Relationship Issues

[Star]

I was talking to my one brother today ( I have 3) about my other brother being seperated from his wife for the past 2 weeks and he said something to me that lit up the lightbulb in my head about relationship issues that me and my 2 brothers have always had in our lives.

he said that my parents had such a rocky marriage while we were growing up that it caused us to have issues with our relationships. i thought about that and you know, he's right. my dad was an alcoholic and my parents cheated on eachother all the time and i knew it. they seperated when i was 15 and i was thrilled aobut it. the fighting had stopped in the house, everybody was getting along. then they got back together and i cried. left home at 16. coulnd't take it anymore.

i've had so many relationships, i can't count them all. one after the other until i got together with my husband. i only got dumped once and he's the one who ended up regretting it in the end. i would break up with my boyfriends for no reason really. scared maybe? don't know but, i'd reach a certain point and have to say goodbuy and go forward to the next one.

my brother, who is now seperated, is an alcoholic. has 2 kids and a very successful wife. his drinking habits and wanting to be in a bar all the time resulted in his marriage to break down. she had enough of it, i can't blame her. i'm surprised she lasted that long!

the brother i was talking to also has alcohol issues although, not to the point of my other brother. his issues are that when he drinks with his buddies, he won't come home. sometimes for days. his wife has given him ultamatums and warned him that if he keeps that up, he'll have to leave. he doesn't do this too often though. twice or so a year.

alcohol was never an issue with me. for me, it was being afraid of being with the same person forever. didn't know if i can do that. i have some regrets but i think i did good in the end.

my youngest brother was brought up in an alcohol free home so none of this affected him. he is 17 years younger then i am.

could it be that people with relationship issues came from the home they were brought up in? from their parents? I'm beggining to think yes, it does come from there. knowing my parents cheated on eachother since i was a young girl didn't help with my insecurities i don't think. cheating is one thing i would never tolerate. something to think about huh?

[Luba]

Great post, Star, definitely something to think about. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction until someone realizes that and breaks the pattern. Unfortunately I didn't realize that until it hit me one day right between the eyes. I still remember that moment like it was yesterday...it's like knowing where you were exactly when JFK was killed and 911 happened...

The positive thing is I did finally face up to my dysfunction and talked to my boys and they know how much they are loved and cherished. I hope they always knew that even when I was in my dysfunctional zone!