(Fiction) Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

[wolvesjr34]

Well here is something I started writing many moons ago. Doubt i'll finish it, but I wanted to share it here.

Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

Laura was in the process of completing her Spanish assignment when she heard her door open and Ashley walk in. She glanced at the clock on her computer desktop, it read One a.m. "You were out late."

Ashley had a huge grin on her face as she flopped down on the bed. "Yep, I sure was."

The American swivelled on chair so that she was facing her friend. "What's got you so excited?"

"Kasey!"

"Oh yeah? What she done for you now?"

"She's asked me to go back to Australia with her."

Laura was stunned. She had figured that Ashley had only been a passing interest of the musician's. "What did you say?"

"That I'd think about it."

"How long do you have?" she returned her gaze to the computer, saving the final touches of the Spanish assignment.

Ashley moved from the bed to a position standing behind Laura with a hand on either shoulder as she peered over at the computer screen. "Your paper done then?"

"Yeah." She shrugged away from the Australian's touch. "When do you have to go back with Kasey?"

"Why? Jealous are you?" she laughed.

"Not on your life! I just want to know when I get my dorm back to myself." She stood up and walked away from Ashley, forcing back the emotion that screamed to be let out. Three years of denial combined with a disbelief that anything good could actually eventuate from exploring her feelings had led her to the point she was at. Ashley was happy. She was miserable, having missed what she felt was her opportunity to tell her that she loved her.

"In two days."

Laura spun around. "Two days? Have you made a decision?"

"Does it make a difference to you?"

Was that an opening? She decided against that thought. "Just concerned for you...that's all."

Ashley sighed. She realised Laura would never put herself on the line, not now. "I think I'm gonna go with her. Feeling home sick."

Laura nodded slowly. She wanted to reach out and touch her, to give her all that she'd once dreamed of, to feel for herself what it was like to really touch the woman she had been so afraid to love. She wished she could return to the day Ashley had sent her the instant message professing her love. A love Laura had always known existed and had cajoled into the open only to rebuff the openness and leave her friend broken hearted. She wished that she had chosen the other path. "I'll miss having you around." It was as close as she was going to be able to get to saying 'I'll miss you'.

Ashley smiled. "I'll miss you too."

"Are you kidding? You'll be on tour with Kasey." She walked over to her drawer and pulled out a bottle of Southern Comfort Whiskey. She slumped down on to the end of the bed and opened the bottle. "Here's to Australian country music stars!" The sarcasm was ripe in her voice.

It was blatantly obvious to Ashley that Laura didn't want her to go, but that she was allowing her pride and stubbornness to prevent her from asking her not to. She also didn't much like the thought that Laura was going to drink herself into a stupor in an attempt to suppress her feelings. "So you're going to play that game then?"

"I'm not playing any games Ash. I'm simply keeping my word."

Ashley knew what Laura was referring to and she also knew that the desire to remain true to a word given over three years prior had more to do with a deep rooted fear of rejection, than some deep loyalty or concern for the friendship.

CRZYAUZZY12: We really need to talk.
DIVALICIOUS13: Yeah we do.
CRZYAUZZY12: I can't go on this way. It's killing me.
DIVALICIOUS13: I'm sorry.
CRZYAUZZY12: Don't be. I understand that you and I are in different places right now and I accept it. Just promise me one thing...
DIVALICIOUS13: What's that?
CRZYAUZZY12: Don't come to me in six months from now with a change of heart. Because I don't think I could handle it. It would kill me.
DIVALICIOUS13: I know. If anything ever transpired that way and you were happy or involved with someone, I would keep it to myself. You have my word on that.
CRZYAUZZY12: Okay. I think I'm goin' to go now, I need some time alone.
DIVALICIOUS13: Are you okay?
CRZYAUZZY12: Yeah. TTYL.
DIVALICIOUS13: Laters.

[wolvesjr34]

"What are you really afraid of?" queried the Australian.

"Who said I was afraid of anything?" came the reply, before another swig of whiskey was swallowed.

"Would you put that bottle down?"

"Leave it alone!"

Ashley shook her head and in a fit of anger grabbed the bottle of Southern Comfort and threw it across the room where it bounced harmlessly off the wall onto the ground, spewing liquid out all over the place. "You're going to talk to me. Don't shut me out."

Laura removed her gaze from the bottle of whiskey and focused on her friend. "It doesn't matter Ash."

"It matters to me...don't you realise that?" She knelt down in front of the American; "Do you really think that I want to leave?"

"I don't know what you want." She was lying. She knew exactly what Ashley wanted and had wanted for years, however she was too afraid to open up.

“I’m not playing this game again Laura. I’m not going to open myself up again…not after last time.” She found herself in a tough situation, longing for Laura to finally admit her true feelings and yet not knowing if she would be capable of handling it if it happened.

“Let me kiss you.”

Her eyes went wide, “Say what?”

“Remember how I told you we would kiss one day?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let me kiss you.” The intensity burned in her eyes. She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, however she was passionate about the decision she’d made.

“You don’t know what you’re asking of me.”

Laura slid off the end of the bed onto her knee’s right in front of Ashley. Maybe it was the whiskey that was giving her the courage, she didn’t really know, she just knew that she had to take the chance. She looked into the eyes of the woman she wished was her own. “Tell me not to do this and I won’t.”

“I…” she shuddered as she felt Laura’s hand on her face. Her heart was racing and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to stop at just a kiss. A big part of her urged her to surrender to her desires, to experience what she’d dreamed about for years. Her brain, however, chided her for being so foolish and implored her to pull away. “Laura…”

“Yes?” she looked directly into Ashley’s eyes.

The Australian averted her gaze, she had seen the one thing she had been afraid of seeing all along. Love. She swallowed hard, trying so desperately to fight her natural urges. It was then she felt it, the gentle, tender, probing kiss. She leaned into the kiss and felt her body scream out for more, she felt like she was on fire. Then Laura pulled away, she looked at her expectantly.

“Don’t go.” She watched her friend, waiting to see what she did.

She stood up and backed away towards the door, “I need some air.”

“Ash?” She stood up and advanced towards her friend.

“I can’t…I want to, but I can’t.” She knew she had to leave, she couldn’t handle the intensity of what she was feeling and she believed it could and would only end badly. “I’m sorry.”

“No!” She reached out and grabbed her by the arm. “What do I have to give you? I need you Ashley…I need you.”

“Please don’t.” she begged.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t say it.”

“But isn’t this what you want?”

“Yes…no…God…” She felt around beside herself for the door handle, desperately trying to escape what she had always wanted.

Laura moved back. “Okay, you go and get your air. You know where I am.” She was of the opinion that she had waited too long to make her move and that Ashley had sufficient feelings for Kasey to ensure whatever they had, remained unexplored.

Ashley found the handle and left the room. Everything that had taken place had overwhelmed her to the point of tears, tears that she didn’t want Laura to see. She found a stairwell and sat down, she had a lot of thinking to do concerning what her next move was going to be. Did she stay and face an immense battle to remain in the country with Laura or did she go back home with Kasey and have everything she ever wanted. Everything that is, except for Laura.

Laura cleaned up the whiskey and turned off her computer, trying to keep herself busy because she didn’t want to think about what had happened. Unfortunately when she turned on the radio it was playing a song that reminded her of the love she had so foolishly thrown away. She flopped down on to her bed as she listened to the song, which Ashley had dedicated to her years before.

[wolvesjr34]

DIVALICIOUS13: What are you doing?
CRZYAUZZY12: Listening to music, playing solitaire.
DIVALICIOUS13: What are you listening to?
CRZYAUZZY12: Do What You Have To Do – Sarah.
DIVALICIOUS13: Right.
CRZYAUZZY12: Sorry. It’s just another song I’ve added to the list.
DIVALICIOUS13: Right.
CRZYAUZZY12: What’s wrong?
DIVALICIOUS13: Nothing. I’m just feeling a lot of pressure today.
CRZYAUZZY12: I’m sorry that I feel the way I do. You know if there was a way I could not love you, I’d embrace it. Because I really don’t need to feel this bad.


The song finished and Laura switched the radio off. She had started to make some sense of Ashley’s behaviour, at least she thought she’d worked out the biggest issue. She’d been asked to choose between a reasonably successful musician who was rightly so in being smitten and herself, who had never been good in previous situations that required commitment. Country star versus Spanish major? She knew that unless she made a grand gesture she wouldn’t be able to convince Ashley of her sincerity. After all wasn’t she the one to drag the admission of love in the first place only to retreat in fear? She didn’t blame Ashley for baulking away from the situation.

As she thought about it, she could only come up with one thing that would cut through all the reservations that the Australian had - without going online and memorising all the Australian football champions - she needed the perfect song. Music had always touched Ashley and the only way to compete with the musician was to find the one song that would mean the most coming from her.

Laura leaped from her bed and started rifling through the hundreds of CD’s she had, almost giving up hope of finding the one she was after. “Yes!” she cried out in excitement. She had found the CD with the songs that had been dedicated to her on it and it was the reference point for the artists that held the secret she needed access to. Tracy Chapman? Sarah McLachlan? Reba McEntire? No, she knew what she needed was an Australian artist, because if one thing was true in this world, I was her own disliking of Australian music. The ultimate gesture was an Australian song that expressed exactly what she felt. She searched her brain for an artist that might possibly have the ability to express what she needed to get across. Paul Kelly? Natalie Imbruglia? Tina Arena?

Out of frustration she flung the CD across the room, she couldn’t think straight, all she could see was her best friend returning to Australia, never again to think about what may have been. Laura didn’t know what had possessed her into letting Ashley get away in the first place. The fact she was a student and lived on opposite sides of the globe came to mind. It wasn’t good enough. She knew that deep down it was only her fear of stuffing it up to the point of losing her best friend for good, that had held her back.



Ashley finished crying and went to the bathroom to wash her face, because the last thing she wanted was to make Laura feel any worse. She couldn’t trust that she would get a positive outcome and after the numerous times her heart had led her down the wrong path, she wasn’t willing to trust what was being said. She exited the bathroom and walked back down the hall, pausing outside Laura’s door, where she sucked in a deep breath. She walked in and was stunned by the sight of her American friend sitting cross legged on her bed, surrounded by CD’s. “What on Earth?”

Laura looked up. “Oh, you’re back.”

“Do you want me to go again?”

“No…no. I’m just looking for something that’s all.”

“Which album?”

“Oh, not an album…a song.” she said with an exasperated sigh.

“Which one? Maybe I can help you find it.”

“I need the song Ash…”

“The song?”

Laura looked up at her friend with puppy dog like eyes, “Yeah. The one that expresses to you exactly how I feel about you.”

“Oh.” She cleared some space on the bed and sat down opposite her friend. “You don’t need a song. I’ve seen it in your eyes.” She stacked some of the CD’s and then returned her attention fully to Laura. “I felt it in your kiss…”

“Then stay!”

“It’s not that simple.”

“I love you Ashley. I always have. I know that you feel the same way…”

“Stop! Please…” It was becoming increasingly difficult for her to maintain her composure.

“Why?”

“Because if you keep going you’ll win me over. I can’t risk myself again.” she said as she placed the CD’s she’d been stacking down beside the bed on the floor.

“You don’t understand…”

“You tell me you love me now…but tomorrow it will be someone else…”

“No!” She pushed all the other CD’s off of the bed. “Let me show you.”

“Laura, please…”

It was then that the song she was after occurred to Laura. The song that was going to make or break her. “Now that I’ve found you by Human Nature.”

“What?”

“That’s the song!” She reached out and softly touched Ashley’s hand. “Now that I’ve found you…”

Ashley started crying. She should have been happy but she wasn’t and she didn’t understand why. There was no reason to go on resisting the desires that were screaming out at her. If only she knew how to advance. “Laura…”

“Yes?”

“Make love to me.” She looked directly at the woman she loved, knowing that no matter what happened in the future, she wanted Laura to be the first woman she made love with. Fate had given her the chance after leading her on a winding course of one cruel blow after another. This was her destiny as far as she was concerned, to share such a special moment with the woman she had loved for so long.

“Are you sure?” Laura asked gently, smiling softly. A smile that had rarely been shown to the world in such a long time.

“I can’t promise you anything, but do know that I love you Laura with all of my heart and soul.” She then leaned in and kissed the stunned American.

~~~~~~

The end? thanks for reading. Comments appreciated.

[Vautrin]

You have a very good writing style, AJ. Although the ending appears to be a bit 'rushed'. Hope to respond more indepth in a couple of days, if not sooner.

[wolvesjr34]

Originally Posted by Vautrin

You have a very good writing style, AJ. Although the ending appears to be a bit 'rushed'. Hope to respond more indepth in a couple of days, if not sooner.

That's because it was just the beginning.. but I can't finish it now.

[wolvesjr34]

I'm guessing nobody else has anything to say HA HA

[PepsiChic]

im sorry aj i been absent and havent kept up with the new threads,

i just read this entire thing and i love it, your very talented at expressive writing, and i really hope you'll keep it up.

every thing we do in life has negative and positives, i do with my photography as you do with your writing. so remember if i point anything out that seems a bit negative, its just advice, and my opinion. and for every negative sounding thing i say about your creative writing, there is much more positive!

i enjoyed the story, and the characters seemed very realistic, but id of enjoyed reading a little bit into their backgrounds. having a past in a story is a great way of building up a character, and for people reading it to understand that person a little bit more and a little bit closer to how the author is trying to project them to the readers.

an example of this would be:

"She's asked me to go back to Australia with her."

why would an american have been in australia to begin with? how did she go from being an american to living in australia, to being back in america?

also when you do long dialogs between the character, throw in a name here and there just so people dont get confused between the two (or however many)

ie.

“Please don’t.” she begged.

“Don’t what?”

“Don’t say it.”

“But isn’t this what you want?”

“Yes…no…God…” She felt around beside herself for the door handle, desperately trying to escape what she had always wanted.

you could change the first line of that to "Please don't." begged Ashley

it helps separate who says what and makes it easier to follow for readers.

i hope this helps a bit, and you dont think im being a bit over-critic, when i look at the photos i take i have to be self-criticizing, because i want my photos to be perfect. and while i know i can never achive it, i strive to get as close to it as i can, and its other peoples perspective on things that point out the little things you dont think of when you look over your own work.

all in all Aj, i loved the story, and i think if you keep it up, they can only get better and better!

x

[wolvesjr34]

Nah it's good feedback Pepsi, stuff I've noticed myself... it was somehting I wrote a while ago, it was going to be part of a novel... and that was just a random excerpt I wrote... but I liked a lot of it that's why I shared it...

I do actually have a completed novel length story (77,000 words I think)... but that's way too long to share here lol

If anyone would like to read it (baring in mind its only a first draft and the first 50,000 words were written in 23 days) PM me your email address and I'll send it to you...

[Vautrin]

77,000 words is quite a bit. I somehow managed to write something with a total length of 300,000 words myself a few years ago (in Dutch, sadly).

I had not forgotten about this thread, but the last couple of weeks were quite hectic to say the least. Hopefully I will put in my 2 cents worth in the next 12-24 hours.

[wolvesjr34]

I look forward to your thoughts Vautrin. I'm currently trying to write something new... giving it the same title of Fumbling Towards Ecstasy though... but it's a struggle.

[Luba]

AJ, I just started reading the Story and I was hooked immediately! I'm SO glad I put it off until I had the time set aside to read it in one sitting. I LOVED it, it's GREAT, intriguing right from the start.

You are extremely talented and express the emotion extremely well! I would, without a doubt, read your books! Get writing, girl! You have INCREDIBLE TALENT!

[wolvesjr34]

Expressing emotion is probably my literary strength. I do have problems with describing characters looks, but that could be because I've never viewed looks as important... but it's something I need to improve I believe.