When You Can't/Wont' Clean

[Merika]

Dirt
Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.

Cobwebs
Artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If someone points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look confused and exclaim "What? And spoil the mood?" (Or just throw glitter on them & call them holiday decorations.)

Pet Hair
Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing hand-sewn play animals for underprivileged children. (Also keeps out cold drafts in winter.)

Guests
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

Dusting
If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "This is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes."

General Cleaning
Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself on the couch and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere." As a last resort, light the oven, throw a teaspoon of cinnamon in a pie pan, turn off oven and explain that you have been baking cookies for a bake sale for a favorite charity and haven't had time to clean...Works every time.

Another favorite, I think from Erma Bombeck, always keep several get well cards on the mantle so if unexpected guests arrive, you can say you've been
sick and unable to clean.

[Duke]

I don't have a dog.

[dogula]

There is a trade off for the dog hair all over the place, food that falls on the floor isn't wasted, nor does it need to be cleaned.

[Duke]

True, but no self respecting dog would eat the food I cook, let alone the stuff that falls on the floor. No wonder all my pets run away.

[dogula]

There is the thing, I have yet to find a dog that is self respecting.

And here is a silly anecdote: A year ago I was up in houghton/hancock visiting my sister with my family and we took the dog with us. We were driving around the kewenaw peninsula and stopped at some red rocky formation on the edge of lake superior and were walking around and the dog was having a good time. The rocks went right up to the water and there were some pits in the rocks that water would splash into and probably sit there for weeks at a time. My dog actually stood with his hind legs in lake superior and drank fetid water out of one of these little pools.

[Duke]

Then jumped up on you and licked you face. :spazmut:

[dogula]

Nah, I have a pretty good feel for what he is going to do before he does it. Since his breath smells strangely fishlike and he spends a large part of the day licking his ass I get out of the way pretty quick when it looks like he is going in for a lick.

[Duke]

I would think that armed with than knowledge you'd be waiting for a nice soggy doggy kiss.

[dogula]

Now that you mention it... no

I could always send him your way though

[Duke]

Originally Posted by dogula

Now that you mention it... no

I could always send him your way though

Nah, I'll wait for you big boy. The only difference being that you don't lick your own rear. :wink:

[Merika]

Woof.

[Ayla]

Guests
If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

I'm ashamed to admit it...but I've done something like that before. Once my mother-in-law called at like 9am on a Saturday and said she was in the neighborhood and was stopping by. She called to make sure we were home...TALK ABOUT THE FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLE BEE!!! I shoved dirty dishes UNDER the sink, I put everything I could get my hands on(mail, clean clothes,books...ect) and started putting it in a garbage bag and then in turn shoved them into the storage closet under the stairs...

It took 7 minutes to "clean up" and another hour and a half to "unclean"!

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Ayla

I'm ashamed to admit it...but I've done something like that before. Once my mother-in-law called at like 9am on a Saturday and said she was in the neighborhood and was stopping by. She called to make sure we were home...TALK ABOUT THE FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLE BEE!!! I shoved dirty dishes UNDER the sink, I put everything I could get my hands on(mail, clean clothes,books...ect) and started putting it in a garbage bag and then in turn shoved them into the storage closet under the stairs...

It took 7 minutes to "clean up" and another hour and a half to "unclean"!

I think we've all done something similar at one time or another.

[Merika]

That's HILARIOUS Ayla! Someone should write that into a sitcom episode!


Ayla's Clean Up Method.....

[Meanon]

Mine too! There are still a couple of bags in the hall cupboard from the last "tidy up".

Ayla, at least we're not as bad as my friend who regularly covers everything with sheets and pretends to be about to start decorating.

[Ayla]

That's a really good idea Meanon! I'm going to steal your friends idea next time!!!

[twinkle]

I won't clean when I'm stressed. When I'm stressed, I eat.

I won't clean when I'm tired. I just shove my clothes down in my armoire and go to sleep.

I will clean we I have people coming over or when it's been 2 tweeks since I last dusted my room. That's about it.

[Merika]

I think it makes everyone miserable in the family when one of the people in the household are either too messy or too clean freaky.

Most people find a happy medium and I guess they are the normal ones.

I wish I could wake up one day and relaxe instead of thinking on more more area which I could clean. I may not clean it....but it's the worrying about it all the time which drives me insane. It's really a burden.

I have gotten a lot better as I've gotten older though.

[Meanon]

Merika, they have tablets for that sort of thing

As a non-normal of the other extreme I'm not sure I agree that it makes everyone miserable. Depends on just how messy you and everyone is, I guess.

My daughter was so ecstatic when my friend tidied her room that I've kept it neat since. I can do it, if it bothers people I do but left to my own devices I'll choose to do something less tedious.

When I win the lottery, I'm going to get a cleaner

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Meanon

Merika, they have tablets for that sort of thing

I think we agreed long ago that I'm a candidate for some of the more serious medications on the market today! HAHA!

I chose, however, to wallow in my own dysfunctions. It's what makes me unique......


Can you imagine how boring forums would be if we were all normal???


If I had lots of money....I would get someone to come in once a week and do the floors and bathrooms. Also, I would want someone to do my yard. Other than that....I'm good with doing it myself.

[Meanon]

Your memory is shot too, I never said any such thing. Your foibles are what makes you interesting.

We have such opposite personality traits, particularly when it comes to love. If you combined us both you'd have the perfect woman!!

[Duke]

Combine you both with a 26'er of rum you mean ;-)

[Luba]

Another "great ideas" post that I could really use!! L-o-v-e it!!!! Less time cleaning, more time on LS, how great is that???

[Vautrin]

Originally Posted by Duke

True, but no self respecting dog would eat the food I cook, let alone the stuff that falls on the floor. No wonder all my pets run away.

And what about human beings? In fact, what are you cooking for, ?

[Merika]

I'm not a great cook.....unless it's a holiday and I have company. But I'm a total clean freak. I can't stand to come home to a messy house. I just can't do it. The joke is..if my house was burning down....I would die making my bed. I NEVER leave my house without my bed made or dishes in the sink.