Being excluded/not wanted

darkangelism · 05-03-2005, 11:31 AM

I have an issue with not feeling wanted, i think it goes back to the fact that i am adopted and i have this deep fear of not being wanted. This weekend i was supposed to study with friends for a final, and each day went by and they studied together but didnt call me, then would be like are you ready for the test? so at this point i am really mad and hurt because they said they would study with me and didnt...if they were guys id probably hit them, but they are not so i cant do that and im really frustrated and have no place to put my feelings.

Rock · 05-03-2005, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

I have an issue with not feeling wanted, i think it goes back to the fact that i am adopted and i have this deep fear of not being wanted.

I have never met anyone who felt as wanted as they would like to feel. Everybody wants to be more popular. Then when you get really popular you just want to be left alone!

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

This weekend i was supposed to study with friends for a final, and each day went by and they studied together but didnt call me, then would be like are you ready for the test?

These are not your friends. Either they or you have misunderstood.

Quote:

Originally Posted by darkangelism

so at this point i am really mad and hurt because they said they would study with me and didnt...if they were guys id probably hit them, but they are not so i cant do that and im really frustrated and have no place to put my feelings.

Before you get to emotional about this ask yourself whether you assumed these people were your friends and consider the possibility you were wrong. Based on your description they don't sound very friendly.

twinkle · 05-03-2005, 11:50 AM

It's girls! Girls get VERY competitive! Go study with male friends from now on. and kick butts at that test! Make them wish they'd call you, LOL!

darkangelism · 05-03-2005, 11:54 AM

i assumed these people were my friends when we started hanging outside of school, going drinking, hanging out, spending time together, calling each other for no reason but just to talk about nothing in particular.

yeah im not sure why they are treating me like this, its really different for them.

as for being more popular i def want that, im insecure and was always left out of what the "cool" people were doing.

I dont have male friends in this class, 70% of all my friends are girls. Im not worried about the test, once i found out they were doing this i studied really hard, i know the material inside and out, i plan on showing them that they made a mistake.

Rock · 05-03-2005, 11:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinkle

It's girls! Girls get VERY competitive! Go study with male friends from now on. and kick butts at that test! Make them wish they'd call you, LOL!

This is a great response. I wish I had said it!!!! :bigthumb:

darkangelism · 05-03-2005, 12:42 PM

dammit, im losing my edge, i cant stay mad at them, i know im gonna be like its no big deal, i forgive people way to easily.

Duke · 05-04-2005, 11:42 PM

and then internalize all the pent up frustration for you next alcohol binge and dissappointment. You set yourself up for it everytime and fall harder and farther every single time it happens.

darkangelism · 05-04-2005, 11:55 PM

yeah pretty much.

Duke · 05-04-2005, 11:58 PM

It sux da, I hate to see you do it to yourself, your a victim of your own self.

darkangelism · 05-05-2005, 12:04 AM

yeah, i know, i just dont know how to stop, i think if i get one sucess ill be fine.

Duke · 05-05-2005, 12:09 AM

I seriously doubt it d00d. You'll have so much riding on that one success that if it fails you'll likely break all boundries that your currently locked in.

darkangelism · 05-05-2005, 12:19 AM

wait what? i have no idea what you just said.

Rock · 05-05-2005, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

I seriously doubt it d00d. You'll have so much riding on that one success that if it fails you'll likely break all boundries that your currently locked in.

What Mr. Duke is saying is that you are placing so much importance on being accepted as a goal that you will never reach it and continue to be more and more disappointed every time you raise the bar.

You need to lower the bar of your expectations. I am not saying that you should lower your standards. In fact think of it as a math problem in which your expectations are inversely proportional to your standards.

darkangelism · 05-05-2005, 10:52 AM

so do i fix it with cross multiplication? lol

yeah my expectations are high, but im not sure ho to not make them so high, part of it is that i expect both huge success and failure at the same time.

Duke · 05-06-2005, 05:15 AM

How is that possible? I think you wish for huge success but look for failure. I honestly think that you are a product of yourself da and really need to change your mindset for positive things to start happening.

I'm sure that you wear this cloak of failure as well and people see it whether you do or not. Your always way too hard on yourself which is silly IMO. Stop pressuring yourself or allowing others to do it and have some fun for God's sakes.