I needed to tell someone........... - Page 2

Star · 05-18-2006, 10:12 AM

I agree, it is a heavy load for a 16 year old to carry on her shoulders and i also agree that she needs to talk about all of this with a counsellor. poor kid.

darkangelism · 05-18-2006, 07:21 PM

i dont think you had to worry about us believing you.

Yeah she might need couselling, i think most people would after witnessing something like that.

She shouldnt blame herself for not calling it in, the only person who is at fault is the guyy who pulled the trigger.

twinkle · 05-19-2006, 02:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merika

That was an excellent article Luba. Thanks! It did occur to me yesterday that Chloe may need some counselling. She's too scared to walk to the bus, too scared to walk to the mailbox and is having bad headaches. I have no idea how she will do at the end of the year school exams.

She blames herself because had she not disobeyed....the guy with the gun wouldn't have been there at all and no one would've gotten killed. Not to mention the danger she has now put everyone else in. That's a heavy emotional load for a 16 year old.

Should have, would have, could have...

NO. It happened. Like DA said, Chloe is not guilty at all, she has the right to make her own choices, like having a tattoo, if she pleases so, having her hair raised or whatever.

She was scared and the truth is, we might say she should have called the police, but how many of us, in her shoes, would have? Really?? The world is NOT made up of heros so we might as well not ask those around us to act as if. I think you should stop expecting everyone else to be noble.

Merika, I think you should be a bit less demanding with your daughter. She needs to accept her weakness and so do you. She did NOT provoke a murder, she simply wanted to have a tattoo done. Yes, you did disaprove but that does not make it wrong. It's just a stupid silly tattoo.

Who knows, if she would have obbeied and stayed home, maybe the murderer would have decided to kill people in the street and then we would have 10 victims, not just one. We just don't know.

Sh!t happenes all the time and if you and Chloe want to spend more than a second to think about that, well, it's a waist.

You and CHloe must focuss on her, on her future, on her life and stop the guilt trips. They are useless and they poisson Chloe's life. Forgiving is the key out. That's one firm step to healing, IMHO.

twinkle · 05-20-2006, 08:35 AM

I appologise for the harsh tone, but when I see such good people inflicting pain on themselves it just breaks my heart.

I will never knowthe pain and the suffering you're going through, not will I ever feel as vulnerable as you, so I can only say what I think.

Just... concentrate on a way out. You both will make it and it will make you stronger.

How's Jackson coping with the situation?

Merika · 05-22-2006, 07:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinkle

How's Jackson coping with the situation?

Jackson has a front bedroom window that faces the road. He boarded it up.

The guy was arrested on the Georgia border on Friday. All she has to do at this point is participate in the positive ID line up sometimes this week.

I do know he shot someone twice when he was 16 but the person didn't die. He was in prison for that until 18 months ago. He then got arrested for statutory rape and was out on bond for that when this murder happened. He was also sleeping with another 15 year old girl at the time which is another statutory rape charge. He will also be charged with illegal possession of a stolen gun.

If they go for a death penalty it will be months and years before it goes to court. He can't get out on bond because he was out on bond when he did this crime. By then, Chloe will have had a chance to deal with this and not take it all so personal.

BattleaxE · 05-23-2006, 08:39 PM

Merika Just wondering how Chloe is doing? I haven't been talking much on here lately but I still am keeping you in my prayers.

Merika · 05-24-2006, 09:26 PM

I haven't been posting on here much either because during the morning when I have time the site hasn't been up. Then apparently I also picked the wrong time in the evening. :?

Chloe seems to be doing ok. Sometimes she cries but it's so hard to tell if it's serious or just a 16 year old thing. They can be real dramatic about many things. I do notice she's crabbier than usual. Maybe that is stress related. Tomorrow is the last day of school and she will begin some counselling next week.

BattleaxE · 05-24-2006, 09:34 PM

counseling sounds like a good idea. its strange but sometimes we can open up more to strangers than to family. I don't mean that in a bad way either. hopefully talking it out will be healing for Chloe. Merika I'm sure this has not been easy for you either I hope you have someone to talk to also.

Merika · 05-24-2006, 09:53 PM

Chances are if I don't post it on here no one will ever know it. In this case only our immediate family and about 2 friends know. I usually keep stuff to myself. Between beer and Rolaids I seem to be doing okay.

Meanon · 05-25-2006, 03:09 PM

Did someone mention Beer?

Check your PMs for Beerfest invite.

sweetbilly · 05-25-2006, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Chloe seems to be doing ok. Sometimes she cries but it's so hard to tell if it's serious or just a 16 year old thing. They can be real dramatic about many things. I do notice she's crabbier than usual

Merika these are the beginning signs of PTSD i warned you about. This will most likely not ever go away (for the rest of her life) she needs to see a good doctor as soon as possible. She is going to NEED one trust me. Don't let this set in and destroy her life, get her help as soon as possible PLEASE!!!. I have seen many vets, including my father, go through this on a daily basis it is an utterly debilitating illness and has the potential of destroying her for life. I have friends whom have gone through this very thing, after the first gulf war, Afganistan and what's going on now in Iraq and they are all messed up for life. The crying and fear of being out in public are all related to what has happened, she feels guilt, fear, she's having the headaches because of the stress she is putting on heself. Soon you will probably notice how she tries to keep herself in corners when she is in restuarants etc... This is because she is constantly thinking about it and is fearful of being killed herself in a similar situation. These are CLASSIC signs of post tramatic stress disorder. The best thhing you can do at this point is to sit down with her, as a friend, and talk with her about what has happened reassure her that there is NOTHING she could have done to change the situation. She is going to need a lot of reassurance that things are ok and she did everything ok. Get her to talk, i can tell from just what you have said that this is eating her up inside, she needs to talk about it, ALOT. I am soo sorry you and your family have to go through this, i wish i could take all her pain upon myself and free her of this horror. She is far to young to understand what has happened to her or how to turn off these emotions now, it's not fair she still has her entire life to live yet she shouldn't have to deal with BS like this, i'm praying for you all. If you need anything at all please don't hesitate to ask, i'll do anything i can to help. All my love to you and your family!

Merika · 05-26-2006, 03:37 PM

I'm going to move this to the Family section so it doesn't look like a big bummer thread in the middle of all our off topic fun.

Meanon · 05-28-2006, 03:49 PM

If you witness trauma then PTSD is always a risk but crying and crabbyness may also be quite normal reactions so soon after the event.

In PTSD memories of the trauma are experienced as flashbacks, the person feels as though they are right back there and have the same reactions and sense of panic as they did at the time. CBT treatment is really effective, it seems to enable the person to process the memory, moving it from present to past. Then you can begin to deal with any other effects (depression, anxiety).

sweetbilly it must be awful to know so many people who have suffered so much. I think what makes it worse with people who have witnessed trauma in the course of their work is that the exposure is repeated, they often feel they should cope so don't get help until the problems are many and very severe. They lose so much - often a job that defines them, status, ideals, way of life, friends and most of all their view of themselves as a strong person able to deal with anything life throws at them. It challenges all their basic beliefs about life and themselves. I'm not trying to belittle how awful this was for Chloe (people get PTSD from much less eg. car accidents) but I hope that because the effect on her life was not so global as those you know, any after effects will be easier to overcome, with the right help.

It's so hard to see friends suffer, isn't it? Especially when you are so far away that all you can do is give advice and sympathy...... not forgetting beer of course

Merika · 05-28-2006, 04:17 PM

I think one of the advantages of youth is that they seem so quick to bounce back and move on. Memories linger....but they don't focus so much on them because they still have so many other things going on in their lives.

Until the actual court case takes place...I think she'll be just fine. A court case with a possible death penalty is going to be tough...but there is no way to avoid it. All she can do is get to the other side of it and become stronger.

Meanwhile...we'll keep the doors double locked and the dog in a barking kind of mood.

sweetbilly · 05-30-2006, 03:56 PM

Thank you Meanon, it's very kind of you to feel for my friends and family i know they will appreciate your thoughts ...especially since yesterday was memorial day and many veterans, especially vietnam vets, need constant reminders that what they have done and have wittnessed in battle is important and meaningful for the rest of us and they have not become bad people for doing what they were asked to do by their country. My father goes through this thought everyday, he always wonders if he did the right thing.

PTSD is an utterly debilitating illness and it can affect members of the family as well, especially in military families. I watched a television show recently about a girl who had developed PTSD from her father who was in Vietnam. She started talking about her symptoms, which were very much like her fathers: getting angry easily, bad dreams, fear of confined places, remaining very calm in bad situations (such as Barbies daughter experienced, which i have experience a similar situation) etc.. etc.. etc.. , and i realized i had many of the same symptoms as she did, but FAR worse. In fact i've even had dreams about combat, and i've never been in the military.

There is a belief that PTSD can be given to your chil