Being jealous

[darkangelism]

This probably fits better in another section, but i wasnt sure where to put it.


Anyway, i hate being jealous of people, but it happens, and lately its been happening a lot. For example, i am jelous of my roomate because he hasnt been on a date since i met him, but he has a girl coming from cali to spend a week with him and they met once, i should be happy for him, but im not and i feel guilty for it.

The other situation is more compilcated because i mixed school and liking a girl, and i shouldnt have. I have a group project for class and I like this girl in the group, and we have spent some time together and she seemed to have fun, but she seems to like the other guy in our group, like i called her today and she was at his place, so when i found that out i wimped out of asking her to the movie she said she wanted to see. The rest of the group isnt any help either, one girl is the girl i like's best friend and the 3rd girl in the group is someone that i used to date. Im so jealous of this guy, cause if he didnt have that french accent i wouldnt have to compete. I want to ask her out, but i dont want her to say no.

Im trying to figure out my options. One i give up, two, i pretend like he doesnt exist and ask her out. three i could go to him and talk to him about it, cause i dont think he likes her that much, and he would prolly help me out.

[Duke]

It's only natural to feel jealous over someone who's getting what you want so I wouldn't beat myself up over it. I don't believe that you should let what she's doing deter you from still asking her to the movie. If she's interested she'll go with you, if not she won't. Either way you'll receive some confirmation as to how she's feeling and it will provide you with some direction or closure in the sitation.

Talking to the guy about it seems good but may not be the best idea. He may help you out and back off a little but you can't make the woman like you.

[darkangelism]

Originally Posted by Duke

Talking to the guy about it seems good but may not be the best idea. He may help you out and back off a little but you can't make the woman like you.

Yeah your right about that, ill cross that option off. I learned the "you cant make a women like you" lesson the hard way in high school.

I guess also, i think the other guy is a good guy so i shouldnt be jealous.

edit:

I just asked her to go to the movies and she gave me the biggest non answer ever. First she said, im busy, i have to help my friend with accounting, so i said maybe some other time...giving her a way to blow me off and not be direct. But she said, "we will wait and see" So in my head im like WTF does that mean, is she blowing me off or is she really busy...i never could understand why god/nature made men and women have such a hard time understanding the other.

[Duke]

I'd say she's not interested as she's giving you non-commital answers. I'm not sure I've ever met a woman who couldn't make a firm decision as to whether or not she actually wanted to do something together.

Of course that's just me.

[darkangelism]

Yeah you are prolly right. I just wont mention it to her again.

I will know for sure prolly tonight cause she is coming over...though not for the reason i want, she needs to use photoshop and im the only one in the group that has a copy and our school doesnt have it on their systems.

[darkangelism]

Well this girl thing was sorted out, well somewhat, the other guy, me and her hung out for 6 hours today, he has a gf and so he is no competeition. She is just indecisive and said she never has really had a bf or have has been on a real date, so i think i still have a shot and that she might like me.

[Duke]

Good luck, keep us posted.

[Merika]

Instead of asking her for a 'date' right off the bat DA.....why don't you consider just asking her if she wants to hang out somewhere as friends. Go to ta movie or get a pizza or invite some other joint friends. Some females just don't want to jump in the date thing right away because then if it doesn't pan out....they are stuck feeling uncomfortable around you.

Let her get to know you first as a person....THEN you can both decide if you want to take it further than that.

[darkangelism]

Yeah i think she is like that, she said she has never had someone she called her bf. The biggest issue is that she is busy and when i ask her to do something she says she is busy and i cant tell if she is blowing me off.

We dont really have many joint friends, but after our project presentation is finished tomorrow night we are going back to an apartment and drinking wine to celebrate, so i will have a nice relaxed time to talk to her. Yesterday i did have a good amount of time with her and the other guy in our group, as we took him to wendy's for the first time in his life.

Right now the more i see her the better cause i get to try and show how good i am.

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Merika

Instead of asking her for a 'date' right off the bat DA.....why don't you consider just asking her if she wants to hang out somewhere as friends. Go to ta movie or get a pizza or invite some other joint friends. Some females just don't want to jump in the date thing right away because then if it doesn't pan out....they are stuck feeling uncomfortable around you.

Let her get to know you first as a person....THEN you can both decide if you want to take it further than that.

Really, I usually force myself onto a woman I'm interested in. Maybe I've just been lucky with mutual attraction. Actually, now that I think of it, I've asked out maybe two women in my life, all the others persued me.

[Merika]

That was Wappy and Dogula you asked out and they both said NO. :obsessed: :squeeze:

[Duke]

That's what you think grasshopper.

[darkangelism]

I dont think anything will happen with that girl that i like, i hung out ith her tonight at the bar, she invited me to spend new year's with her, but she wouldnt let me walk her home, and she seemed interested in this other better looking guy. Im drunk and it hurts, i walked two miles home instead of the subway or taxi just so i could vent my feelings. Im just gonna give up, its not worth it. Not just her, but all girls, why bother putting myself out theree, if nobody cares.

[Duke]

I'm not sure that's the case d00d. I think maybe your looking for too much too soon and prolly lack self confidence. Getting a woman interested if your wearing this on your sleeves will never work.

[darkangelism]

yeah ur right about the self confidence thing...and being drunk when i posted, wasnt the best either.

I guess most of my problem is in my head, wondering if she went home with the guy, she was so drunk that she would have done pretty much anything, that is what is bothering me, oh well, out of my control.

[Stone]

Dukes right, you need to work on your self confidence before you even try to date anyone... you can't love anyone if you can't love yourself.. try dr. Dwyer or a Tony Robins books or tapes there really good to develope confidence, plus I think if I remember right you are in advertising/ Marketing? That job takes a lot of confidence, self esteem ect. You have to sell yourself before you can sell a product. :wink:

[darkangelism]

I have fake confidence, so i look confident, unless i tell you that im not.


I have real confidence in most things, so i can sell sell my ideas in marketing fine...i just fall apart when it comes to girls.

[Duke]

So transfer it to women and all will be well. Your biggest problem da is thinking of women as women, their not really that different from us really. We all have the same thoughts and feelings it's just some things occur to women more than they do men and vice versa. I remember feeling shy around women as a teenager but once I started treating them as a good guy friend I became irresistable to them, or so it seemed. I really think that women want to be pampered at some points (as men do) but they also want to be treated pretty much the same as you do. That means you never talk to a woman, you are talking to a man with different genetic attributes.

I'm not saying the above is a hard and fast rule, but it has worked with me forever. I'm not the best looking and I do have some self esteem issues but we all do somewhere deep down. The trick is to not let it rise to the surface and take over your identity. There's no difference between us da with that one exception I bet.

[Merika]

Originally Posted by Duke

That means you never talk to a woman, you are talking to a man with different genetic attributes.

What an excellent point Duke! I also think that women who get along easily with men is due to understanding the same thing.

I think people tend to get shy around the oposite sex....not realizing they can socialize and interact with them the same way they do within their own sex. There really is no mystery to it.

[darkangelism]

Yeah, i need to change how i view women, thats not gonna be easy.


Anyway, i flip flopped, on what happened...i feel like kerry,lol, anyway last night when i was drunk, i wrote her an email basically saying that i like her and that i know she likes me too, it was so cocky. Later when i realized what i did i wrote her another email telling her not to read the first. I then called her to make sure she got home ok. Anyway this morning she calls me and thanked me for calling her and seeing if she was ok, she left a message for me. Then later she was online and she told me that she had read the emails, and that she still wanted me to visit her for New Year's because her parents would be away probably and i could spend the night with her. So knowing that i like her she invites me to spend the night, on a day that is second only to valentines day for having fun. :wink: i think that my cocky ass email, pulled her heart strings and she wants me now.


The whole thing isnt 100% for sure that im even going, but if i do i think something will happen, even if nothing does i will be away from my parents. She lives 8 hours from me so its not exactly a short drive...im in oklahoma she is in st louis. I can easily explain this to my parents for once too, i have another friend in st louis and that makes it a lot easier...also a LS/cupid/yack member, dolphinsunshyne lives there, so i might try and contact her.

[Duke]

I hope things work out for the best but it sounds to me that you are setting yourself up for disappointment if it doesn't work out. I'm not sure, but it's the feeling I got from your last post.

[Merika]

You are a young man now DA.....you shouldn't have to hide any relationship you may be persuing from your parents. Maybe you are still seeing yourself as a kid...rather than a young adult and finding the confidence with knowing that you are.

[darkangelism]

yeah i probably am setting myself up for disappointment, but i will have 8 hours to think about it on the drive home, probably less cause it takes 8 hrs when im with my dad and am doing the speed limit. I set myself up for dissappointment a lot, mostly cause i set really high expectations for myself.


Its not the fact of me having a relationship or a potential relationship that i am hiding, just the fact that my parents will be all in my business about it, they will be anyway cause i will tell them im visiting a friend there and that it is a girl. They put a lot of pressure on me to date, every time i go home they ask if im seeing anybody or any potential girls, i hate it, even if there was somebody i wouldnt tell them for a long time.

[Duke]

Tell them to back off da, their not helping you at all. It's tough enough finding a partner that shares the care but it's even harder if you have to give a play by play in front of an audience.

[Merika]

I think there comes a time in everyone's life when they have to separate emotionally from their parents in terms of approval. Some people, such as myself, don't do this until way later in their adulthood. Mustering up the correct words to advise them that I was an adult and would be making my own decisions.....was difficult....but necessary.

I'm not suggesting that anyone should ever be disrespectful to their parents....but there IS that time you have to state who you are and that you are no longer their little child.

Sometimes, I even think parents are relieved. It's a good feeling to see one of your children enter into adulthood and state they are now going to take responsibility for it.