shocking news

[Merika]

If they want to keep the baby....then she should come back home to learn some parenting skills from you and spend time with Erika. They should BOTH get whatever schooling they need and have jobs at the same time. They should save their money. THEN, when the baby is born...they can make a decision depending on how far they have gotten in their saving.

Easier said than done....but it's the only way I can think of that would show either one of them even half way as being responsible to raise the new baby.

Just like with Erika....adoption sounds easy until you see the baby and fall in love with it.

[Star]

Just like with Erika....adoption sounds easy until you see the baby and fall in love with it.

with erika, she wasn't even born yet and i changed my mind about the adoption. I could never go through an adoption and gerry knows that as well. i don't think he could either. He keeps saying - "another erika" we all love erika so much and we know we'd love the next one just as much but we can't take in another one.

Whatever she chooses, we're just going to have to support that decision no matter what it is. Abortion and adoption will be extra hard for gerry and i but we'll have to do that if krystal wants to so that she'll have to live with her decision and maybe learn something? We're not bailing her out of this one. doing that the first time obviously didn't teach her anything.

She's coming over tomorrow. i'll talk to her more about it then. I told gerry tonight about what she said to me this morning. he's all confused and emotional about this just like i am. this is so hard!

I should've paid for her birth control right from the get go. it would've saved us a ton of grief. i wish i could turn back the clock.

[Luba]

Star, thinking of you today and wishing you weren't in so much pain! I don't have any words of wisdom or real comfort, is there really any that one can say? Just know you and your family are in my prayers through this difficult time!!!

[twinkle]

Star, it's one impossible situation you're in. But you have to STOP getting this involved in your daughter's life and let her pay for her own mistakes.

Stop talking to her, stop talking to her bf, to his bf's mother. That's HER job. This pregnancy is HER problem and she needs to understand this. If you keep running her life, she'll keep thinking you'll be there to bail her out.

NO!!!!


If she'll have another kid, you'll be there to occasionally buy food or some closes for the kid. That's all she'll ever see from you. Make her understand this, otherwise, God forgive me, but she'll keep being reckless about this.


You've got nothing to feel guilty because. It's not you the one who got pregnant and it's NOT YOU the one who decides. It's her. You've got no reason to have nightmares about, Star. LET HET PAY FOR HER MISTAKES. Let her deal with this alone, let her be scared and alone. She won't learn otherwise. She can't keep being irresponsable.

Tough love, Star. Still love, though.

[Star]

it's easier said then done twinkle, it really is. I can't cut her out and leave her standed. i'm not made that way. times like this i wish i were but i'm not.

She spent the day here and gerry and i were able to talk with her. We now know exactly what her plan is with this. She knows that we won't take in another baby and she said she doesn't expect us to.

she cried and said she does not want the abortion. she doesn't want to kill her baby. We told her that was a fair feeling because we both felt the same way.

so, she's going to have this baby and she wants to take care of the baby by herself with her boyfriend. She is taking programs and she is going to start school in a couple weeks (school for young moms) to get her high school diploma. she will in this school take all other courses that she needs to learn how to be a parent and get counselling and all of it. it's a great school program for kids like her. she is starting a full time job next week that will work around her school schedule once that starts up. she goes to school 3 days a week, 1/2 days.

We are trying to talk her into going to this place where they would give her a 2 bedroom apartment, fully supervised with cameras and security plus all the support she would need. there they also have programs for her to take as well whihc she would take.

gerry and i would be there for her as a support system. that's all we can or will do.

[twinkle]

8O OMG, so she's not gonna do it after all.

Truth be told, she did let her pregnancy to get very far in order to have an abvortion now. My personal belief is that it's just a cell. Not a baby. But the more one stalls with this decision, the more this cell transforms into a baby.

I've never had an abvortion, Star, nor a kid, so my take on this isn't relevant because I HAVEN'T BEEN there.

What I do know is that God has a reason for everything. And if Krystal is strong enough to take the consequences of her deed, than may God help her and make her strong, because she'll need it.


I still think that she has no idea what she's getting herself into, though. How did the news affect KAssandra?

[Star]

at 10 weeks, the baby has 10 finders and 10 toes. She's 3 months. it's a tiny little baby which is why we were all having such a hard time with this. I can't believe they give abortions up to 5 months pregnant!

Kassandra isn't happy at all about the whole thing. she thought that erika was going to go live with krystal and she got very upset about that until we assured her that erika isn't going anywhere for now. She's still soaking it all in. she says krystal is so stupid to get pregnant again. she's right!

I hope that this time around, she goes through all the heavy labor and gives birth the natural way; not by c-section. She needs to feel all of it. the whole thing! The baby is due on gerry's mom's birthday, march 19th. I guess this time i'm geting an easter present. I still think this baby as a gift from god even if krystal is still so young. She won't be alone in this. she'll have her boyfriend, his mom and gerry and i to keep an eye on things. make sure the baby is being taken care of properly and in a healthy way. not to mention all the support she'll be getting from her programs.

Like i told gerry last night after she left. We have to show her positive thinking and praise her with every accomplishment she finishes no matter how small it is to us. being negative won't accomplish anything. nothing positive comes from a negative so our negative thoughts we'll have to keep to ourselves.

I believe that things happen for a reason also. I don't believe that god put this baby there for no reason. prhaps so she can really learn her lesson this time around? we are not taking this one in so she is going to be the full time mom to this one.

I feel a little better and not so depressed now that i know what the plan is and what's coming up ahead. not knowing was so stressful not to mention that whole abortion issue. Now i can look ahead, accept it and move on. I'm going to have 2 grand-children and be 41 years old. wow!

[Samson]

Originally Posted by Star

so, krystal has a apointment to go get an abortion next week. I would've rather of not known about this! she knew this whihc is why she kept it from me.

this will be her 2nd abortion in a matter on months. nice huh?

i asked her if this is her plan. to use abortion as her birth control. she said the law only allows 3. so i said then what? are you going to learn your lesson after the 3rd? . she's so clueless!!!!!

there's more.... her boyfriend tells me she's done ex a couple times while she's pregnant. nice huh? i laid into krystal about that one too.

i am so angry, sad, disapointed (again!) and confused. what do i do with this kid?!?

my beautiful daughter is always disapointing me. the nightmare is never ending.

OK, seriously, Star, here is my suggestion:

Offer to pay to have Krystal sterilized.

I know it sounds very harsh, but I gotta tell you from the impartial point of view, this doesn't seem like an unrealistic solution to what seems to be a problem of proportions you've described.

Bruttally,
Samson

[twinkle]

I had no idea the DL for having an abvortion was 5 month. I thought it was 21 weeks. Sssiigghhh!

Well, it's done now, we'd better do with it . Like Gerry said, another Erika... But ... how's Erika gonna feel later on? How can you explain that the new baby lives with mom and not her? That's such a sensitive issue...

I really hope Kassie takes this well and doesn't do anything stupid to draw the attention onto her. Talk a lot to Kassandra, confide in her, don't let her feel excluded. It's so important for her to feel that she is important and she is loved and you are paying her attention.

I think Krystal will be fine, she's a survivor. And with you and Gerry around, both her kids will be ok as well. You're simply have to make up with the idea of being a really really young grandma, Star, sorry, LOL!

[Star]

Offer to pay to have Krystal sterilized.

we wouldn't have to pay for that here. it's canada. anyways, they wo't tie teenager's tubes. they won't even give her an IUD because she's so young still. We will pay for her birth control (the needle) after the baby is born.

no worries where kassandra is concerned. she's an awesome little auntie to erika and since krystal hasn't really lived with us since the age of 13, kassandra's had all of our attention. She gets spoiled rotten as she always has. she won't do what krystal did/does. she lectures krystal all the time! LOL!

how's Erika gonna feel later on? How can you explain that the new baby lives with mom and not her? That's such a sensitive issue...

I do have a plan for this in mind. no worries. Krystal sees erika on a daily basis. she's been doing this for months now. she comes in the mornings (usually, sometimes early afternoons) and stays until it's erika's bedtime then goes home. Erika is well aware that krystal is her mommy, in fact, today, krystal came over to pick something up (she's coming here in about an hour from now) and picked eriak up to give her hugs and kisses. when she handed erika back to me, erika started to cry and held her arms out to krystal. I absolutely LOVE seeing that happen! my plan is working.

If krytal does all of her programs and takes very good care of this next baby for a minimum of 2 to 3 years, then we will slowly bring erika into her home to live with her. it won't be done overnight by no means. it'll be a very slow process where she'll hardly even notice so she won't be affected.

As long as krystal stays in her life, erika will have no problem going to live with her mommy and her little sister or brother.

We'll deal with whatever comes up at that time.

[Stone]

what role will her b/f play?Have you talked with him?

[Star]

i talked to krystal most of the day today about setting herself up in that place and she agreed to do that. the boyfriend will get visitation and pay child support.

these 2 don't get along at all. they're always fighting about something and everything. as a matter of fact, the just broke up again (must be the 100th time now) so now krystal will go live with her big sister and her mom at thier house. i feel better if she lives there. her boyfriend is an immature little 12 year old in a 22 year old's body.

If she does what's in the plan, she'll be okay. she needs to learn how to live by herself with her baby.

[Merika]

I didn't realize he was 22....what an idiot! I hope he's proud of himself for bringing yet another child into the world that he doesn't intend to personally raise.

Take it as it comes day by day and we'll see where it all ends up. I wouldn't worry about being the 41 year old grandma....but I'd hate the prospect of having to raise a teenager in my late 50's. LOL!

[Duke]

How old is Krystal again? Isn't this considered statutory rape without parental consent?