Respect for the dead

Duke · 06-24-2007, 05:29 AM

I remember as a child hearing that you must never say anything negative about those who have passed on and...

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Duke · 06-24-2007, 05:42 AM

Well there it is folks, what's been on my mind since the death of my grandmother. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter and how you feel about respecting the dead especially if they weren't exactly nice people in life?

TKDLady · 06-24-2007, 07:56 AM

I don't think bad people deserve respect in death. If that were the case than we should respect those that have murdered innocent people just for the thrill of it or those that have abused a small child. They don't deserve respect in life so why should they deserve it in death. Of course these type of people have done horrible, horrible things but I guess emotional abuse can be just as bad. I think you are a good person, Duke and I am sure you have explained to your daughter why you feel the way you do. I don't think everyone deserves respect just because they are dead. Just my feeling.

Luba · 06-24-2007, 08:32 AM

It wasn't until I was forty-three years old that I GOT a moment in time that I will never, ever forget! It changed the course of my life and made me the person I am today and the thought was:

A person doesn't demand respect, a person has to EARN it!

Of course, by then it was too late to salvage my boys' childhood as they were on their own already...and had suffered the verbal abuse from their Grandfather. I grew up in the old-school teaching of respecting your elders and at that time in my life I didn't question it...UNTIL the above-mentioned moment.

No, Duke, I don't believe for a moment that you will be in H*ll; you are LIVING PROOF of an honourable life!

Luba · 06-24-2007, 08:33 AM

Incidentally, it was a GREAT article!

PepsiChic · 06-24-2007, 10:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luba

A person doesn't demand respect, a person has to EARN it!

that couldnt be better said.

duke i think its really ad that your grandparents weren't very nice people. i didnt know any of my grandparents. my fathers side didnt want to know because they are very "proper English" and they were displeased that he married a Scottish woman, thus making me half Scottish. When i was little they asked me which football team i supported and i said Scotland oops, they didnt wanna know after that. no los there, they have all passed away, i mourn for my the loss my parents have. but i dont mourn for them so much.

if we had to respect all the dead, what about the murders? the rapists? the people who have tortured children and adults? i could never love, respect or mourn any of them.

Luba is very right, you have to earn respect and also gain love. you cant just expect it, dead or alive!

edit: and it was a great article, probably the best and most heartfelt one ive read yet.

Luba · 06-24-2007, 11:40 AM

I'm so crazy from laughing today that even this title is cracking me up

PepsiChic · 06-24-2007, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luba

I'm so crazy from laughing today that even this title is cracking me up

i loaded this thread with a serious mind intent...read your post and nearly fell off my chair!

whatever is duke gonna think of me now

(insane?)

Vautrin · 06-24-2007, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GamerGal

whatever is duke gonna think of me now

(insane?)

He will offer you the position of poster girl.

Luba · 06-24-2007, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GamerGal

Quote:

Originally Posted by Luba

I'm so crazy from laughing today that even this title is cracking me up

i loaded this thread with a serious mind intent...read your post and nearly fell off my chair!

whatever is duke gonna think of me now

(insane?)

I think Duke will think that you fit right in with the rest of this group!

Duke · 06-24-2007, 03:15 PM

Actually, this topic has been weighing rather heavily on my mind to be honest ever since you told me she had died lu. I think she was a big loser and especially so for abandoning her family. I can understand if her hubby was a nitwit (as he was) but to abandon your own child, someone you carried for 9 months and then gave birth to, well, that makes you the lowest form of low IMHO.

I'm also at odds with my thoughts on the matter as I hold more contempt for them both in death than I did in life. To me, they had until their last breath to try and make amends and neither chose to do so. They are scum to me and I have no use for their memories yet I'm haunted by them.

PepsiChic · 06-24-2007, 03:26 PM

i dont think its fair of anyone to expect you not to be unhappy with them.

after all they dont sound like nice people, and why should they deserve any amount of respect that they themselves couldnt give?

i dont blame you at all and i dont know or understand everything that went on but from what i do know and have trued to understand i dont think its worth worrying about, i think over time you will ever forgive and forget, or just move on.

Luba · 06-24-2007, 04:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Duke

I have no use for their memories yet I'm haunted by them.

To tell you in all honesty, so am I at this time and I'm working on it! To me family is about love (Like the phone call with your Uncle Peter today), and when there is none in the family; how can one deal with that and not be haunted by it??

TKDLady · 06-24-2007, 06:36 PM

Love each other, love your kids, and forget about the people that made your life miserable. You have a wonderful mother, father, brother and daughter Duke. Concentrate on that and any of your other immediate family. The others aren't worth the pain you are going through.