, now, many comedy acts do we see in movies, tv series where someone accidently crawls into bed with someone else by accident, ultimatly it's always with another family member of some type. LOTS.

anyways, my father ran back into his room to put some clothes on and came back and appoligized several times. telling her that he didn't know that she was in there, he thought it was grandma, not his granddaughter. my mother was sleeping on the couch when this all happened. she did wake up to the commotion, but wasn't very loud. all she remembers hearing is Janie telling my father, "it's ok grandpa, i understand, it's ok."

my father thought that was the end of that, other than the sheer embarrisment of what just happened, he just went back to sleep, ofcourse, in his room.

the next morning, Janie wasn't around when my parents woke up. they didn't think anything out of the norm, until my oldest sister call (that's janie's mother). she was telling my parent's now much of a "piece of ****" they are, and how they're going to rot in hell you f*cking perverts. and how this "has happened BEFORE!"

wait?
"happened before?" i thought
i said outloud, what the F*CK you mean this has happened before!?!??!!

[toothpix]

continued...

a long time ago, when i was a child, my father used to drink, and drink heavily. one night he was so **** faced drunk, he had no idea what he was doing. at this time, i was 7 years old, and my middle sister was 14.... my oldest sister was out of the house by now for years.

anyways, my father ended up going into my middle sister's room that drunken night. he rubbed on my sister's side, legs, and butt areas, and that was it.

the next day when my father sobered up, and he was told what he did to his midde daughter, and he tried to kill himself. he nearly overdosed on pills, my mother left me and my sister at a neightbor's house, and took my father to the ER. from there, he was checked into a facility to, 1) stop drinking, and 2) to find out if he's a sex offender. he had many many counselers who were interviewing him, and the child pertective service (CPS) even came out and interviewed him as well.

i was just a child when all this happened. i thought my dad went to rehab to just quit alcohol, he always got so aggressive i remembered. i always wondered why the councelers that interviewed me, wanted to know if my father ever touched me in a way that would make me feel uncomfortable, etc. and making me use dolls for an example of how he would spank me. for years, i never knew what was the purpose of those questions. now...they do!!

after all the observation on my father, and the surrounding family back in the late 80's, it was deemed that my father is in fact not a danger to any childeren, and that his intent was not to have sex, or fondle his teenaged daughter, and therefore, my father is not a risk to anyone in that fastion.


wow, i have to tell you, when i heard about what happened to my middle sister, and how after ALL these years, i knew NOTHING of what happened. it was like, as if it never did happen. i was a bit mad that i was never told of this. my mother said i was so young when this all happened...

well, i can tell you all this, my father has NEVER laid a hand on me in any sexual fastion, EVER!!

anyways, now, with what happened with Janie (my 18 y/o niece), her mother (my sister, my parent's daughter) has filed charges against my father. my sisters call my parents hurrassing them (it was far worse before my husband and i moved in with my parents. since we've moved here in june, they haven't even tried calling).

yesterday, my father got arrested.
charges: indecent exposure to a child
that's a fellony offense, btw.
his bond was set at 25,000 usd.
my husband and i posted his bond to get him out lastnight.
farthermore, my father has a widely known defense attorney. i'm confident enough that my sisters are making the greatest mistake of their lives.

oh, sorry...reason as to me saying "my sisters are making the greatest mistake of their lives..." is because, now my middle sister has somehow concocted these "mystery" memories, i don't want to go into great detail, but somethings she told me the last time her and i spoke, it really seems like she dove off the deep end. May this year was the last time we spoke.


i, and my husband support my parents, ultimatly my father. he's being accused of a hanis crime inwhich he didn't commet... and with him being booked at the county jail lastnight, being booked for fellony charges of something that he's innocent.

my father's extended family, his brother (only has 1) and his sisters all support him, my mother's side of the family also supports my father.

my life is a complete nightmare
i don't have many reliable real life friends that i feel comfortable speaking about this to them, and it's nice to go somewhere, that you feel that someone is there to listen....


anyways, sorry if some of this is skattered, i tried my best to keep things on track.

thank you for taking the time for reading all this.
any advise, or input would be greatly appreciated...
~Amanda

[toothpix]

can a mod please approve my last post to be posted...
i don't want to confuse any of the readers...

thanks

[Duke]

Originally Posted by toothpix

can a mod please approve my last post to be posted...
i don't want to confuse any of the readers...

thanks

Done, not sure why the post was moderated though, my apologies

I'm just starting to read through your thread above so please be patient, I'm formulating some sort of response

BTW in the meantime, welcome to Lifesupporters.com!

[Duke]

That really is one horrific story. I can honestly see why your father would have been extremely low when he crawled in bed accidentally with the teenager; that would make me sick if it ever happened to me. As a typical single male I look at well kept women on the street as I drive by and every now and again I'm sickened to realize I just craned my neck to look at a kid instead of what I thought was an adult.

It's terrible that your father has experienced what he has but these days you simply can't be too careful and I think that's ultimately why your father was taken into custody. I do find it odd however that he would be held on such a high bond given the fact he was proven not to be a danger to children.

The truly sad part is that this is a tough enough time for your family without the added drama of a sister spinning tails of woe and forbidding d00m. That's just ridiculous and it does nothing but make a difficult situation even worse.

I really wish I could give you some insight but I'm just not the person to give advice of this nature. The only thing I can say is opening the doors of communication through the family may help but then again that isn't a lock given the emotion involved either.

I know they say that time heals all wounds but if things aren't dealt with wounds heal but become scars that we carry forever. I do believe that it may be prudent to discuss this openly with everyone involved sooner than later. It may also be a good idea to talk to one person at a time and find common ground in doing so. I believe alliances help in any situation so the more allies you can make the easier the overall issue may be to deal with.

Again I'm no expert and I'm very sorry for what's happening in your family. I do hope that everyone comes to their senses and realizes this is nothing more than an accident because anything else will only see your families ripped apart.

[Luba]

Dear Amanda, my heart goes out to you through this very difficult time! I don't know what to say, other than I'm nearing your parents' age in a few years and the support of children is so important, especially as one ages and has made mistakes through life, whether by accident, immaturity, or for any other reason. It is so great that you are supportive of your parents; at least they have someone who hasn't turned their back on them.

I really don't know what you can do about the siblings other than to try to mediate somehow, above all with kindness. You are doing everything you can to be supportive, sometimes that's ALL you can do! It seems you are the only reasonable one at this time, most everyone else seems to be in highly emotional state, and reason then flies out the window.

Meanwhile, be gentle to yourself. You can't let this ruin your life even though you are deeply saddened by these events. A cool, clear and kind person prevails in these traumatic events.

On a happy note, I'm VERY glad you joined us and become part of our family! There is deep and caring Love here, and no judgments but plenty of opinions!

[TKDLady]

Amanda, Luba pretty much said all I could ever say. We live in a sad society where one misjudgment leads to an immediate legal action. It is worse when it is within the family circle. I tend to blame the media for making mountains out of molehills for most things. They only tell half the story and by the time you know the whole story the damage is done. I am very sorry you are being torn in different directions. I am sorry your sisters can't sit and talk this out like adults before going to such extremes. I don't have much advice for you but we are all here for you when you need a sounding board or a shoulder to cry on. Keep the faith that things will work out and just be there for your parents, especially your dad. I am sure he is beyond terrified. Someone has to be level headed and you seem to be the one. Please keep us posted. My heart goes out to you.

Welcome to Lifesupporters. You have definitely chosen the best site to get worries and things off your chest. We are a wonderful and caring online family and we all will do what we can to help you.

Take care,
Jeanne

[toothpix]

thank you all for your comments, and assesments.

i'm not sure if i can ever get myself to ever speak with my sisters....
we have such a huge age difference, and to be honest with you all, i don't know my sisters. i'm serious. we're not close at all, we're about as close as you are to a homeless person standing at the corner begging for money.

i only saw my sisters 3 times a year. 1) Easter, 2) Thanksgiving, 3) Christmas. some years my husband and i would see them a few more times, like on St. Patrick's Day, or The 4 of July. they would never call me. about 10 years ago, i made an attempt to call my middle sister, but she didn't return my call, and that was my last time. last year i was seeing a therapist for depression, that was one of the topics that came up in one session, was the "none" relationship i have with my sisters. but i even remember as a child, how my sisters "hated" me.

they had a great relationship with my parents. they would come over to their house on the weekends to go swimming, playing, BBQ, etc. it was like, almost the perfict family gathering until my husband and i would show up. my parents would welcome me (us) with open arms ofcourse. however, my sisters shund to us, it was like getting a tooth pulled at the dentist to get a conversation out of them.

here, i'm looking at a picture of my oldest sister holding me when i was about 9 months old. Karen was probably about 16/17 years old in this picture. all i can think is..."see? at one point in time, she liked me.." i almost want to mail her that picture, with the same inscription, "see Karen, you liked me at one point in time, what happened?"

my oldest sister, Karen, has a heart of steal. cold steal. she's started drinking again. she's been an alchoholic for as long as i can remember. at least since before her oldest daughter Janie was born, and Janie is now 18. seems like now, her drinking has gotten much worse. i think that's a part that fuels her aggression is the booze.

i over heard my father, in the state of somewhat crying the other night, wondering how his oldest child ended up being so hateful.
my father always taught us (me and my sisters) to never take anything for granted. money is only an object, not the world. try to be nice to everyone you meet, etc.

my middle sister has taken us all by surprise. we always thought that Ann was the better half of all of us.


please, keep in mind, what happened with my middle sister Ann, and my father happened almost 20 years ago, when she was 14 years old. what happened to my niece, happened this past april. my sisters believe, that my father (grandpa) was waiting until his granddaughter to turn 18, so he can "mollest" her.

can you believe that crock of crap?

so, when the charges of the other night (friday) came up, "indecent exposure to a 'child.'" my parents, husband, and i are still wondering, what "child?" technically Janie is 18, that's an adult by the state of texas. are my sisters trying to bring back what happened nearly 20 years ago?? "child"

my parent's have a meeting tomorrow with their attorney, we'll find out 100% about those charges.


@Duke: i'm not sure why the bond was set so high. i was shocked when i was told of that amount. my mother, husband and i went to a bondsmen that night, we only had to pay 10% of the bond to get my dad out that night.

yesterday, my mother went all over the house...took down every single last picture off my sisters and grandkids down, and put them away. all the grandkid's toys are in the garage, getting ready for a garage sale one of these weekends. the toys have been put up for some time now. what shocked me, is that my mother took down all the pictures. even the beautiful ones from my middle sister's wedding. Gone.


i don't mean to bum you all out. that's not my intentions. i just need someone to talk to. i thank you, thank you again.

[IR_Efrem]

Welcome to Lifesupporters

First I would like to say something as a person, completely outside of the situation. In fact you may want to read your own post as if you were completely outside of the situation. This might give you a different view or 2.

There seems to be some grey area, or perhaps just bits and pieces of a longer tale that are missing. I can understand why your father has been taken into custody. The law is what it is, and they cannot ignore claims such as these. This whole thing is going to be a life changing event, the sort of thing that can potentially tear a family to pieces.

I caught my brother doing "things" to my sisters and it tore our family apart. Some believed it happened, some didn't. I do not talk to my brother at all or any of the family that stood up for him, and this happened almost 20 years ago. Any time an incident such as this happens or a person gets accused (regardless of the truth) there will always be lingering emotions, doubts, and other emotions. There is no riding the fence for anyone right now because of the nature of the accusation.

Now... If I were in your situation (this is me not you) I already know what I would be doing, because I've sorta been there. I have to admit that I do not have strong family ties though and I do not have a problem forgetting about anyone for the rest of my life. For some reason it is easy for me to eject a person from my life.

You are in a difficult situation if you want everyone to just be a big happy family once again. Just because it's not up to you alone. You can indeed try, mediate, and make and attempt to show reason to everyone. Prepare yourself though, grow an extra tough layer of skin. You will almost need an emotional barrier of some sort because all the insults are going to get flung at you as well. Especially if stories are just being made up for attention.

This makes me wonder if something else isn't horribly wrong in your one sister's life (the one you said that is exaggerating about what happened in the past). These actions are not born from rational behavior. There simply has to be "something" wrong, and please do not think that I am pointing a finger at anyone here. I am no expert but I have had a few chances to see true mental illness, as a few of the other members here know.

If everything falls apart, all I can say is be prepared. Anything is possible in such situations. Including a complete division of the family or even a complete breakdown of what you believe to be the truth. I truly hope that everything works out for everyone involved and that sanity makes a return in the near future.