MidLife Crisis

[IvyRose]

HELP!!!

My mother went through one Hell of a Midlife Crisis when I was living with her. It lasted several years and I'm not sure if her phone number was written on every wall in public restrooms or not.

Yes, it was that bad. She was such a hound. She's embarrassed about it now and has totally changed.

I'm worried that I will do the same thing. I've got all the signs of it and I can't seem to stop acting like a cat in heat, clawing at the windows. Oy!

They had given my mother medicine to calm her down and it didn't work. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this and can give me tips on how to control it.

I don't want to mess my relationship up or hurt anyone emotionally. This is worse than puberty.

[Vautrin]

Uh, is this not the marriage blues? Since you have been married recently, I think it may have to do with the fact that you need to adapt to that. And that is much more than doing the usual stuff with a fancy ring on the finger you have to adapt to.

[Luba]

Knowing that you are going through this or may start is half the battle; naming it. I always come back to suggest that journalizing about what is going on within gives so many answers. It puts thoughts into perspective instead of just milling around in the mind and making one crazy. Sometimes the answers come through the end of a pen, they certainly have to me.

Journalizing lets you be totally honest with what you are feeling, doing and thinking, and accepting yourself and finding ways to move on or live through what is happening in your life.

[Scott]

Originally Posted by IvyRose

HELP!!!

My mother went through one Hell of a Midlife Crisis when I was living with her. It lasted several years and I'm not sure if her phone number was written on every wall in public restrooms or not.

Yes, it was that bad. She was such a hound. She's embarrassed about it now and has totally changed.

I'm worried that I will do the same thing. I've got all the signs of it and I can't seem to stop acting like a cat in heat, clawing at the windows. Oy!

They had given my mother medicine to calm her down and it didn't work. I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this and can give me tips on how to control it.

I don't want to mess my relationship up or hurt anyone emotionally. This is worse than puberty.

You're older and wiser that you were as a teenager........RIGHT?

Remember, Age and Experience beats Youth and Enthusiasm.

[Meanon]

I'd be wary of thinking this has anything to do with your mum or a mid life crisis - yes there are hormonal changes but all too often the term is used to disguise very real issues or fears that need to be resolved.

Some shots in the dark here:

Is everything rosy in the newly wed garden?

You jokingly told us he made you wait. Maybe the wait was too long and you need to make up for lost time

Maybe you are in a transition that will take a little while to settle. I think you said it was a fairly quick decison. Maybe it's just taking a while for you to adjust to all the implications, including fears for the future and the responsibilities of love.


You're way more responsible in terms of your ability to face and deal with problems in your life than your mother, so please don't let past history make you think you are not bigger and better than that. Recognise that this fear of turning into mother/grandmother is an understandable fear that you have expressed before, but there is no evidence for it and it just weakens your ability to break free of the past. You deserve your happiness, IvyRose, no ghosts from the past can take that away from you.

[IvyRose]

Originally Posted by Vautrin

Uh, is this not the marriage blues? Since you have been married recently, I think it may have to do with the fact that you need to adapt to that. And that is much more than doing the usual stuff with a fancy ring on the finger you have to adapt to.

Very possible. After telling friends and finding out surprising responses, yes it could be possible that I need to adapt more than I thought.

Originally Posted by Luba

Knowing that you are going through this or may start is half the battle; naming it. I always come back to suggest that journalizing about what is going on within gives so many answers. It puts thoughts into perspective instead of just milling around in the mind and making one crazy. Sometimes the answers come through the end of a pen, they certainly have to me.

Journalizing lets you be totally honest with what you are feeling, doing and thinking, and accepting yourself and finding ways to move on or live through what is happening in your life.

Thanks for the suggestion. I may just find an on line blog.

Originally Posted by Scott

You're older and wiser that you were as a teenager........RIGHT?

Remember, Age and Experience beats Youth and Enthusiasm.

That's what I'm afraid of. I could get away with a lot more things than when I was young.

Originally Posted by Meanon

I'd be wary of thinking this has anything to do with your mum or a mid life crisis - yes there are hormonal changes but all too often the term is used to disguise very real issues or fears that need to be resolved.

Some shots in the dark here:

Is everything rosy in the newly wed garden?

You jokingly told us he made you wait. Maybe the wait was too long and you need to make up for lost time

Maybe you are in a transition that will take a little while to settle. I think you said it was a fairly quick decison. Maybe it's just taking a while for you to adjust to all the implications, including fears for the future and the responsibilities of love.


You're way more responsible in terms of your ability to face and deal with problems in your life than your mother, so please don't let past history make you think you are not bigger and better than that. Recognise that this fear of turning into mother/grandmother is an understandable fear that you have expressed before, but there is no evidence for it and it just weakens your ability to break free of the past. You deserve your happiness, IvyRose, no ghosts from the past can take that away from you.

I need to move where you live and pay you to be my therapist.

------

Thank you for all the advice and suggestions, everyone. I will work on it.

[Meanon]

Originally Posted by IvyRose

I need to move where you live and pay you to be my therapist.

------

Thank you for all the advice and suggestions, everyone. I will work on it.

Gladly, but that would be a long way as I live in the UK

Good luck, IvyRose

[Luba]

IvyRose, in case you do take up journalizing, I suggest reading Julia Cameron's "The Artist's Way". Reading her books started me on the path to journalizing. She said that 'writing' is better than typing out what you are feeling, experiencing, etc. I thought I would do that, but I would type out my pages instead. Well, after awhile, I quit because I was making sure I had my three pages and I wanted to fill the pages instead of putting down my thoughts, experiences, etc.

So, later on, I took her entire advice and started actually writing the pages. Not neatly, just writing, writing, writing to keep up with my racing thoughts! It worked much, much better and I've been doing this for quite a long time. If I miss a day here and there, I find I have a strange emptiness...Writing longhand and even scribbling has become such a part of me, I have filled lots of notebooks. It's really amazing how healing it is, the Writing.

It's quite funny and endearing, actually. I will start writing about something on my mind, and before the three pages are done, something entirely different enters the pages, and I go "AHA" THAT'S what's REALLY going on! It's like delving into parts of yourself that you don't even know exist. It's really, really wonderful and awesome, and I highly recommend it! Julia Cameron is a Genius, IMO!

[IvyRose]

Ooooh, Art Journaling. There's a lady named Donna Downey that has filmed herself making some.

Donna Downey's art journal

Those are some she's made. She doesn't have a rule set of 3 pages, but that does sound therapeutic. I'll give Julia Cameron a look and see how she does hers.

Thanks Luba!