I went with my heart...

[Luba]

I work for a big Company, and with lots of people there is always quite a bit of drama that is in the air and sometimes, depends how I feel, I do catch it and others do the same! In peaceful surroundings one tends to be peaceful, but where tension and stress abounds, watch it or one will catch it!

Anyway, there are five people working in our little area and we always prided ourselves on being a happy, tight-knit little group. So, one of the girls had a HUGE falling out with her co-worker. So..it became a very negative environment for me and was pulling me down inside. One of the girls in this group just stopped talking to all of us. So the four of us talked about it, and I kept saying I have to clear the air, and was told one by one by the other four to leave it alone and let the girl just stew in her juices. Just leave her alone, they said.

Well, to be one of these people that just prays a lot and listens to her own heart, yesterday I approached the girl that was giving us the cold shoulder and with much aforethought and well-chosen words, asked what the problem was. She said that she thought I had sided with my other friend and how did she put it?...oh yes, "XXXX had gotten to you, too" to which I added, "no one gets to me, I listen to my own heart"...anyway, now she knows. I said "Just know I care and I miss the way things were". I knew it was the right thing I had done for me because my heart felt so much lighter and I felt comfortable again. She also started talking a little and even told me a joke.

A lesson was learned for me by this...problems are solved by communication, not by the silent treatment. Another lesson, listen to my own heart and what's right for me. Another lesson, to approach a problem not with attack, but gentleness, because you never know what the person is feeling. No matter how right I think I am, there is always two sides and most of the time, the other person is really hurting.

[Merika]

I'm glad it worked out.

You know, you can work around a bunch of men and they never have drama issues with each other? They may not like each other, but they don't argue and get all goofy like women do.

[TKDLady]

I am glad it worked out for you Luba.

[Meanon]

to approach a problem not with attack, but gentleness, because you never know what the person is feeling.

I think that's very true. Usually, the person's behaviour makes perfect sense from their perspective and by talking about it you can understand why they are reacting the way they are and they have an opportunity to question whether their perspective is right. If you attack they just defend themselves, they become more fixed in their position, not less. Having said that, people's behaviour is so unacceptable you just have to tell them it's not on, whatever the reason is for it. I suppose it depends what you want to achieve. I bet she'd much happier now you've shown her you are not her enemy.

I can't bear workplace dramas. I had loads on my team when I first worked there. I made made them all do personality assessments and we had a team build to discuss them and do other team stuff. It stopped all the problems, but I think it may just be that they never want to have to do that again!

[BattleaxE]

Originally Posted by Merika

I'm glad it worked out.

You know, you can work around a bunch of men and they never have drama issues with each other? They may not like each other, but they don't argue and get all goofy like women do.

I agree with you Merika....Men will listen to all the yakity yak (and pretend like they aren't) but they usually stay clear,,,,,,,,

[Vautrin]

Originally Posted by Merika

You know, you can work around a bunch of men and they never have drama issues with each other? They may not like each other, but they don't argue and get all goofy like women do.

I play chess. The egos involved in that game, the problems they create, etc, would ensure a life-time full employment of a psychologist for every 3 or 4 chessplayers.... likewise those issues often show up in all areas of life.

Women may talk a lot, gossip, etc. But men have other ways to make other people´s work / life a hell.

[Luba]

Originally Posted by Vautrin

I play chess. The egos involved in that game, the problems they create, etc, would ensure a life-time full employment of a psychologist for every 3 or 4 chessplayers.... likewise those issues often show up in all areas of life.

Women may talk a lot, gossip, etc. But men have other ways to make other people´s work / life a hell.

I just need to add that I think SOME men don't deal with anger issues which come out in killing their children and their spouse...or children in a school... I think MOST men are great but they keep too much inside...

At work I've heard arguments between men, but instead of settling the issue they take it out on others...

[Vautrin]

Originally Posted by Luba

I just need to add that I think SOME men don't deal with anger issues which come out in killing their children and their spouse...or children in a school... I think MOST men are great but they keep too much inside...

Which leads to the killing sprees. Because noone ever suspected a thing.

At work I've heard arguments between men, but instead of settling the issue they take it out on others...

Great if you are the co-worker who has to deal with the sh1t, or the consequences of the quarrels.

[Luba]

Originally Posted by Vautrin

Great if you are the co-worker who has to deal with the sh1t, or the consequences of the quarrels.

I have personally experienced this but now I understand him. Quite a volatile person which makes so many co-workers 'afraid' of him. I'm a people watcher and I try to understand their motives, I've learned the way he operates and I no longer take offence at what he says! He's in a very tough position at work and has to answer for most of the things that go wrong...that in itself must be very difficult which leaves him to be very short and impatient with people, me included. Now that I understand that, I no longer take his comments personally and actually like working with him. He is very knowledgeable and is the man to ask if you need to know how to do something.