MY family

[Animal]

Some people don't understand why I love my family so much but I guess they just don't understand my reasoning sometimes....

People aren't perfect and this doesn't exclude my family, I heard once that now a days everyone lives in some type of "broken home" and for me it caused ALOT of stress over the years and my mom may not have been the smartest person, being very weak and turning to drugs or alcohol instead of God. and most people would say to me "how can you respect someone like that?" or "she obviously doesn't care if she keeps on doing it to you" but these things never made sense to me. i always had hope for her and i still do, i think she did an amazing job of raising 5 kids basically by herself while being abused by a crazy drunk, and this caused another argument, people would say "well she can just stop drinking and leave him" but it just was not that easy. five kids, no money, no car. life sucked and i think i blocked alot of it out for a reason..

well anyways i guess i just wanted to ask if anyone else has been stuck between loving someone unconditionally when in any other situation you would hate someone who did those things to you...
its really tough sometimes but in the end i'd choose my family over any one..

ps, the way my life was hasn't really had a permanent affect on me as i'm not depressed or anything, i think it's done me a bit of good anyways, i'm at least more understanding and less judgemental, because i've been through alot.

[Duke]

Personally I'm limited emotionally in this area because I can't love someone if I can't respect them. I'm really glad that you have the feelings you do toward your family because it shows how strong of a person you are. Sadly I'm not that way and have little desire to change that trait.

Another thing you may want to keep in mind is that you make reference to the fact that your past hasn't affected you in any way. I'm not sure how that's possible because for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. There's only so much a person can absorb before the energy has to be expelled. It will be very interesting indeed to see if you feel the same way in 10, 15 or even 20 years as you do today. If you do, fantastic!

[Merika]

Animal...I'm a single mom and I've made mistakes too. I can only hope my kids grow up seeing that I TRIED and did the best with what I had available to me. I've raised them alone....but I can understand where some women end up with or stay with a person who is less than a fabulous father figure....because they are scaired to be alone. It's a tough call for a Mom trying to raise a bunch of kids by herself.

It's wonderful that you still love her and respect her.

[Animal]

Originally Posted by Duke

Another thing you may want to keep in mind is that you make reference to the fact that your past hasn't affected you in any way. !

i didnt mean in any way, i meant in any terribly negative way.

[Duke]

Oh sorry, my bad :?

[Star]

Animal, your mother should be very proud of you. I know I would be if I were your mom. Your story touched my heart.

My childhood wasn't the best wither. I had an abent alcoholic father who would rather spend his time in a sleezy bar then at home and a mom who I never got along with that was very selfish and drank a lot as well so, my childhood was a living hell too. I left home at the age of 16, quit school (still need 2 credits for the diploma), got a few jobs and lived on my own to get away from all that fighting, yelling and nastiness in that house.

but, like you, I couldn't live without my family. even when i did leave, I needed my family. I have 3 younger brothers and 2 of them lived through what i did. We were there for eachother when our parents couldn't be.

I feel that my parents did the best that they could with the tools they had to work with back then. My childhood changed me as a person but not in a negative way. I never got into drugs, i wasn't permiscious (SP?) at all and just tried to be a good person.

Now i'm the mom. I'm a better mom to my kids then my mom was to me when i was a kid because of her. My mom loves me, I know she does and always has. our relationship is a lot better now then it was when i was younger and that's because i forgave her. she did some horrible things that took me years and years to forgive but i'm glad i did.

Our family is all we can count on when we need them. Blood is so much thicker then water and when you're really down, they're there to help you back up again. It is unconditional love.

[Animal]

isn't forgiving someone so much better than holding a grudge? i'm so glad that you weren't affected in a bad way, unfortunately most of my sibilings were, my sister got into drugs when she was about 14 and she didnt graduate high school, shes 20 now, and my older brother was pretty much lost since he was born..... same goes for my little brother, the child of the abusive guy, he felt so bad all of his life because it was HIs father.. now he's doing well and i'm really happy that our family has actually gotten a life. its been about 5 years without the madness of abuse and its been a great five years even though its not been perfect....

you're awesome

[Stone]

Your mom must have done something right because you seem to be a very nice, forgiving, person with there head on there sholders

[Animal]

yeah, thats the point i like to live by, she is so proud of me and shes told me that i'm her favorite child hahaha. shes a good mom

[twinkle]

IT's wonderful that you can love someone unconditionally. It's the best way of going on with your life.

In the end, we all make loads of mistakes... and the sad part is, no one can or had the right to live your life for you - I mean everyone had the right to make their share of mistakes.

As to the amplitude of these mistakes and the number of them... it depends on how wise one is.


I've had a terrific mom who sacrifised herself for me and for my daughter, but who made us live in an emotionally abusive environnment. I love her to death, but deep down inside, there are lots of things I still cannot forgive and I still have nightmares regarding those times.


So I guess the most important thing is how you get to live with your own deamons. Personally, I envy you for your peace.

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Animal

isn't forgiving someone so much better than holding a grudge?

It depends on the person I guess. Although I'm not exactly sure what constitues holding a grudge. If you actively think about the negative and get worked up about it and act on it, then I think it's a grudge. If you simply avoid contact with a person due to the past is that considered a grudge?

[Animal]

if you act rude towards the person when you do happen to run into them then its considered a grudge, but if you just say hi and what ever then its ok i guess..