I feel soooo hurt....

BridgieBridge · 09-18-2008, 11:10 PM

One of my best friends who i went to grade school with is getting married. She moved out to CA several years ago but is flying home to do it. We have been the best of friends for many years. I have gone out to CA to see her when none of our other friends have. I am close with her family and every time she comes home i always spend alot of time with her and go to her family gatherings and dinners with her. Ever since i had my baby we don't talk as much tough. When it's a good time for her, it's a bad time for me and i hate the time difference. The last time she came home i spent the least amount of time with her then i ever have, but i could'nt get a baby sitter when everyone else was going out to drink. Even though i did'nt get to see her as much last time and even though we don't talk as much anymore my feelings towards her have'nt changed and when we do talk it feels like just yesterday for me.

It's going to be a small wedding. My friend last week told me she was asked to make her necklace for the wedding. ( I make jewelry too) and she also said another friend was going to be singing at the reception. Then i talked to faye who first told me that my friends mom was going to be her only brides maid but now her sister and Faye are in the wedding.

I feel soooooooooo left out and my feelings are hurt soooooooo bad words can't hardly express it. So i sent her an email telling her i heard of everybody else's part in it and i felt left out and i would do anything she needed...park cars, welcome people....anything.

She replied telling me she was sorry i felt left out and did'nt want to ask anything of me bc of my move and being busy with the babe, but if she happen to think of anything for me to do she would let me know and that just being there was good enough.

That's not good enough for me. Sounds like an excuse. I just finished moving and she is getting married next month. Damn i can get a sitter for the wedding, i would do anything for her. I'm not really trying to discuss how i feel with her much other than what i already said, i don't want to bother or worry her. however keeping all this to myself is hurting our friendship. I have a wall up with her now that i have never had before, and at this point i will no longer be calling her my best friend. I don't even really want to go to the wedding now. I am sooooo sad everyone else is taking part but me. I sent her an email back saying i would be there and that was it.

Am i being stupid or do i have a legit reason for feeling the way i am? I have been sooooo down about all of this and can't escape it from my mind.

Weiser · 09-18-2008, 11:19 PM

I'd be pissed off too :/ I'm so sorry to hear that...

BridgieBridge · 09-18-2008, 11:28 PM

Well thats nice to hear. Since i have been keeping it all to myself i was'nt sure if i was just being silly or am allowed to have these feelings.

Duke · 09-18-2008, 11:52 PM

I'm really sorry BB and I can identify because I never even get invited to the wedding. It hurts when you feel a close relationship with someone and are left out of things that are truly important.

Is it possible that she legitimately knew you were busy recently and didn't want to bother you because she thought it was too much or are you convinced it's actually just an excuse?

The only thing I can suggest is that if you are that close of friends, why not communicate to her that you are hurt for not being involved?

Just a thought.

BridgieBridge · 09-19-2008, 12:02 AM

I'm not really so sure if she really thinks i'm that busy or not. I thought by telling her i felt left out and was willing to park freakin cars was telling her enough. I really just don't want to stress her. She last minute planned the wedding and is doing it from the other side of the country, so she is a bit stressed with the whole thing. I'm just thinking more about her than myself, i just want her to be happy, it's her time.

I keep questioning myself though.....should i or should i not say more? I know if i don't this is a huge crack in our friendship. I've never had an issue with talking to her about anything before in the past. Most of me just does'nt want to bother her or bring her down.

I really just don't know what to do or how to handle it and it is eating me alive. I'm so sad.

Duke · 09-19-2008, 12:07 AM

Well if she is a true friend as it sounds like she is there should be no issue with you being completely honest. Sometimes when your overstimulated with responsibilities it can be easy to overlook something that would normally be obvious.

Personally I'd just tell her.

TKDLady · 09-19-2008, 01:08 AM

I really know how you feel. I too had a good friend who, when she got married, I was not any part of the wedding. I was very hurt. I know it was her choice as to who she wanted and I did go to the wedding and we are still good friends. I never told her how hurt I was and I let it slide. I figured it was her day and she had a reason to pick who she picked. I eventually had her as my matron of honor. It worked out for us. I was never a part of anyone's wedding and it bothered me for a while but I got over it and I am sure you will too. I am sure she never intended to hurt you. I do agree with Duke that if it bothers you that much and you are such good friends then talk to her. If nothing else it clears the air. I hope it works out for you. If you truly value her friendship, don't let this come between you. I wish you the best.

BridgieBridge · 09-19-2008, 01:22 AM

Thanks for responses folks. The talking to her thing sounds easier than i think it would be.

I don't really want to push things. I feel if she were the friend i thought she was than she would not have done this to me, and wheni told her i felt left out, if she was the friend i thought she was she would have said different.

Maybe she is not the friend i think she is, and i don't want to force or guilt her to be.

I'm the type i'd rather hurt myself before hurting her.

Quote:

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be
And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comforts me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
There will be an answer, let it be
Let it be, let it be, let it be, yeah, let it be
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

TKDLady · 09-19-2008, 07:58 AM

I am sorry you are hurting BB.

Luba · 09-19-2008, 08:29 AM

Bridgie, sorry for piping in SO late. I just read your thread now. I'm sorry that you are hurting, too.

Bridgie, it seems your friend has totally made up her mind who will be in the wedding party, and who won't; so for now I would let it go. She has a lot on her mind getting through the wedding; btw, when is it?

If you can, wait until the wedding is done and life gets back to normal after the honeymoon, I think it would be a good idea to sit down and have a talk with her about how you feel face to face. Not having an open discussion about it will only eat at you and already put a damper on the relationship.

Maybe, if you can, think it's nothing personal. If she is one that has a lot of friends that she loves, someone is bound to get hurt or feel slighted for not having been asked to be involved.

BridgieBridge · 09-19-2008, 09:14 AM

Her wedding is the second week of October.

And thats the thing Luba, ya hit the nail on the head. I'm a face to face person when it's something thats really important like that. The problem with that is she is only in town for 3 days and lives in California sooooo i can't talk to her face to face after it's all over.

Secondly it's a very small wedding 50 people max. It's just me and the other three friends i mentioned that are going to really be the only girl friends there, the rest of her friends are in Cali, They are coming here for the wedding bc her family is here and his is only an 1 1/2 away. No sense in the most important people traveling all the way over there so they are coming here. So i really literally am the only one left out playing no part, yet i'm the only one thats carried my butt to cali to see her and i'm the only one that attends her family functions with her. So for me to be the only one left out is a serious smack in the face. I would'nt feel quite as bad i don't think if others were left out to.

Faye and i are both her top best friends. Faye calls her ALL the time, but i don't have time like that nor do i have Faye's schedule, and ever since i had my baby i find it hard to find time on the phone around my friends schedule and mine with the baby. I think she may think "IF Faye can call me and she has a babe, then why can't Bridgie?" But like i said it's different, Faye lives with family and has help and family takes the baby a couple days a week and her baby is about a year older than mine. I have no family here, i have no help with my baby, not even from my bf. I don't have time like Faye does. The last time she was here to visit Faye spent the most time with her bc Faye had a babysitter and i did'nt.

I feel my friend made the wrong choice by changing her mind from only having her mom up there with her and now adding her sister (thats still fine) but i feel maybe she should have left it at that rather than picking between me and Faye. But who am i to talk it is HER wedding. I just have to accept everything for what it is, and i am, and it hurts.

I'm going to go to the wedding and put on a fake face and probably excuse myself a little early. I guess i will have to wait to vent for the next time she returns whenever that may be. The thing with that is i'm afraid i will really hurt her then, and it will be to late to resolve anything, bc by then whats done is done. I don't want to lay it on her and then her regret anything.

I really feel like i'm in a pickle.

Luba · 09-19-2008, 09:33 AM

Well, first of all, Bridgie, I think it's Very Great that you are getting your feelings out to people that Really, Really care about you, like we do here! We all understand hurt, pain, betrayal, we've been through some of it or all of it. It doesn't matter how understanding we try to be when other people do things that hurt us, but it doesn't take away from the pain we feel.

You've been slighted, so it's natural to feel hurt. I think it's good that you are still going to the wedding and putting on a brave face so her day will still be her day. I think you ARE a beautiful friend for doing that!

But just know, Bridgie, that, for sure, the day will come when you will be able to talk to her about it, whether by phone, e-mail, or whatever. You may even find later on that it doesn't hurt So much. Sometimes friendships just change, who knows why? Sometimes it comes out for the best because someone else comes along who's life you will touch again. I totally believe those that come into our lives either teach us something or they learn from us.