My Dad is ill

YellowLioness · 04-26-2005, 08:29 AM

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I 've had alot going on. Moving from one area to another and what not.

Anyway, my dad and I have an odd relationship- he's more of a kid then I am. We were both pretty much raised by my grandma, so we're more like siblings then father/daughter.

Back when I was 15, my grandma died of colon cancer. I'm not even going to try to explain to you how hard it was to lose a "parent," to such a horrid death.

My dad has had several polyps removed from his colon over the years, the doctors say that for some reason his grow much faster then they are supposed to. To give you an idea of how fast- most polyps gestate for approximately 10 years before they have to be removed. Dad has to get polyps the size of oranges removed every year.

So, now his colon wall has thinned to the point where they have to take a large portion of his colon out. He's only 56, and I'm freaking out because he's deteriorating to quickly.

First mawmaw, now dad. I just don't know how to take it. It was bad enough to see one parent die, and now it's happening all over again.

My mom was like, "you should pray for him." But, I can't bring myself to. I prayed for grandma, and it did not reduce her pain, or lengthen her life. I feel it would be pointless for me to ask God for help, now.

Please do me a favor and for those of you who are smugly religious, do not throw it in my face. I am looking for words of advice and comfort, or maybe wisdom in how to handle this situation.

Merika · 04-26-2005, 09:15 AM

Gosh I'm sorry to hear that YL! You are much younger than I am...to me 56 sounds too young for someone to be sick with something that serious. I imagine it's quite painful too! What kind of treatments do they give for that besides removing the polyps?

Star · 04-26-2005, 09:38 AM

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad being so sick YL. I hope that he will get better very soon.

YellowLioness · 04-26-2005, 10:55 AM

Yeah, Merika, I hear you on that. Dad looks young, he acts young...he seems more like an older brother.

It was strange how he dropped the bomb on me: yesterday he called me at work and wanted me to visit him to pick up my birthday money. (my b-day was on the 14th, I'm 24 now.) So, Beanie and I drive down there, and there's all this hustle with getting my lil sis to piano lessons, and then dad blurts out, "Let's go to dinner." This invite was unusual in itself, so I was already a bit wary.

So, we get to Graziano's, and dad just says, "They have to remove part of my colon." I was right in between bites. I just sat there, and the only thing I could think of was, "Oh God. Here it goes again."

I didn't cry during dinner. I tried to be supportive, but he said, "I don't want any sympathy. Your grandma had to go through this, and she didn't complain. She was mowing the lawn still during her chemo treatment. I don't want any pitying looks."

The rest of the dinner, Dad talked about how he was going to switch to a vegan diet, and how he was going to try to lose weight, exercise, stop smoking totally, etc. I hope that these things help him.

Afterwards, I flipped out in the car. I'm lucky that my Bean is a good comforter. He tried to be like, "It's not like God is trying to punish your family. It's just how things happen sometime."

Wise words from my love.

Another strange thing is that Dad has had these dreams lately to where a woman dressed in white with fiery blue eyes is standing over him. He feels like she is coming to get him.

The other day, he woke up in a sweat and punched the head board of the bed he shares with my step mom, and almost broke his knuckle.

Ah, I'm rambling sooo bad. I just don't know what to do, but be loving and there for him if he needs to talk to me.

BTW, thanks for your kind words, Star.

darkangelism · 04-26-2005, 11:02 AM

im sorry to hear that, i hope it turns out well.

YellowLioness · 04-26-2005, 11:11 AM

Treatments....

Well, all they can do is keep on removing more and more of his colon. If eventually all of his colon deteriorates, then he'll have to get a colastamy (sp?) bag.

That depends on the cancer, of course. If his polyps (which he's having checked) end up being cancerous, then the chemo starts.

Chemo affects everyone differently. My grandmaw never lost her hair. However, I do not know how it will affect my dad.

Chemo didn't help my grandmother, it actually caused the tumors to grow more rapidly, according to her doctors.

So, at this point, we'll see. I hope that the polyps end up being "benign," but why would they test them if they REALLY thought they were? My dad has had polyps removed since he was like...forty eight? They have never had to do this before.

Merika · 04-26-2005, 09:00 PM

It's hard to say YL why these things happen to some of the world's most wonderful people....while some other good for nothings get off scott free. It seems to unfair and there is no understanding it.

I guess all you can do is deal with each day as it comes and be there for your dad. You can always email me or call me. All I can offer you is friendship....because there just aren't any good words to make you feel better.

Maybe you could keep a diary of your feelings, share some of it here....as well as maybe have it to pass on to someone in the future who is hurting like you are now.

Duke · 04-27-2005, 01:01 AM

I'm sorry to hear of this news YL. Here you are in the throes of terrible news and I wank like a schoolroom sissy about how much of a tard my father is. Your dad sounds like a great man, I guess it goes a long way toward explaining why your such a great lady.

I wish I could offer you some words of wisdom or some intuitive advice but I just can't. Maybe I'm not smart enough. All I can say is enjoy the time you spend with your father as if it is the last time you'll see him. I'm not saying this is the case but it will come as comfort to you later on in life if you were to look back and say "I wish I had a chance to do that with dad."

If I were religious I'd pray for you but I'm not, I do send my best wishes and hope that everything turns out ok.

YellowLioness · 04-28-2005, 12:15 PM

Hey Duke, it's alright. My dad isn't really that great of a guy. I just hate to see anyone get sick like that.

I mean...he's not mean or anything...he's just really immature and has a hard time with responsibility. Plus, he has let my best of a step mom run over him in the past when it came to me and my little brother (we are from his first and failed marriage).

I guess that's why I'm having such a hard time with it. I do care that he's sick, but I guess I'm a little angry, too.

But, that's all water under the bridge of therapy.

Thank you all for your kind words. They are a great comfort.