The Grieving Process

[Star]

There is now a Grieving Process article posted on the front page of LifeSupporters. It is an interesting read and I encourage everyone to take a look as we all have grieved at one point in our lives. There are also excellent links to grieving information for the whole family, including children.
www.lifesupporters.com


From the main page:

Losing someone you love dearly can leave an everlasting pain in your heart and soul. When I was 25 years old, I lost my live in boyfriend and the father of my child to a fatal car accident. I'll never forget the emotions and the pain I felt that night.

He had left to go to work out of town that morning at 6:00 a.m. and the Police came to my door at 8:30 p.m. to tell me that he had been killed that morning at 7:30 a.m. by a transport truck. The shock of this news was devastating. I thought to myself, "This can't be true, there must be a mistake" but it wasn't. My parents immediately came over to take care of my baby and his other 2 kids that were home for the weekend and I left to go identify him. All the way there I was thinking, perhaps hoping that there was a mistake somehow and that the person I was about to see wasn't him. It was him; my baby’s daddy. My legs got week and my dad had to carry me out of the room at the morgue. I was completely numb.

The questions were flying in my head. How can this happen? How could God be so cruel as to take my daughter's father away from her and his other two children? Why did he leave us alone? How can I live the rest of my life without him? What am I supposed to do now? Where do I go from here?

I had to be strong, for my baby's sake. I had to live life and hide my emotions while my baby was awake. Her routine couldn't change or she'd know that something bad had happened. My baby was my rock to getting through this pain I was feeling. She's the reason I woke up in the morning and got on with the day. If it weren't for her, I don't know what I would've done.

The grieving process is a long and painful one. Some go through their emotions quicker then others. Understanding grief is a major part of healing. Below is a list of emotions one feels while grieving for the loss of a loved one.


1. Denial and Isolation. We tend to deny the loss has taken place and may withdraw from our usual social contacts.
2. Anger. You may be very angry at the person that left you behind, at the world, with God and even at yourself for allowing this to happen even if there was nothing you could do to stop it.
3. Bargaining. You may try and bargain with God asking him if you do this or that for him, will he take away the loss.
4. Depression. You feel numb even though you feel anger and sadness deep inside.
5. Acceptance. As time goes by, you accept the reality of the loss and learn to live without your loved one.

Grief can be extremely stressful as you have so many conflicting feelings within yourself to deal with. The sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness and sometimes shame that you feel can be very stressful and emotionally draining. Denying these feelings and not allowing yourself to grieve can be harder on you then going through them. Talking to someone about your grief and being around people you know and love will help you heal from grief. What helped me recover from the loss of my boyfriend was doing my everyday routine of taking good care of my baby, being around people I loved and talking about it. There is a light at the end of this long grieving tunnel.

Below are some excellent resources that can help you deal with grief. This information helped me to better understand the grieving process and helped me to deal with the grief I felt losing loved ones that passed away after my baby’s father. I hope this information helps you as well.

The grieving process
Grief Scale
Parental Guideline
Death Education
Crisis, Grief & Healing
Children & Grief

The following are poems that I wrote in honor of my baby’s Daddy Angel. Writing these poems helped my daughter and I to come to terms with his death.

Why did Daddy Fly?


Daddy why did you have to go?
You left without saying goodbye
Did you love me? I do not know
Was it me? Is that why you had to fly?

Mommy said you had to leave; you had no choice
She said you didn't mean to leave without a goodbye
She said that this was not your choice
She said you loved me too much to want to fly

Daddy, I didn't get to know you
I didn't get that chance
I can't remember you
I can't remember our first dance

I'm told that we played
I'm told you'd comfort me when sad
I'm told that on the swings we'd sway
I'm told that you were a good dad

Daddy, if you can hear me
I want you to know
You'll always be with me
My love for you will grow
My Daddy Angel you will always be
Looking down upon me, protecting me, loving me
I now know why you had to go
Because God up above needed you so

Written by Star


If I Could


If I could turn back the clock
I would never of gone out that door
To see my family in such shock
Made my heartache all the more

My baby was my first thought
As I lay there begging for time
Please God, I don't want to go
My baby and I need more time

Before I knew it, it was dark
The world I knew, had gone dead
I'm sorry my baby for what has happened
I wish I could come home instead


It is now time for me to go
In your heart, I will always be
In your face, I want to see a glow
Whenever you stop and think of me

Please live life as if I were here
Please don't cry my baby dear
For everyday I am near

And every day I hold you dear

Written by Star

[Merika]

I read the article the first time from the original post and thought it was VERY good! I'm glad you guys decided to put it on the home page.

I didn't know you also wrote wonderful poetry....or do you put music to it as in a song?

[Star]

I don't put music to it. not musically inclined. I can only write poetry if I'm really really sad about something. I can't write a happy poem to save my life. weird huh?

[Duke]

I think your write beautifully star. It's an inspiration to me to actually quit because I'm not nearly as good at it as you are :oops:

jk

[Stone]

Wow that's really good star, your very talented

[Duke]

I hope we're not sucking the intelligence out of her. :dunce:

[Star]

Thank you everyone for the really nice compliment.

[Merika]

Don't we have a section on here for 'creative writing'? You should post some of you poems Star. And Duke....if you write...you should post on there too.

[Duke]

I write but it's a little more than G-rated material.

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Duke

I write but it's a little more than G-rated material.

You rhyme PORN????? Bwahahahahaha!

[Duke]

No I try to write stuff that doesn't make for good bedtime stories. I like writing about death, betrayal, negative emotions, horror, sex, etc.

[Merika]

I think, much as Star's poems, that writing out feelings helps people deal with them.

Perhaps this is why forums are so popular. It gives people a chance to write what they have in their hearts. As they share....they don't feel so alone. Even when no one reads what you wrote....I still think writing it is letting it out of one's heart and a wonderful therapy.

[Star]

Originally Posted by Merika

I think, much as Star's poems, that writing out feelings helps people deal with them.

Perhaps this is why forums are so popular. It gives people a chance to write what they have in their hearts. As they share....they don't feel so alone. Even when no one reads what you wrote....I still think writing it is letting it out of one's heart and a wonderful therapy.

writing is the best therapy out there. therapists will tell you to write your feelings down on a daily basis...a journal, because it does help big time. Writing helped me overcome a lot in my life. I tell my kids the same thing. they both write in journals.

Like I said in a prior post, the poems i can only write when i'm extremely sad about something. I've only written 5 in my lifetime. I wish I could write poems about more happier things that happen in my life but I can't do it. I've tried. When I'm happy, writing doesn't even cross my mind. It's strange.

[Merika]

The best songs aren't about one's happier moments in love either. People draw to those things which are meloncholy and speak their own pain and heartache.

I think it's a gift to be able to put in words what other people are thinking and feeling....but can't verbalize. It's like speaking for them and shouldering some of the discontent of life.