in the middle between a friend and their SO

darkangelism · 01-31-2005, 02:09 AM

My friend hates the fact that her boyfriend gambles...she thinks he is addicted. Well i am a gambler and i invited hiim to be part of my regular group of players...we dont play for that much money, nobody gets screwed over or anything. So tonight he came over, 2nd time this week, and she flipped out at me and him for letting him play. I dont want to make her mad, but i also dont want to let her dictate what i do with others, even if that person is her boyfriend.

im trying not to rant, so ill wait to add more.

Star · 01-31-2005, 07:46 AM

that's a very fine line you're at DA. I, myself, never did anything that I know my friend wouldn't like me to do, especially when it had to do with her or his SO. My brother would do that with one of my boyfriends and it infuriated me to the max. I felt like he didn't respect me when he did things he knew i didn't like my SO doing. Friends are supposed to support eachother whether you agree or not. By doing what you're doing, you are putting yourself in the middle of things and that's not a good place to be. If he goes on his own without you inviting him, that's different, but inviting him will make your friend very angry. can't say that i blame her either. i would be angry too.

Samson · 01-31-2005, 09:00 AM

I have a different opinion: Presumably your friend is an adult, and capable of making his own decisions to play or not to play, when, where, and how, etc.

So, if I were you, I'd ban his mother/girlfriend from the game, and let him deal with her intimidation/guilt-trip tactics when he's off your property.

Merika · 01-31-2005, 10:14 AM

What is she......his BABYSITTER? If she doesn't like what he does with his free time....then she needs to find another bf. It's not like they are married.

Star · 01-31-2005, 11:11 AM

could be that he's always going out and not spending enough time with her. Hubby used to be that way with me is why i used to get pissed at stuff like this. and he used to be the same way with me back then. sometimes it's a 2 way street. they could be doing that with eachother.

darkangelism · 01-31-2005, 11:39 AM

yeah they are both adults, she just wants to make him into the person she wants him to be.

I think he is spending enouh time with her, we have only played together twice and one timr she came and the other she was at home already...she lives like a half hour away and he lives like 10 mins away.

normally i try to do what she wants but she always believes the worst in people, i mean she thinks im an alcoholic and wont drink with me.

Merika · 01-31-2005, 11:45 AM

You run into the fruitiest people DA. You suppose it's because your going to college in NYC? HAHA!

I think she should take this problem up with her bf....not put YOU in the middle of it by blaming you. It's HIS choice.....not yours.

Duke · 01-31-2005, 07:37 PM

Agreed, why the hell would you even be involved da? Are you trying to sabotage the relationship so you can hook up with her or something?

I'm on the fence on this scenario. If she's your friend and she confided in you that she didn't want this to happen then you should respect that. On the other hand, you can't be held responsible for what her bf does and doesn't do.

darkangelism · 01-31-2005, 07:46 PM

he is my friend seperatly. No im not trying to sabatoge the relationship.

He will play regardless of what i do, so i might as well have him play with me, instead of strangers.

Duke · 01-31-2005, 09:41 PM

Well if their both friends then just tell her that and that you don't want to be in the middle of their squabbles. I was under the impression that she was your friend first and he became your friend more recently. I may have misread your post or read it too quickly then, my bad.

darkangelism · 01-31-2005, 09:58 PM

no that is true, but just because someone was a friend for longer doesnt mean they are right.

Duke · 01-31-2005, 10:04 PM

All I'm saying is that it can be looked at as you trying to be a fly in the ointment. I saw it that way, doesn't mean I'm right or wrong but it likely does mean that others can see it that way too. Maybe your friend does?

darkangelism · 01-31-2005, 10:08 PM

yeah i dunno how she sees it, i think she just thinks im feeding his "habit"

Duke · 01-31-2005, 10:09 PM

Well the best thing to do is likely to talk to her about it one on one. Either that or tell her you don't want to be put in the middle of the situation. Either way, you'll likely have to say something or risk damaging the friendship.