Forgiveness

Duke · 03-09-2005, 11:27 PM

Do you think it's a gender related trate, if so, why or why not?

darkangelism · 03-10-2005, 12:24 AM

i dunno, i forgive really easily.

Duke · 03-10-2005, 03:07 AM

I don't and neither do most of my guy friends, my gal pals seem to be a bit more open minded and forgiving in nature. I don't know, it was just an observation, maybe these people are my friends because we all have similar traits.

twinkle · 03-10-2005, 03:53 AM

It's something that everyone learns in the family. My mom doesn't have a very forgiving nature, I give you that. So it kinda stuck on me. On the other hand I'm such a goodie goodie girl, everyone would have taken advantage of me if I would have had a more lax example in my family.

Mom may forgive, she never ever forgets; sister fogives and forgets quite easily. Dad: I don't know. He is always doing the proper thing, is being taken advantage also... the exact embodimet of how someone should not be!!!

Vautrin · 03-10-2005, 07:23 AM

In my personal life I am quite forgiving, too forgiving if you like. Of course I know I am being taken advantage of, once in a while. By my friends, by strangers.

However, I never forget. Take things too far with me, and that is the end of our relationship / friendship. Reconcilliation will not work. Because it would not be something accidental that happened, but it would point to a character flaw; and I have no intention to be an intellectual babysitter for the person who can't treat me properly in the first place.

Merika · 03-10-2005, 08:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vautrin

I have no intention to be an intellectual babysitter for the person who can't treat me properly in the first place.

Good point V.

I can actually forgive someone for their actions....but still choose to keep my distance from them due to avoiding it happening again. The problem of holding on to unforgiveness...is that the only person it really hurts is the person holding it.

People don't seem to see things the same way. Chances are ...the person who hurt someone ...doesn't even share an understanding of why the other person is so upset in the first place. Therefore, if you stay p*ssed off....it just becomes another burden to carry.

Unforgiveness is like a giant ball and chain. It's just not worth dragging around.

Samson · 03-10-2005, 08:16 AM

Maybe I'm not bright enough to carry a grudge, or I'm simply to lazy. More than likely, I'm just to busy and unorganizied.

You'd think that with the advent of the "Blackberry" and similar hand held recording devices that interface with computer software like "ACT" I'd easily be able to record each slight against my person, each offender's name, the date of the offence, and whatever plan of revenge I might contrive....

Jeeezzeee, I've almost worn myself out just thinking about this alternative.........How do vindictive people do it??

Merika · 03-10-2005, 08:24 AM

I don't know if someone who is carrying around unforgiveness is always vindictive. Many times....they go through life without saying a word or ever doing anything back in revenge.

HAHA about keeping a computer program for it. It could possibly be quite the best seller.

twinkle · 03-10-2005, 10:31 AM

It depends a lot on what that person did. My best friend (or so I thought) never told me about one great scholarship. Yet she told other people.

And when I say great, I mean somehing like going to Harvard (in Europe it's a commerce school called HEC), having everything paid for and 1000E per month.

I will never ever forgive her fot that. The funniest thing is that she wants to go back home after that. I on the other hand want to visit much more and go explore much more.

Oh, well...

Stone · 03-10-2005, 11:28 AM

I am to forgiving I find myself giving someone so many chances that it get's out of hand then they are on my hate list forever.

Vautrin · 03-10-2005, 11:45 AM

You allow for too many chances Heather. I am the same way as you, but once across the line, they can forget it.

One time I criticized a friend on his opinions about certain things. Next thing I knew another friend was insulting me for almost 45 minutes. I gave him a second chance. But the minute he started attacking me on the same thing again, I walked out. We never had conversation again.

The strange thing is, the friend who was partially point of my critique, came to understand the point I was making. At first it was hard of course as the fight did not help set the mood for understanding each other.

Merika · 03-10-2005, 11:59 AM

V....sometimes I think two people will never come to an understanding because in their own mind....they are right. You would think there could be a 'meeting of the minds'....but that's a rare occurance. Usually, if you can't accept a person's opinion, it's best to stay away from them. Or...become like me and no longer CARE why they think the way they do.

Vautrin · 03-10-2005, 12:04 PM

In this case we became friends because we shared the same opinions. We still do, although there is no friendship anymore. It was a solid friendship lasting for more than 2 years.

The guy who was implied in the argument is still a friend of the both of us.

But I simply cannot accept being insulted for 3 quarters of an hour, and then the guy had the audacity to demand an apology from me. I did not attack him in the first place! So: not a chance.

twinkle · 03-10-2005, 12:11 PM

I share my flat with 2 other girls. One of them moved out with her bf and had some stuff to pay to the one that was going to replace her.

Let's say she wanted to take off saying that she's settle for that later. I told her to wait and called the other friend - who was across the floor, visiting some friends.

Well, she took it quite badly and ended up leaving and calling me names only to make me do the same - girl fight. Of course I didn't play her game and let her spit her venin.

She apologised in person and over the IM several times. She contacted me over the IM at least 20 times, because the funny thing is we were getting along quite fine. Sorry, I don't need that type of a friend in my life. I've forgiven her, yet I will never ever befriend with her again.

Star · 03-10-2005, 12:30 PM

I forgive easy but my husband doesn't. My best friend (a girl) doesn't forgive easily either.

I don't think it's a gender thing, I think it's a personality thing.

Merika · 03-10-2005, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vautrin

But I simply cannot accept being insulted for 3 quarters of an hour,

Yes....after about the first 5 minutes....I would've already whipped somebody's butt. No pride here.......... LOL!

Then again....I'm a GRITS girl. Girls Raised In The South