Should my daughter pay "rent"?

[thommo]

My two daughters, aged 24 and 22, have to vacate their apartment and are moving back to live with us for a while (Jan 2005). Our house is small and conditions will be a bit cramped.
I don't support my older daughter at all as she is in a full-time job. I pay her share of the apartment rent for my younger daughter ($110 pw) and give her some food money ($30). She is a student and has a part-time, secure job bringing in a minimum of $150 clear pw.
Seeing both are earning, I have asked them to pay towards extra costs (food, elect., water, laundry). My older daughter is more than happy to pay $50 to cover her costs. She wanted to pay more but I don't want to be making money out of her.
My younger daughter has a very different approach. She is FURIOUS that I should be charging her "rent" (I'm asking $30 from her). She's a great saver and is hell-bent on buying a car and does not see why her PARENTS should be so mercenary. NONE OF HER FRIENDS' PARENTS ARE LIKE THIS!
To me, even if her living costs would be no financial burden (which is not the case as we're not that flush), it's the principle that it's not right to FREELOAD that I believe in. So I'm sticking to my guns and now it looks like she's going to boycott Christmas day with us!

Dear Forum,

Tell me what YOU THINK. Would be most grateful,

John

[Duke]

Nice meeting you John, you'll notice a welcome message in your Private Message Inbox and recognition of you as our newest member in the Welcome to Lifesupporters.com forum.

As for your problem, I'd say your a very generous person and should be proud of yourself. My dad charged me much more and I'm convinced it all became beer money. I'm assuming the $30 is per week as well so thats what I'm commenting to.

Maybe asking her what she thinks is a fair price may help to diffuse the situation a bit. You may find that over the course of the discussion, she may actually become a bit more aware of why she has to contribute such a small amount to the household. Another point that might be in your best interest to get across is that there's nowhere that she can stay for that cheap and have stability.

BTW, the whole my friends don't have to pay thing is a total line of crap. Most often they have no idea what their talking about and are rarely comparing apples to apples. Yes there's some kids that always move back home and stay free, I'm wagering there's even more who stay at home and not only pay, but do chores and contribute to the run of the household.

I'm not sure if any of this actually answers your question. I guess I'm just siding with you and don't believe you should have to cave into her lack of understanding.

Ken

[Stone]

I think she should pay, $30.00 isn't much to ask so should be happy to help out. I think she will come around. But I also agree that you should stick to your guns.

[TZummer]

I've discussed similar things with my parents before and I have several friends who have different situations which I have discussed with them before, so it might provide a little insight.

I personally, don't have to pay any rent as long as I stay in school over part time and work a consistant job, or am actively hunting for a job. I'e already talked to my parents about after I graduate, and it has been decided that I will be paying about $50 a week for room and board as long as I stay home. The price is not much, but this is to help e get on my feet becaue they already know I have plans on buying a lot and building a house abotu 5 years after I graduate.

I have a friend, he stays in a house his parents own. They do not charge him rent, but he is required to upkeep the property, and responsible for all bills him and his brother accumulate.

A second friend I have lives at home and is school as well (college.) He gets charged rent, but it's based upon how well his grades currently are. His rent is adjusted every semester to reflect his grades, the better he does in his classes, the less he has to pay, they have some agreemet, but I don't know the actual amount.

$30 is completely a fair amount, especially if she doesn't currently have a car note or insurance to pay. Personally, I think if she's going to boycott Christmas with you, she doesn't really deserve anything from you, that might be a bit harsh, but she's being just as bad towards you.

I doubt she knows how her friends parents are, or if she does, I'm sure she is using selective memory. Over 75% of the people I know that live at home have some sort of financial responsibility to stay where she is.

[Star]

I think you were extremely generous to even pay her share of the rent and groceries to begin with! She's 22 years old, holds a part time job, she can pay her share of living expences while she lives back home. She's old enough to know that life isn't free, it's very costly and she needs to contribute to that.

I think you're doing the right thing and stick to it. Ask her if she would be any less living elsewhere and see what kind of answer she'd come up with. Bet she'll see your point then. :wink:

[darkangelism]

It will make her want to find her own place more so charge her.

[Stone]

Maby if you reword it a bit that might work like you only have to contribute this much to grocries or water electric ect... Maby she really has no clue what your bills are. Let her know your doing her a favor by letting her live there and you need some assistance with a very small part of her share.

If she doesn't want to do it, make her pay a quarter every time she turns on the light, $3.00 per shower, and a daily meal amount and I bet she'll take the $30.00 LMAO.

[Duke]

I hope some of these comments help you thommo. If you don't mind, can you please let us know how it all turns out?

Thanks.

[Merika]

Thommo,
I've posted this on here before.

When I graduated from high school....my Dad gave me a rent option to stay at home for $125 a month. That included my room and board and food. He told me then that these were the best years of my life....but I was too stupid to know it. He also charged me for my part of the vehicle insurance. I was mad at him.

If I could do it all over again though....I would STILL be living at home!!! It was one heck of a deal.

No one is doing their kid a favor by not demanding they take responsibility as a young adult. I think people who pamper their kids by not showing them that life is not a free ride....are only giving their kids some misplaced sense of security.

As long as you are paving their way....they will not take their role as a responsible young adult....and ultimately they will resent you for it. As long as they are healthy....they can get right out there and keep a job and help pay their portion of the way. It will build their confidence and boost their growth into adulthood.

Honestly, I'm surprised you set up such a small amount. You are being MORE than fair.

[thommo]

Hi All,

Just a quick update... She has finally agreed (with some grace) to make a 10% contribution to board (but a minimum of $20). As her hours fluctuate, this will tend to approach the $30.

This approach has some equity as my other daughter is paying 10% (her $50).

So, a sort of resolution and the point made that she HAS to make some sort of payment for her board (she still calls it rent!).

Thank you all for your time and comments. They have been VERY COMFORTING.

John

[Star]

Hi John,

I'm so happy that everything worked out okay.

[Merika]

Yes John....GREAT news that all is well!! Please feel free to jump in on any of our posts here or start another one.

[Duke]

I was just thinking about you John and wondering how things were going with you and the family. I'm glad things are working out and thank you very much for taking the time to update us all. Please remember that if you ever need other points of view, to vent, discuss, or even just have someone listen, please feel free to post here. We're a very caring bunch and will do whatever we can to help you through it even if it means being silent and supportive.

Sincerely,

Ken