shocking news

[Star]

I thought krystal was doing very well for herself these past months. in some ways she is but that all got knocked down to hell this afternoon. I'm back at being filled with mixed emotions.

she got into a fight with her boyfriend. she runs here. he calls because he's worried she'll do something stupid because she's angry and out of control right now. I give him crap for some of the things he did and i give her crap for some of the things she did. they're both at fault anyhow so i lecture the both of them. fine. but, ready?

he tells me that krystal is pregnant with his kid. 2 months pregnant to be exact and that krystal wants to get an abortion and he doesn't want her to. thta's what they've been fighting about. i lost it!

I told him that he had no business getting my daughter pregnant since he has a 2 1/2 year old little boy that he can't even take care of and i told krystal the same thing about her situation. he then apologizes saying "it was a mistake". well i flipped again and told him that he already had his maistake when he got another girl pregant with his son. grant him that but, twice? not a mistake. told him he should've been waring condoms. told krystal she should've been on birth control and making sure he wears condoms at the least!

so, krystal has a apointment to go get an abortion next week. I would've rather of not known about this! she knew this whihc is why she kept it from me.

there's more if you can believe that! this is not the first time her and her boyfriend got pregnant! this is the 2nd time!!!!! they've been together only 5 months tops!! the first time, she got an abortion without telling him or anyone. this will be her 2nd abortion in a matter on months. nice huh?

i asked her if this is her plan. to use abortion as her birth control. she said the law only allows 3. so i said then what? are you going to learn your lesson after the 3rd? she should've learned her lesson after erika! i let her have it!!! one day she might want a child (when she's finally grown up and mature!!) and might not be able to bare anymore children because of all these abortions. she's so clueless!!!!!

there's more.... her boyfriend tells me she's done ex a couple times while she's pregnant. nice huh? i laid into krystal about that one too.

i am so angry, sad, disapointed (again!) and confused. what do i do with this kid?!? she's not going through with this pregnancy and i'm not going to try and stop her no matter how against i am about abortion. if she had a baby, children's aid told me that if i couldn't take the baby, then the baby would be apprehended at birth. i can't take another one. first of all i don't have the room and second, i just can't do that anymore. having erika is all i can do right now. 2 babies would be way too much.

my beautiful daughter is always disapointing me. the nightmare is never ending.

[twinkle]

If it's that hard for her to stick to the pill, there are other ways of not getting pregnant, a whole lot, actually, it's enough that she sees a doc about it.

Star, I don't think she realise what she's doing. She just doesn't want another baby. Abvortions must be heart breaking, poor kid . Twice in such a little time... I hope she copes with it alright.

The thing it, it's her life, and you can't do a damn thing to prevent her from making her own mistakes. I think you're doing a great job as a mom and grandmother. Don't be afraid to tell your kid the truth, when she's a dissapointment, when she's a joy, when she's a pest... she'll learn from it.

Some people simply have a harder time in finding their path, that's all.

[Luba]

Star, how heartbreaking for all of you!

There is probably nothing you can do but love her, which shows so much in your post! She will make her own mistakes, and she'll be affected by them, but there is nothing you can do, you have to take care of yourself!

You are obviously a wonderful Mother raising Erika already, and you can't feel guilt for not taking on another, I think it's beyond your control anyway, it sounds like she's made her own decision already.

My God, what a difficult time for all of you! She is your child and you love her, sometimes that's all we can give our children.

[Merika]

Oh GOD Star I'm sorry! I can sooo understand how you must be feeling about now. These goofy a$$ed girls forget that babies aren't dolls....they are people who need to be raised and taken care of!

I know how you feel about the abortion thing and I would be going thru the same delimma. It's heart breaking and just impossible to sort out. I know you want to kick her butt....and Lord knows she deserves it....but all you can do is face it all with a clear head and help her make a decision which is the best for all concerned.

You can't really blame the boy..... few boys say NO. Then again, Krystal seems to be looking for love in all the wrong places. It's not like she didn't have a CLUE that she could get pregnant! What WAS she thinking!!!

If you think it would help for her to get a chance of pace...you could always send her to my house for awhile...a couple of months or so to help her get out of bad habits and away from all the distractions. The worst she could do is get pregnant from a sailor who has a job and can pay child support and medical care. I don't know. Whatever I can do to help....just let me know.

She is so close in age and possible situation to Chloe that I can totally understand what you are feeling.

[Star]

everytime i think of that little baby that she aborted and the one that she's planning on aborting, i cry. my heart is broken. I look at erika and think she's the lucky one out of the 3. I'm so hurt that krystal can have the heart to do this.

I know that realistically she can't take care of these children, I know that if these babies were born, I'd want to step in and take care of them myself, I know that it would be even harder to give these babies up for adoption. i already went through all these emotions and thoughts when she got pregnant the first time. but still, these are babies, not dolls that you can get rid of so easlily. I'm crushed.

I'm not blaming just the boy, I'm blaming the both of them because it is both their faults. I gave both of them the exact same lecture yesterday. Why are there so many irresponsible young people out there in this world today? they don't listen to squat!

I told krystal to tell his mother to call me today. she'll be calling me this afternoon sometime. I think this is something that the 2 of us need to talk about because it does involve both our kids. She knew that krystal was pregnant and didn't tell me. she told krystal to get an abortion. she needs to know that this isn't the first time they got pregnant and i am going to tell her this.

I haven't told gerry yet. I'm afraid to. he's already so disapointed in krystal and they're just starting to have somewhat of a relationship. I don't want this to mess that up for the 2 of them and i know it will. He's got to know and i know i can't keep this a secret from him forever but for now, i feel like i have to. I haven't told anyone in my family yet. i guess i don't want them to think worse of krystal then they already do.

I've got my best friend coming today for a few days from sault ste marie. i will talk to her about it for sure when we're alone.

I still need to sort all this out and let it sink in. i'm still in shock and i wish to god this wasn't happening.

thanks everyone for all your kind words and advice.

[Duke]

I'd make Krystal tell your hubby about the whole deal, no need for you to carry the burden, nor the secret. As for your daughter, what can you do, she's beyond control? Clearly she has no concept of anything other than herself and no thoughts of anything beyond the moment.

I'm really sorry for what you're going through Star, and family of course. This really is needless weight and I wish it weren't happening to you. Have you ever thought of turning your back to your daughter? I know it sounds harsh, but she seems to know that mommy will always be there when she screws up. She wears it as a security blanket it seems and maybe removing it from her may teach her a lesson plus keep your stress level down.

I can't imagine ever turning my back on my child, but if she's on the wrong path with no end in site and no regard for anyone other than herself, then what choices do you have as a parent?

[Merika]

I wonder why in the world she doesn't use any one of the number of birth control pills, patches, etc available to her. She wouldn't even have to pay for it. It HAS to be better for her physcially/mentally than doing the abortion thing.

[Star]

Duke, I could never turn my back on my child unless she became something like a karla homolka. It's just not in me.

I finally talked to brandon's (her boyfriend) mother today and she's just as upset about this as i am. she had no idea that this is their second time getting pregnant though so i filled her in. She's part time raising her grandson (brandon's 2 1/2 year old son) and i'm raising erika full time. both of our plates are full. She's going to call me in the next couple of days so that we can talk some more about this. I think that her, me and the two of them should all sit down and have a nice little chat. maybe that's what i'll suggest that we do to her when she calls.

Merika, i've been nagging her about birth control since she gave birth to erika (even before that actually) and why she isn't on any kind of it is beyond me. I have no idea why she doesn't. stupidity i guess.

[Merika]

What a couple of nutt heads! They don't take care of the kids they've already got...but yet keep breeding like rabbits! Makes you wanna reach out and BOP them on the head!

Is there any way you can force her to begin with the 3 -6 month arm patch or an insert? Maybe between you and the other mom she is living with.... you guys could put some pressure on her to do this. One day she is going to be an adult in a marriage and may want more children. Using abortion as a birth control tool is taking alot of risks with her physical capacity to have the choice later.

I'm glad the other mother is working with you and trying to help the situation.

[Stone]

Well even after I had my baby I am still pro choice but I don't believe in using abortion as a method of birth control especially when there are several options of BC out there. but in the same sense I think your daughter is making the right decision.

I went to my mid-wife today to discuss birth control options and I am getting a IUD in my cervix witch I think would be great for your daughter, they have 5 year and 10 year ones the product is called Meritta and can be taken out at any time if she decides she wants to have a planned pregnancy, very little risk of sterilization. OR she can opt to get the DEPO Shot witch you only have to get 4 times a year.


How long has she been doing EX?

[Stone]

http://www.paragard.com/new_installs/paragard/

Here is a link to the IUD birth control

[Star]

What a couple of nutt heads! They don't take care of the kids they've already got...but yet keep breeding like rabbits! Makes you wanna reach out and BOP them on the head!

I'd like to do more then jsut bop the both of them on the head. they're being so irresponsible!

We can;'t do anything to force them or her to take birth control. it's up to her to go and get it. I talked to her about all the options of birth control that's available now since she was pregnant with erika and still nothing's sinking in. his mother has also nagged her about it on a regular basis. my daughter's such an idiot sometimes.

The IUD sounds good stone but getting her to do that is another story. i've told her about that one too and so has her aunts. i wish she'd do something!

How long has she been doing EX?

I have no idea. I have to pick a time when the two of us are alone without gerry or kassandra around and talk to her about drugs. another serious talk about drugs. that will be something i ask. maybe tonight. she's here now taking care of erika (erika's got the 24 hour stomach flu ) so i might drive her home tonight and take that opportunity to talk to her about everything. if she stays that late and doesn't decide to leave on her own.

[Stone]

WOw if you need any help I'm here 4 ya, I was addicted to that stuff for several years, thank god I never touched it again after I had Noah but many of my friends still do it, Noah's dad took it to extream and became a full blown junkie..

Ex is a very very serious drug and will lead to others soon it always does, I hope for Erika's sake she nips that in the bud real quick because it will do nothing but destroy any chance of her getting her crap togeather

[Star]

I know. I told gerry today about everything. the 2 pregnancies and the drugs. While krystal was here, both gerry and i sat with her and talked to her about this pregnancy and touch a little on the drugs. We feel this pregnancy is top priority right now and we'll deal with the drug thing next week or so.

Krystal called the birth center and i brought her there this afternoon. She's got to call them back in the morning for an appointment with the doctor that will do the abortion. She will get the birth control needle right after the abortion and i will pay for it. it costs 25.00 every 3 months.

Sitting in that room talking about my daughter getting an abortion was the absolute hardest thing i have ever done in my entire life. I am so against abortion and this is really really hard on me. I cried all the way home then talked to gerry and cried some more. I'm still crying. I feel like i'm an accomplice to murder. I told gerry that I need counselling to deal with this now! this is going to give my nightmares.

I will be there for krystal through the whole thing no matter how painful this is for me to even be involved in. As hard as it is for me, it's got to be 100 times worse for her on the inside. she should at least have me there with her. Both gerry and i are supporting her decision as hard as it is for the both of us.

Her boyfriend doesn't want her to have this abortion. gerry and i are going to have a talk with him also. i just found out now that he's coming to pick krystal up later so that'll be the time we talk to him.

God forgive me for not helping this baby live. OMG! This is soooo hard for me to handle.