Funny Phrases

[Duke]

I play a game called Armed Assault and as much as I love the game, I admit it has it's flaws. Funny thing is, the community surrounding this game is full of people that are truly unhappy and as such, continually rip at each others throats.

Today I posted a real "can't we all just get along", group hug kinda thread and it seems to have spawned some truly funny responses.

The one response I found to be particularly entertaining is as follows:

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

Care to share some funny phrases you have heard?

[IR_Efrem]

My Signature?

[IR_Efrem]

Oh and..

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

[PepsiChic]

hahahaha i love that IR!!

i once heard someone at work say

"there are 3 kinds of people, those who can count and those who cant"

[TKDLady]

I got these from Merika in June:

ZEN SARCASM

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after y ou need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[IR_Efrem]

there are 10 types of people
those who understand binary and those who don't

[TKDLady]

Originally Posted by IR_Efrem

there are 10 types of people
those who understand binary and those who don't

I saw that in a cartoon the other day. That is cute.

[PepsiChic]

if at first you DO succeed, try not to be too astonished!

[Vautrin]

I prefer listening to music with funny lyrics.

[Luba]

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
-Woody Allen

Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.
-Mickey Rooney

Love is friendship set on fire.
-Jeremy Taylor

[Vautrin]

I spent a lot of money on birds, booze and fast cars. The rest I just squandered. -- George Best

(birds = English slang for women)

[Luba]

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
-Woody Allen

[Vautrin]

"The advantage of having a bad memory is that you can enjoy the same good things for the first time several times." - Friedrich Nietzsche

Perhaps one to memorise for those among us who fear dementia.