Diabulimia

Luba · 01-06-2008, 09:04 AM

ABC News: Eating Disorders + Diabetes = Deadly Mix

I've never heard of it until watching a "Dr. Phil" show! Why would women risk their lives by not taking their insulin in order to keep the weight off? I'm not being judgmental, would just like to understand....

TKDLady · 01-06-2008, 09:28 AM

Stupidity comes to mind! I guess their priorities are all screwed up.

PepsiChic · 01-06-2008, 11:59 AM

to have a eating disorder is a huge sigh of self-hatred. do you think they honestly care about the risks when they hate them selfs so much as to want to do it in the first place?

its the sad harsh truth in life, people that hate themselves generally dont care about the risks involved when they try to make themselves look and feel better in their mind.

Luba · 01-06-2008, 01:08 PM

GG, could you explain 'self-hatred'? As I was growing up so mixed up and no one to talk to, I believed, in a dysfunctional childhood, I disliked myself because I felt I wasn't loved, but I don't think I ever hated myself. I just chose to be the best person I can be and started gaining a healthy self-respect for myself. Guaranteed, it took quite a while to get where I am today...but it was a continual growing process!

What kinds of things happen to make a person actually hate who they are and not care whether they live or die? I'm not being judgmental, just want to understand....

TKDLady · 01-06-2008, 01:28 PM

No bashing to you intended GG. I don't understand is all. What good is being skinny if you are dead. If the diabetes doesn't get them then the bulimia will.

PepsiChic · 01-06-2008, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tkdlady

No bashing to you intended GG. I don't understand is all. What good is being skinny if you are dead. If the diabetes doesn't get them then the bulimia will.

dont worry, many people dont understand these kind of things, you really do have to be a sufferer of something to truly gain understanding of something. Im not diabetic, but i have been bulimic for 6/7 years of my life, still am.

the key thing you've said here tkd is

Quote:

What good is being skinny if you are dead.

generally people that are bulimic dont tend to care so much if they live or die, they get obsessed with trying to be a better person on the outside because they dont like whats on the inside, when it comes to the point of living or dying, most will just shrug and keep going till they die. majority of people dont care if they live or die.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luba

GG, could you explain 'self-hatred'? As I was growing up so mixed up and no one to talk to, I believed, in a dysfunctional childhood, I disliked myself because I felt I wasn't loved, but I don't think I ever hated myself. I just chose to be the best person I can be and started gaining a healthy self-respect for myself. Guaranteed, it took quite a while to get where I am today...but it was a continual growing process!

What kinds of things happen to make a person actually hate who they are and not care whether they live or die? I'm not being judgmental, just want to understand....

there is a key difference to disliking yourself and self-hatred.

when you dislike yourself you will try to change, to better yourself, but if push comes to shove you choose life over death.

Self-hatred is when you'd choose death over life because if change doesnt make you better nothing else will and your better off dead.

Many things can cause self-hatred, but its never normally one thing, or even two things, but a mass of things, big and small, normally linked, that causes you to believe your self worth is non-existent.

its hard to explain but i'll use some of my life as an example
peer pressure and bullies at school made me bulimic, i started to dislike my self image, the rape caused me to dislike myself on the inside for being a weak minded person, for letting it happen. a series of things then happened, from bad boyfriends, argumentative parents and numerous other things, these caused me to get more and more depressed, i blame/d myself for everything that happened, i figured everyone hated me or i was a bad person because why else would people be treating me such a way, i was anorexic for a while, on multiple anti-depressants, and finally tried to commit suicide. self-hatred is when you want to die. for whatever reason, you just honestly dont care if you live or die.

bulimia is just one example. when i gave up on life i would step out infront of cars, i would survive crossing the road or i wouldnt, i didnt care.

bulimia is the same thing, you take it so far you could live or die, but if you hate yourself you dont care.

hope this helps you understand a little more, feel free to ask anything else i will try help all i can

Luba · 01-06-2008, 04:16 PM

Thank you for explaining, GG! I feel so sad for all the pain that's inside for one that suffers these illnesses.

Does anyone ever get truly healed and love themselves at last?

TKDLady · 01-06-2008, 04:47 PM

I hope, GG, if these are things you still feel then you are getting the help you need and are on the road to recovery. No one is worthless and you certainly have tons of love inside of you which makes you beautiful inside and out. The things you mentioned were out of your control. You couldn't have stopped most of it, probably none of it. I just want you to know you are a very loving and caring person who couldn't be that way if there was that much hate for yourself inside of you.

PepsiChic · 01-06-2008, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luba

Thank you for explaining, GG! I feel so sad for all the pain that's inside for one that suffers these illnesses.

Does anyone ever get truly healed and love themselves at last?

your welcome,

i dont know if people can get truly healed, i care a bit more now whether i live or die, but its still inside me, and i cant deny thoughts of death and pain are still in my mind, if at the back.

obviously other things are still much an active part of my life, bulimia being the biggest culprit, but even tho i dont wish i was dead anymore, i do still get extremely tempted to hurt myself when i feel like ive done something wrong, i consider picking up a knife, cutting myself, i also keep having little "accidents" where i manage to fracture this that or something else, or i just ignore and do nothing about a pain/problem i already have. its a self-punishment for being such a bad person, or the bad person the self-hatred has made me think i am. - if that makes sense

i do fear i wont be able to love myself, but im trying, i think im making progress, i havent cut myself for years, i dont wish i was dead anymore, i havent attempted suicide since november 15th 2005. so i know ive got better, but its a long way away from loving or even disliking myself.

however now i have things in my life to help me move forward instead of keep hating myself, instead of someone hitting out at me when they are angry i get a cuddle, its an incredible change, one that takes some getting used to, but i hope that i can stop hating myself one day. maybe not love, but at least stop hating.

i am so incredibly grateful to you all, duke for persuading me to come here, and both you two, luba and tkdlady for keeping me here, your kind words are always help in the right direction

Luba · 01-06-2008, 07:37 PM

GG, if you can't yet love yourself, at least you are telling us of the pain you feel and not keeping it inside! I, for one, love you even though I haven't actually met you in person! I admire your strength, how far you've come from the suicide attempt.

GG, may I ask why you think you are a bad person? To me, a bad person is one who hurts others intentionally, is cruel, and has no regard for anything or anybody. You aren't that way at all; I can't see you intentionally hurting anyone, or being cruel, or not caring for others.

TKDLady · 01-06-2008, 08:17 PM

You are not a bad person GG. I agree with Luba as to what constitutes a bad person. You definitely don't fall into that category. You have just had unloving people around you for too long. You definitely need to get out from under it all and be with FB. He really loves you and I think he will be your ticket to freedom from these feelings.

Note to FB: Treat her good for the rest of your life or I'll find you and kick you a$$.

PepsiChic · 01-06-2008, 09:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luba

GG, may I ask why you think you are a bad person? To me, a bad person is one who hurts others intentionally, is cruel, and has no regard for anything or anybody. You aren't that way at all; I can't see you intentionally hurting anyone, or being cruel, or not caring for others.

mainly because i have a terrible habit for blaming myself for everything, i blame myself for the rape, the bullies, the insults, for letting people use me for sex, for being talked into drugs, alcohol, for letting my ex abuse me, for moving home twice for someone who thought i was worthless, for hurting people - yes i have hurt people, yes mainly unintentionally and almost always due to my insecurities but i hate myself for knowing that i have hurt someone. i find im a bad person for allowing bad things to happen to me - thats the easiest way i can sum it up.

your both such incredibly kind people to not think i am a bad person. thankyou

TKDLady · 01-06-2008, 09:31 PM

I have hurt people too. Mostly unintentionally. It happens. It is part of life. Stop blaming yourself. Like I said before, some things are beyond our control.

Luba · 01-07-2008, 07:37 AM

GG, I honestly don't think you are a bad person for letting things happen to you! Maybe you were just insecure about yourself; been there myself! It's really amazing to me to read your posts and what you've been through, and you STILL have amazing strength, a great sense of humour, and are a very kind and loving person! How could that not be good? I wish with all my heart you could see that in yourself, and get the sparkle into your life that you SOOOO richly deserve!! When you realize just how special you are, your life will take off and you will never be the same! Life will take on new meaning, I promise!