A bit bummed out

Duke · 01-02-2005, 05:16 AM

I hate to do this guys and gals but I think I'm gonna whine a bit. As you all know, it's been a pretty rotten Holiday Season for me but I still feel saddened to know it's almost over anyway. I can hear my daughter sleeping about 20 feet away from me and can't help but feel that familiar ping of sadness that comes with the knowledge that I'm going to have to take her home tomorrow.

There's a lot of things in my life that I've been able to control, as I get older it seems that I have less and less control over the events that shape my days. I feel like a slave to virtually everyone but myself and yet if I sit and actually think about what would give me pleasure while I'm alone I come up blank. The worst part of the whole thing is that I'm starting to feel like a stranger to the thoughts in my own head. I'm starting to feel detached somehow and almost feel as if I'm viewing someone else's life through a tv screen.

I'm not sure what it is that is going on with me right now, which is why I'm posting here.

Star · 01-02-2005, 11:27 AM

Is it possible that you're a little depressed? Depression has its way of sneaking up on you and hits you hard before you know it.

I wish there were something I can do to make you feel better about things. I know you've had some let downs and that's gotta hurt. The Holidays don't help either. Being alone on Holdays is enough to depress anyone.

What I do when I feel myself getting depressed is keep busy. That usually snaps me right out of it. I'll go on a cleaning binge or go visiting family and friends. Being around people helps.

I hope you feel better soon Duke. I really truly wish there was something I could do to help you.

Duke · 01-02-2005, 01:19 PM

Thanks star, it prolly is a bit of depression. Fortunately I've had my daughter here pretty much the whole time so it hasn't been that bad although I wonder what I'm going to feel like when I drop her off tonite. Not looking forward to that.

Merika · 01-02-2005, 10:03 PM

The holidays have a way of 'filling up the empty time' after a heartbreak and disappointment in someone you thought you knew and someone who should've known YOU well enough not to do it to you.

Now that the holidays are over and you are going to get back in your regular routine....you are going to feel the loss in a fresh way. Each person is different as to how long that pain lasts.....but other than whatever time it takes....you just go through the motions until you start feeling better.

It's a very difficult time and I really don't know what makes one feel better while they are going through it. You live in a roller coaster for awhile....wishing the ride would stop. One day....it will....and you will feel like yourself again.

That's all I know....but I DO know it to be true.

Duke · 01-02-2005, 10:43 PM

Well this time around I'm hoping my brain takes the wheel instead of my heart. If my brain takes over then the mourning period will be relatively short, if my heart decides to take control then I'm for that roller coaster.

Stone · 01-03-2005, 10:29 AM

I think you need to do something out of the ordinary for yourself take a small trip, ( if you we're a gal I'd tell you to go shopping :wink: ) do something for yourself that you really enjoy and feel good about it.

Duke · 01-03-2005, 12:11 PM

I'm packing my bags to come stay with you SH

Meanon · 01-03-2005, 12:42 PM

Quote:

The worst part of the whole thing is that I'm starting to feel like a stranger to the thoughts in my own head. I'm starting to feel detached somehow and almost feel as if I'm viewing someone else's life through a tv screen.

I had this once. Generally, I'm in tune with my feelings but there was a long spell when I was growing increasingly unhappy with my life, yet the only way of getting through it was to isolate the source of unhappiness, find other things to do which I got pleasure from, try (initially sucessfully but increasingly unsuccessfully) to be happy despite a difficult situation. I don't regret it, its worked for many years but it had some pretty unfortunate effects and the house came crashing down in the end anyway.

In an ideal world, it's better to face up to your feelings - express them, get over them. I read your other post. I don't agree that you should let your head see you through this difficult period. It's your heart that hurts, let it recover in it's own way, rollercoasters and all

. You've held it together in the hols for your daughter. Now have some time to yourself, do whatever you need to in order to make yourself feel better again.

Once you've done what you need to, your head and heart will be reunited and you'll be able to regain control of your life. Don't worry about being depressed, Duke. You are at a low point, a natural reaction to what's happened. You'll recover.

Duke · 01-03-2005, 03:22 PM

I can say that coming here and spending time with you fine people definately helps to take the edge off at times. I'm not sure how I come across when I write but you all seem to add some sense of caring to your posts in response and it's great. You all are truly great people and I'm thankful for having every one of you here.

Merika · 01-03-2005, 04:15 PM

I know what you are saying Duke. When I went through my ordeal....I just about posted until I had callouses on my fingers. I was on 3 forums...out of fear I would appear as a lunatic!

I agree with Meanon. Thinking it through with your head....only means you'll have to deal with your heart later. Best to get it all over with early on.

Duke · 01-03-2005, 05:34 PM

I'm not making any guarantees, I'm just going to do what feels right. I've only been alone for the past few hours and haven't really dealt with the shock head on yet anyway so it'll be interesting to see what happens for the next few weeks in my life.

Merika · 01-03-2005, 07:00 PM

Best HINT of all: AVOID the combination of music and alcohol. It has a sharp dagger effect.

Meanon · 01-03-2005, 07:07 PM

Ouch! There speaks the voice of experience.

Quote:

I'm not sure how I come across when I write

You come across as caring Duke, just like this place you've made.

Paul · 01-08-2005, 01:50 AM

You're a great guy Duke, just know that you have friends around the world that love and support you. You've been a great friend to me and others and you're doing a great job with this place, keep your chin up bud and know we've got your back. You've brought some great people together through your hard work, now it's your turn to vent and our turn to be there for you.