How mom feels...

twinkle · 01-10-2005, 06:27 PM

You all remember my sister's issues with her ex.

After that, my mom told me that her theory proves to be right once again. I warn you that my mom's a great person, she simply lacks sensitivity.

Ok: she thinks that the social/material status are the ones decisive for a relationship. She thinks that it's not so much my sister, but her lifestyle that her ex grew very found of. So when the sweet part was over, more than loosing her, he'd loose the nice appartment, good food, great status, etc etc.

Hence her theory: you should better go out with people who are have at least as much money as you do. Because that's the main reason for split ups. If both have a similar financial situation, it's more likely to have a clean break up. Or at least, he should be more well off than the girl (the reverse if you're a boy).

I'm left a bit disgusted by the whole concept of trivialisation of a relationship, yet cannot deny the truth in it... My accepting that makes me even more sick to my stomack.

What do you think?

Stone · 01-10-2005, 06:34 PM

I DO see her point, however love doesn't come with a price tag.

twinkle · 01-10-2005, 06:50 PM

Not at first. That's the "beauty" of it. Is sure as hell matters when you split up.

I mean think about it. It's like the vicious cercle of going to a good school: you need to have been to a good college. In order to do that, you need to have been to a good highschool. In order to do that you need to have been to a good school. Where are all good schools? In rich people's neighbourhoods.

Money may be blamed and but a certain level of education, parents that get involved in a child's development, all that needs a certain material situation.

And then you have the saying "each person does what they saw in their own home". Like the actual situation of splitting up isn't enough... I hate it. Getting other people involved and everything. I hate my being involved in it, I hate my mom's turning to me like I were God to do or undo everything, even now, when I'm more than 2000 km away!

Merika · 01-10-2005, 07:33 PM

Since he's not with your sister anymore.....why would his motives matter any longer?

Is he still acting like a loon or does he finally understand it is over?

twinkle · 01-10-2005, 08:14 PM

He finally threaterned to kill her and then kill himself, in a desperate act of seeking attention.

He got it, all right. My mom (finally) called his dad and talked to him. Unfortunantely my dad was so nervous that he took over and was quite ruff, telling him that he's unable to contol his son, that this is way out of line and that he doens't even want to see them on the street.

Anyway, my dad calmed down and talked to Julian again.

The thing is... this is sooo bullsh!t! He's craving attention. Doesn't want to let go.

What worries me is that he begain showing his violent traits. Apparently he took a knife and pointed it to a friend of his in an argument.

I just don't get it. If I want to make someone understand they're out, I do. Trust me, no misunderstandings. Yet my sister seems unable to.

He keeps asking her final talks and final meetings, but they had like 20 of them. And Anna is totally scared. Yet she does nothing about it. It bugs me to death. I think I'm pampering her waaay too much and so do my parents. She's only good at getting what she wants when she wants it and when she's in trouble it's up to us to bail her.

This should be her freaking duty! Having the nerve to end all this sharade.

Stone · 01-10-2005, 08:25 PM

She should get a restraining order.

Duke · 01-10-2005, 09:06 PM

I agree, this guy needs to be locked up.

twinkle · 01-11-2005, 01:27 AM

Yeah, well, I can't do it from here.

So I guess, Anna will actually have to do this one on her own. Which will never happen!

Merika · 01-11-2005, 08:20 AM

The problem is....it's hard to know if he's serious or just flapping at the gums. Chances are....he's just full of crap and has gotten too wrapped up in the drama of it all. Then again...he could be a complete loon.

I know what I would do....but like you said....she needs to make these decisions for herself.

twinkle · 01-11-2005, 09:15 AM

The truth is that with my sis, all his problems were solved. And that was the main purpose of this thread.

He had a place to stay: for free, mom occasionally cooked for them, hell, he was actually paying nothing there. Add free sex... and a very nice girl to have it with since he never had any, yeah, I bet he's acking now!

So this worm is refusing to disapear because he resents it. He resents accepting a lower lifestyle. The fact that he's unable to get another girl, that he's got no money. The fact that he doesn't want to get a job to solve it (he's still in college). That's what's all about. ATTENTION and spite!

My point: sounds like ****, but unless you're ok with having no money for the rest of your life, some guys shouldn't be on the dating list.

Are we back on the Victorian age, where eligible bachelors were hunted and permitted almost everything or does doing so place me under the gold digger category?

As for my sis, I'll just have to get used to the thought of her being an easy pray and hope for better luck next time.

Merika · 01-11-2005, 09:50 AM

He probably wasn't with her for only a higher lifestyle.....I'm sure he enjoyed the whole package.

Why did it take her so long to realize that he was a big MOOCHER?

twinkle · 01-11-2005, 10:22 AM

I don't know... I don't think she did. She left him because she was getting bored and because she met someone else. He was perfect before. I mean it.

He was cooking, cleaning, doing most of the housework. Perfect. Almost too perfect. In facr, that's what he's holding against her. HE says he's did nothing wrong. Well, if it were a job, I'm sure my sis would've kept him!

Even my parents liked the guy.

What bothered me is that whenI was home, Ludo was there and my sis started making a history 'cause Julian was insisting to see her and she was afraid... so we were all arguing and talking and planning stuff... in Romanian. It was I that talked to Julian that night, that told him to lay off her back, negociated and calmed things down. I hate myself for being that impulsive and for trying to solve everyone's problem, but my own. My mom treats me as if I were the man in the house. Well, I'm not!

My sis never told him to get lost. She just tries not to talk to him too much or upset him, because she was afraid that if she didn't, he'd kick her bf's ass. She refuses to deal with it and me and my parents live with the scare. IT's like she's too weak to confront him. Well, she did leave the 17 years old dancer (that took a while!!!) so he can do nothing to no one. Only now he's threaterning her!

I have promised myself that starting tonight, I will be out. She certainly never has or will get involved in my life. Because I can solve my own problems. My parents know the name of some good lawyers, we have a District Attorney in the family, so I should be out. I totally hate this situation!

Samson · 01-11-2005, 10:54 AM

Quote:

I'm left a bit disgusted by the whole concept of trivialisation of a relationship, yet cannot deny the truth in it... My accepting that makes me even more sick to my stomack

In essence, Twinkle, the "Truth often Hurts." :?

twinkle · 01-11-2005, 10:57 AM

Well, Sam, if it weren't for men I'd have decided to stay single long ago!! There's nothing more hidious than feeling that you're being used!

Meanon · 01-11-2005, 10:58 AM

Money isn't a big issue for me.

Quote:

I know what I would do....

Just out of interest, Merika, what WOULD you do?

Merika · 01-11-2005, 11:13 AM

I'd hunt him down and beat the hell out of him with a baseball bat. Bet he'd STFU on his dramatic whining act then!