Awkward Situation

PepsiChic · 01-06-2008, 06:42 PM

Ive been placed into a very awkward/unfair situation and im not sure what to do.

Planning a meet with a bunch of friends that i saw in america last time, now 3 of the guys dont like 1 of the other guys that came, and they have said if he goes they wont.

however hes my friend and im not sure how i can turn around and invite everyone else and then say "well sorry i know your my friend but your not invited because they dont like you"

should it be my job to tell him this? should they have the guts to tell him how they feel? should i let them tell him how they feel? how do i plan the trip around him not coming or leaving them behind? what if i loose my friends because of this?

im so hurt and confused by this mess. i dont expect them all to get along, but to put me in this position kinda stings. any advice would really really be appriciated

Edit: im adding to this, because a friend sensed something was wrong and asked me "what is it you want to do? forget everyone else for a second and just tell me what you would want to do?"

i said, "i just want to be able to sit down, look around me, and see my friends, and be grateful for the people im spending my time with, i want my friends to not argue and fall out, to get along and realize whats important in life - each other"

darkangelism · 01-06-2008, 06:52 PM

well the other people are not acting like friends, if they were they would put up with the guy they dont like for your sake.

Luba · 01-06-2008, 07:19 PM

Could you just ask your three friends to get all together for your sake? I mean, for how long of a time is it anyway? Does the one friend suspect how the other three feel about him?

If they don't, it's up to one of them to tell him; shouldn't be on your shoulders at all since you love them all! I would tell them that, too! If they have a problem with that, then they aren't really your friends, GG! Sometimes it takes something like this to find that out! I'm sorry for being blunt, but I just don't like to see you hurt when none of this is your doing!

PepsiChic · 01-06-2008, 09:16 PM

ive asked if they would, but the 3 that dont like him said its either them or him. its left me in a very awkward place, i love them all dearly, and they are friends worth having, they arent doing this out of spite or just a dislike, they genuinely dont trust him or like him. its a rare opportunity for us to all meet, due to me living 3000 miles away from them and them living all over the states, so getting together to meet is a big deal
it'd be a week if we met, i dont think he knows how they feel, he doesnt seem to at least. one of the guys said hes willing to tell him that they dont want him there, but im worried what affect that will have on my friendship with him, with the others, and the cracks it could cause in the foundation of the entire group.

i just want everyone to be happy

TKDLady · 01-06-2008, 09:25 PM

You can't make everyone happy. Let them tell him how they feel and let them be the bad guys. I am sorry you are in this position. Maybe the other guy can visit you separately once he knows he isn't welcome by the other 3. I don't know. I would have to kick all of their a$$es for putting me in that situation.

Fireblade · 01-07-2008, 11:34 AM

It's more complicated than she's putting out there.

PepsiChic · 01-07-2008, 11:46 AM

then you explain it your way.

Fireblade · 01-07-2008, 12:10 PM

On our last community road trip over at the community GG and I run together, there were 5 of us all together in a van and we met several people in our community along the way to Quebec. The whole week we were together, the friend that GG is talking about that is hated by the 3, was making advances on GG and trying to push me, one of the 3 'friends' that don't like him, out of the way, as if he could 'win' her away from me. He was generally unsociable and a prick to the other 2 that don't like him and it generally made all 3 of us uncomfortable everytime he'd make an advance on GG. What he did was unaccepptable, and I hope you all can understand why I'm one of the 3 and have put her in this 'awkward' situation.

Yes, I know it's hurt her; however it's going to hurt her more if he comes and I beat him into a pulp when he tries it again, it took everything I had to not do it the first time.. He's had 8 or 9 chances, there won't be another.

TKDLady · 01-07-2008, 04:53 PM

That does shed more light on the situation. Why do you want him there GG? Sounds like you would be better off without him as well. Isn't your relationship with FB a bit more important than a friendship with a guy trying to come between you two? If FB has issues with him you should respect that more than the other guy's wishes. Sorry, but that is my opinion.

darkangelism · 01-07-2008, 08:50 PM

yeah see that changes a lot of things, so i would say if he can make peace with everybody else that would be best, but i dont get the feeling that fb will make peace easy

Weiser · 01-07-2008, 11:00 PM

Rock......Hard Place
........^
You are here.

See, now that sucks. Then again, the decision should be simple. If I was in FB's shoes I wouldn't want him there either as it puts him in a bad situation as well.

TKDLady · 01-07-2008, 11:01 PM

That sums it up!!

IR_Efrem · 01-07-2008, 11:35 PM

Having had a couple marriages i dunno if i am the right person to shed light on any situation. But.. this is how i feel.

Turn the whole situation around, imagine its FB taking you along with a few other girls. Given the same exact history and you now feel hostile towards one of the gals because of the same exact reasons. Don't say you would have have the same reaction as FB had towards this one guy. That's not part of role reversal in this situation. Now decide how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

Now for the other side of this.. FB, how would GG have reacted if she was in your situation? With some gal doing the same things. If you don't know then ask her, it might lead you both to understanding why she feels like she is in such an awkward situation. GG would you have been OK with everything and not felt uncomfortable? How would you feel about repeating the situation all over again (if the tables were turned)?

Above all it is important to be honest about your true feelings.

This is about all i can say besides, sometimes we all do things just based on how it will make our partner feel. And sometimes it might be against what we originally wanted in the first place, especially if it means saving their feelings.

I was not there to see exactly what happened, so i cannot say who should or shouldnt bend in this whole thing. Thats up to you two.

PepsiChic · 01-08-2008, 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tkdlady

That does shed more light on the situation. Why do you want him there GG? Sounds like you would be better off without him as well. Isn't your relationship with FB a bit more important than a friendship with a guy trying to come between you two? If FB has issues with him you should respect that more than the other guy's wishes. Sorry, but that is my opinion.

ah dont get me wrong here, i have and always will put Fb first and above everything and everyone.

its not so much a point of what i should do, at least i dont feel it is. i *have* put him first, i *have* let him do what he wants and tell my friend he cant come, but i dont think its a fair to *ask* me to choose. knowing full well what my answer would be, it just hurts to have been made to choose.

i have also considered what my reaction would be if this situation is reversed. Yes i would be put out by a girl flirting with Fb, however he tells me frequently that this happens where he works, and yes even then knowing it happens upsets me.

However i am always one for communication when i can, if i was going to exclude a friend of his from something id want to talk to the person first, try reasoning.

or perhaps you are all right and im a heartless bitch for all of this and for being hurt by feeling like i was made to choose....

it must be so incredibly wrong of me to want people to get along, or at least try. *shrugs*

PepsiChic · 01-08-2008, 02:13 AM

im sorry if that post seems a bit...i dunno whatever.

i just dont like it when people say/question that i would ever put anything before Fireblade, id give my life for him without any hesitation, to have anyone think or question otherwise hurts.

no right for me to be snappy tho, so im sorry for my post. i didnt mean to get so upset.