Friendship Truthfulness

[Luba]

Something quite amazing happened last night that I just never saw coming!

I have known a lady for about thirty-five years and we did have a friendship. As the years went by and I discovered the wonder of 'self-esteem' I just saw less and less of her. She is/was a very powerful person with the ability of making me feel 'small' and much less of what I am and as I was realizing that, I just drifted away more and more.

I feel a friendship is one where you see, talk, share, laugh and after the meeting/phone call, etc. you walk away feeling jubilant and grateful for the friendship. She didn't make me feel that way; but for years I wanted to make her happy. Reading that back, it sounds so bizarre and I wonder why I spent SO many years fighting a losing 'battle'.

I guess I learned that nothing is really a 'losing battle'! She had a dream where in which I played a pivotal role (I won't talk about her dream) and she called me. Upon a few pleasantries she told me that our 'friendship' wasn't really what she needed meeting only on Birthdays and she needed so much more.

I was very truthful (finally) in why I had to walk away. She was too powerful in the way she was always made me to feel "Small" and I told her I didn't feel she could face the truth by telling her, and I had to walk away for my own sake. I couldn't take the sad feeling I got from our 'friendship' anymore.

She said she didn't realize she was doing that and apologized profusely. I don't honestly now know how I feel about the apology because too many years have passed where I don't know if the 'friendship' could even be re-started or re-connected. I haven't felt anything for quite awhile, and I honestly don't know where or if it's going anywhere now....

[Vautrin]

Things like that happen.

I know I can come across as quite arrogant, and I realize that. The problem is if people DO feel intimidated and take the arrogance for the real me, then that could create strains on the friendship.

Most often people don't realize things like that are happening, because they are quite used to themselves.

Just wait and see...

[IvyRose]

I think you're stronger now than you were then, Luba. You could possibly handle some type of friendship with her.

Maybe your personalities just clashed and you were such a people pleaser back then that you didn't know how to defend your sensibilities against her personality. If she makes you feel uncomfortable, just find her as an acquaintance and leave it that.

I've stopped looking into the future of where friendships are going. It's more fun that way. Less strain on the relationship/friendship.

...and Vautrin, I haven't ever thought of you as arrogant, just a deep thinker. LOL!

[Vautrin]

Originally Posted by IvyRose

...and Vautrin, I haven't ever thought of you as arrogant, just a deep thinker. LOL!

Consider yourself warned, for when you meet me.

[Luba]

Originally Posted by IvyRose

I think you're stronger now than you were then, Luba. You could possibly handle some type of friendship with her.

Yes, I am MUCH stronger than I was in those days! I know I could handle some type of relationship, but too much time has passed and I honestly don't know if there is anything left. After thinking about it, I think she still wants me to 'make the first move' for lack of better term, and I don't even know if I can....it was so draining.

Maybe your personalities just clashed and you were such a people pleaser back then that you didn't know how to defend your sensibilities against her personality. If she makes you feel uncomfortable, just find her as an acquaintance and leave it that.

I used to think that if I was a friend, I would be a friend for life. I never once thought it was about me, it was about being a friend to the person. I never took into the account that the friendship didn't make me feel good. I think it was the wisdom somewhere buried within that made me slowly walk away until I realized the friendship wasn't a two-way street, and was doing me more harm than good.

I've stopped looking into the future of where friendships are going. It's more fun that way. Less strain on the relationship/friendship.

I don't know where or if this one is going anywhere; I'll let the Universe take care of that.

...and Vautrin, I haven't ever thought of you as arrogant, just a deep thinker. LOL!

I think the world of Vautrin!