Quotable Quotes

[Luba]

I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: "no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall." (Eleanor Roosevelt)

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending and have the two as close together as possible. (George Burns)

Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
(Victor Borge)

By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (Groucho Marx)

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech - every now and then she stops to breathe. (Jimmy Durante)

I never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
(Zsa Zsa Gabor)

Ony Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: Alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. (Alex Levine)

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. (Ed Furgol)

Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. (Spike Milligan)

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
(Henny Youngman)

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up'. (Joe Namath)