who has elderly parents

[orianna]

We all have parents naturaly,but who has elderly parents that they may be looking after,as i need some advice.My beautiful mother lives next door in the country(so accross the paddock) she is becoming frail but can get around so we help with things ,washing ,doctors food ect,But i dont want to take over her small bit of indepenence,then somedays i feel like i,m not dooing enought,i do work and am going to cut down hours and probably stop next year to have quality time with her,but some days i find it hard to see her getting worn out and enjoy her vists more when she is well ,just like to se what others have done in there family? thanks for listening

[Luba]

I lost my parents within four months of each other when I was thirty-three years old. I loved them so very much even though there were many, many problems between the two of them which, of course, not trickled, but cascaded down to three kids. Just thinking about this, it has never occurred to me before why the three of us have never sat down and talked about it, instead, enveloped ourselves in our separate lives. Maybe it has to do with my brothers not getting along...oh, well...where did THAT come from?

Sorry, Orianna, got off on a tangent there...it sounds like you are helping without taking away her independence...all I can say is "Wow"...how great is that? Doing everything for her is enabling, and that is not good for her, IMHO. Frail or not, if she strives for independence, let her do for herself..I think that is a loving gift to her. You are a great daughter and are there when she needs you and you have to take care of yourself and your needs as well.

[captaincash]

i can't respond because my mom posts on here and she would think i'm calling her old. but i do think about her getting older and plan to make sure i have the money to take care of her when the time comes.

[orianna]

That is great that you are thinking of when she needs you ,you will be there,just as they were when they patched our knees, sat with us at night and helped us get to where we are today,good on you .

[Vautrin]

It is a tough situation. My deceased grandmother loved her independence, but often got angry, because she was unable to take care of herself during the final years of her life. She took that out on whomever was around. Not too nice.

Of course, things were not made better, as she started to suffer from dementia as well. And forgetting things, making up stories (as is prone to happen) and memories. Thus leading to new issues, as she thought she had dealt with an issue, or not, when the opposite was the case.

Her children were forced to put her in a retirement home - she just could not live on her own anymore. Luckily 4 of her 5 children lived less than 25 kilometres / 16 miles from her, and her family visited her regularly. She eventually succumbed to a cancer - and died in peace.