Young teens and dating

[Dwoing]

Two years ago I moved to a new school to become educated in the french language. In the second term one of the kids in the english class asked me to be his girl-friend. I was confused because I was only eleven at the time, and I barely knew this kid. A few of my friends (that had been with me when the kid asked me to be his girl-friend) have been "going out" with different guys since grade 4. One if my friends has "gone out" with every guy in my class and some in the english class as well. Personally I have not gone out with anyone as I dont see the point.

Anyways the reason I brought this up is because most of the kids parents know that there kid is dating, and don't do anything about it.
I think that's very strange because if I brought a guy home from school and introduced him to my parents as my "boy-friend", my dad would probably have a heart attack and my mom would shove him out the door with a broom. Then I would have to live with the everlasting "guilt".

I was wondering what your prospectives might be on this. Is this bad parenting, or not a big deal at all?

Since grade six, I have had four other guys ask me the same question, (will you be my girl-friend/Do you want to go out with me?)
My answer has always been no thanks and quick hug. Every guy I have ever said no to has continued being my friend. I think it's way easier just to be friends/ best friends with a guy then have to go out with them. It makes things easier too, and less awkward.

[Luba]

I totally agree with you, Dwoing; I think age fifteen is an all-right age to start dating providing the Parents have had several talks with the daughter/son on all aspects of dating.

[Vautrin]

I agree fully with you. I never saw the point myself, and judging by the "relationships" that I know of, it often ended in total disaster. And awkward situations for just about everyone around those couples. I remember one school trip with pupils from my grade (I was 11, if memory serves), in which the whole class was confronted with the drama of a falling out. Not nice.

I guess, it is a part of growing up, and showing maturity by starting these relationships. But more is needed to keep a relationship, than just starting it. And being mature about it, brings a whole set of responsibilities and needs with it.

I don't think it is necessarily bad parenting if these relationships start per se, but that is really dependent on the maturity of the children involved. Nor do I think that maturity is gained simply by going out with people, or having relationships per se. Being aware of the effects of decisions, and thinking them through are much more important. And as much as you may hate me to say it, but I think your parents can be proud of you, because you display such sound judgement.

You will spend 50-70 years being an adult. Ask your mom and dad how hard that is, so please enjoy your youth while you still can.

[twinkle]

hum... girls are much more mature than boys, especially in their teen.

If your question is: ' I am 13, everybody else is dating, should I date?' the answer is no, because I take it in 2 more years those people will also become sexually active.

If, on the other hand, you have met a certain guy, you like him, he's cute, clean, washes his hands often and is crazy about you, then... things are a bit different. The question is NOT comparing yourself to the standard, but making choices for yourself.

Theoretically speaking, 13 is young. I started dating about the same time, and then at 14 I got my heart broken, so maybe I went a bit fast . Age has nothing to do with emotional maturity... just remember that if you're unsure about that, boys are even more immature...

[Scott]

Originally Posted by twinkle

I started dating about the same time, and then at 14 I got my heart broken, so maybe I went a bit fast . ...

Remember that Twinkle is Romanian, and Latins tend to mature faster than most: Fast is a relative term, and when she says "fast" that would be Lightspeed for the average girl.

Kids say they are "dating" but really, what does that mean? If it means they're left alone together in the basement overnight to watch romantic movies then my daughter's not dating until she's 20 years old.

On the other hand, if it means meeting to study together at the library, then I'll let her "Date" at 13.

And don't think I won't show up at the library to check up on her.

[Luba]

Originally Posted by Scott

On the other hand, if it means meeting to study together at the library, then I'll let her "Date" at 13.

And don't think I won't show up at the library to check up on her.

that's what is called 'trust'

[twinkle]

It's very embarassing to admit it, but.... my first bf and I went to the same school and... he'd ocassionally carry my backpack on the way to my house - lived on the same street. We'd talk for hours and that made him notoriously late home. The bad part was his kissing some other girl because I wouldn't. I still am glad to be over my teen years

Fate got him in return, trust me !

[Scott]

Originally Posted by twinkle

It's very embarassing to admit it, but.... my first bf and I went to the same school and... he'd ocassionally carry my backpack on the way to my house - lived on the same street. We'd talk for hours and that made him notoriously late home. The bad part was his kissing some other girl because I wouldn't. I still am glad to be over my teen years

Fate got him in return, trust me !

Why did he want you to kiss another girl?

[Weiser]

Originally Posted by Scott

Why did he want you to kiss another girl?

[twinkle]

Originally Posted by Scott

Why did he want you to kiss another girl?

Must be an archetypal men/male thing...

[Scott]

Originally Posted by twinkle

Must be an archetypal men/male thing...

Does this mean you NEVER kissed another girl?

[twinkle]

hahaha, Scott, haven't you learnt that I never kiss and tell !?!

[Vautrin]

that leaves:
a) kissing and not telling
b) not kissing and telling
c) not kissing and not telling