Unhappy with my situation (long, sorry)

[Chan]

This is my first time posting in this forum and i'm not sure if this is the right topic for it but, I have been thinking about how to deal with this for some time, so I thought I would try here and maybe you folks would have some info for me!

I'm a female in my early 20's and lately I just feel like nothing makes me happy. After recently discussing it with my s/o I have decided that I need to go see a doctor because I feel like i'm losing my mind.

I have a great relationship and a very understanding s/o who has put up with whatever this is i'm going through for the last year. Even though he is amazing, i'm just not happy. I am picking a fight with him almost every day. I freak on him for something as simple as him not hearing what I said, and asking me to repeat it. Then there are days where I really enjoy our time together and couldn't be happier, but unfortunately those days are few and far in between.

In the last 3 years I have been through about 15-20 jobs, I just can't keep myself going back, no matter how much I enjoy what i'm doing. I have quit speaking to friends, except for one who lives 5 hours away so I don't mind because I don't actually have to go out and hang out with her. When I used to be really social, and enjoy going out with friends, these days it seems like a chore.

I just can't figure out what is wrong with me, I never used to be like this, I had more friends then I knew what to do with, I used to be extremely happy with my boyfriend. I've never been overly patient, but these days I just fly off the handle over nothing.

The thought of going out in public makes me sick to my stomach, I don't want to run in to anyone I know because I know they will tell me to give them a call sometime, and I know that I won't and I don't want them to be mad at me.

I have been in kind of a rut, where we lived before I was unable to work because we were so far out of town and I don't have a car, so I kind of got used to being home. But i've never felt this bad. My s/o and I have been talking and thought maybe it would be a good idea for me to get a hobby, or volunteer or do something that would make me feel like I was accomplishing something. Because at my age I should have goals, I have none and it doesn't bother me, even though I know it should.

I'm sorry if this is long and kind of all over the place, but i'd like someone elses take on this.

Thank you!

[Duke]

First off let me welcome you to Lifesupporters.com Chan, nice to have you with us. We're here to support you in any way you require with understanding first and input as requested.

Just out of curiosity, have you been diagnosed with depression? I too went through a similar cycle when my s/o left me and took our child, I felt directionless, helpless, worthless, you name it. At that time I was diagnosed with clinical depression and even though the meds didn't help me it did help add some clarity to why I was feeling the way I was.

[Chan]

I haven't been diagnosed with anything. About 10 years ago I was put on anti depressants, but my family doctor put my entire family on them, so we kind of had a feeling she was sponsored by zoloft! haha.

I really want to go talk to a doctor, but I don't know how to bring it up since I don't have a family doctor and I guess I have been trying to just fix it myself, but I have been defeated, as I often feel these days.

I am just tired of going from furious to sad, there really isn't much of an in between lately. When I go through these "mood swings" its almost like I black out. I can only remember bits and pieces of things that I have said or, that has taken place, I don't know if it is because my emotion level is so high when I get like that or what, but it really has started to worry me.

[Duke]

Originally Posted by Chan

I haven't been diagnosed with anything. About 10 years ago I was put on anti depressants, but my family doctor put my entire family on them, so we kind of had a feeling she was sponsored by zoloft! haha.

I really want to go talk to a doctor, but I don't know how to bring it up since I don't have a family doctor and I guess I have been trying to just fix it myself, but I have been defeated, as I often feel these days.

I am just tired of going from furious to sad, there really isn't much of an in between lately. When I go through these "mood swings" its almost like I black out. I can only remember bits and pieces of things that I have said or, that has taken place, I don't know if it is because my emotion level is so high when I get like that or what, but it really has started to worry me.

I think the only thing you can do is go see a doctor at this point. If you don't have a family doctor I'd suggest finding a few local clinics and getting a few opinions on the matter.

To me it almost sounds like you may have some type of chemical imbalance which may even run in your family (hence the reason your entire family was medicated at one point). When I was on anti-depressants I didn't like them because they gave me a hungover feeling the next day but they did help even me out for the short time I was experiencing extremes in highs and lows.

What helped me most however was the knowledge that I did have an issue with depression. It made me look at things in my life a bit different and adjust it so I could drop the meds by changing certain aspects of my lifestyle; it's actually part of the reason I started this place in fact.

[Meanon]

Hi Chan These are symptoms of depression, please see your Doctor. The fact that you were happy before and have a good relationship are good signs for a quick recovery. Therapy and medication are equally effective. It's better to act sooner rather than later, as these things can sometimes get worse before they get better.

[Andrea]

Originally Posted by Chan

I haven't been diagnosed with anything. About 10 years ago I was put on anti depressants, but my family doctor put my entire family on them, so we kind of had a feeling she was sponsored by zoloft! haha.

I really want to go talk to a doctor, but I don't know how to bring it up since I don't have a family doctor and I guess I have been trying to just fix it myself, but I have been defeated, as I often feel these days.

I am just tired of going from furious to sad, there really isn't much of an in between lately. When I go through these "mood swings" its almost like I black out. I can only remember bits and pieces of things that I have said or, that has taken place, I don't know if it is because my emotion level is so high when I get like that or what, but it really has started to worry me.

Chan,

Have you got a past that was filled with adversity or hardship?

no one can offer you an exact answer to the problem as the problem probably isnt so simple that it could be explained in one post.

I would like to tell you a little story about myself.

I would get irritated with people for no apparent reason, i couldn't understand why. I tried Yoga, it helped a little. When we grow up people never tell us how important it is to manage our emotions and what emotions are good and what are not good and need to be resolved.

I had a very rough childhood and even though i had moved on in life, there were emotions that were still locked deep within me.

Here is a quote:

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

You need to find the root of your emotional turmoil. I can stand whiteness that emotional turmoil should be resolved not accepted. I personally dont believe in anti depressants. I used to be depressed and got out of it with sheer will and understanding.