Authorities finally doing something!

Star · 10-28-2004, 05:52 PM

As some of you know, my 16 year old daughter is 8 months pregnant and missing. As you can imagine, we're all worried sick about her and the baby she's carrying.

I got a phone call today from a police officer who just today got a call to say she's missing!!! I was under the impression that someone (either her parole officer of CAS worker) had already done that when she first disapeared about a month ago. I guess someone wasn't doing their job again!

Anyhow, the Police are now actively looking for her as of today. She told me that their main concern is for the baby she's carrying and they need to apprehend her before she gives birth. They're worried that she won't go to a hospital and they'll find a baby left someplace unsafe (you get the idea). so they have posted a canada wide warrant for her apprehension. she will immediately go to a psychiatric facility so she can be assessed (and this does not have to be with her permission finally!!) and remain there under lock and key until the baby is born.

At first I was angry because i'm thinking what are they thinking? she justmight kill herself being in a place like that! but after it sunk in, i realized that is the best and safest place for her right now so the baby can be cared for until she gives birth. They also assured me that they will call me with everything they do and know and I will be called when it's time for her to give birth.

I've been crying every night out of worry for my beautiful daughter and my unborn grand-child. I would much rather she come home but it isn't a very good idea at this time, because of the baby. she might run again after a few days to see that low life and then we'll be back at square one.
That wouldn't be a good thing at all. especially for the baby.

I am so frstrated where these youth laws are concerned. everyone's hands are tied! nobody, not even the law has any control over these kids. it's sickening! I begged the police to arrest that low life because he's so much older (he's a 23 year old man for crying out loud! been with my daughter since she was 14!) but there isn't anything they can do. she sympathized with me and agreed with all my frustrations but it ends there.

I have no choice but to sit here and hope she makes it through this tough time of hers alive. I feel so helpless! Isn't it sad when we, as parents, can't even help our troubled kids because the law won't allow it? I have no rights and my daughter has all the rights. What has this world come to?

I appologize for this post being so long. Thanks for listening.

Duke · 10-28-2004, 10:30 PM

I'm really sorry to hear how it's hurt you star but I think whats finally happening is for the best.

I would keep in close contact with the authorities and the physicians as well. I wonder what will become of the child when it's born and if mom has any control over her unborn childs future. Something tells me that if she's found unfit she can lose control over her own child, you may want to keep a close eye on the situation.

Please keep us posted, I know that I'm deeply concerned and am sure that others here mirror my thoughts.

Sincerely,

ken

Star · 10-29-2004, 10:43 AM

The baby will be going up for adoption. We all made that decision already. I've asked that they look into an open adoption so that we can be in the baby's life. The baby will be safe, loved and well cared for. Our daughter is in no way responsible enough to take care of this baby, she can't even take good care of herself.

I know this is the best place for her right now. she'll be safe, get the help she needs and be taken care of medically. I will at least be able to see her. I hope they find her very soon so she can be in a safe place and away from that controlling 23 year old low life and maybe see the light.

I will post any new progress. thank you so much for listening and allowing me to vent a little.

Merika · 10-29-2004, 10:59 AM

You can post as long and as often as you like. Sometimes it just feels good to get it off of your chest. I actually used a forum as a diary once just to get through something!

I agree that there really isn't any other option at this point but to at least have her, and the baby she is carrying, put somewhere safe. If she comes home she is liable to just run away again. It's also the only way to assure she is getting the prenatal care she needs.....especially being so young.

My heart sure goes out to you. I can almost feel what you are going through in my heart because I've been so close to it myself. If only kids would realize how much we love them and only want to protect them. I have no idea why some kids just get out there and run on some wierd a$$ed tangent!

You are right about the authorities. They can only do so much. They SHOULD have addressed your concerns though when this guy was first in the picture. If I were you I would STILL have his butt arrested! If that doesn't work.....hunt him down like the DOG he is and beat the crap out of him yourself!

I know your daughter is going with the idea of giving the baby up for adoption. You never know how that will work out until the time comes. She may feel very differently after she holds the baby in her arms the first time. I would have a Plan B!

Again....what a mess you have there! I guess it's a situation families get through.....but you sure have a bumpy ride ahead.

One of the most aggravating parts is looking at other people who seem to have 'normal' kids ....when yours is so tough to handle! LOL!

Star · 10-29-2004, 12:39 PM

as far as that "diddler as I refer to him" is concerned, there really is nothing we can do to have him arrested. He's not breaking any laws being with our daughter. Believe me, the thought has crossed our minds (especially hubby's) to put hijm into intensive care but then we'd be in jail so why do that. we have a nother daughter to be around for.

There can't be a plan B unless I choose to raise the baby and I'm not doing that. CAS will remove the baby from her immediately after the baby's born and get the ball rolling. If she chose to keep this child, CAS would be totally involved and she'd have to start with visitations but I can't see that. Krystal really does not want this child and she doesn't want to be a mother. She's punched her belly with both hands full force many times because the baby is kicking. That breaks my heart.

She can be charged with murder if the baby is stillborn and it can be proven that it was because of her actions or if she gives birth somewhere and dumps the baby and leaves it there to die. This is very serious and I have pointed that out to her on several occasions. she is aware of that but she doesn't care.

Posting is really helpful for me and I guess I kind of do use it as a diary also. I do feel much better after I post and talk about it. Thank you for understanding and allowing me to do it.

You know, when I see teenage girls about my daughter's age anywhere with their friends or parents, I so wish that mine were like that too, normal behaved. I wish she was in school, going on dates with normal boys her age, going to the movies and shopping with her good friends, waking up at home, going to sleep at home, doing homework, etc... I so long for my daughter to be that way. I miss her sooooooo much it's killing me inside. I wish I can hug all her troubles away. I want my baby girl back where she belongs.

Merika · 10-29-2004, 01:36 PM

I'm surprised you can't have him arrested. He had/has sex with a MINOR! I thought that was a very big deal. I know in Florida he would be arrested. Her being pregnant is proof enough.

About her not wanting the baby.....I didn't want my son either....until he was BORN! I knew the marriage was bad and I just didn't want another child to raise. If I had believed in abortion....I would've gotten one!

Since I had cervical cancer they took him a little early. He was the ugliest baby I had ever seen....but from the moment I first saw him....I loved him with an uncomparable love. To this day....I still look at him and remember how I felt the first time I held him. (BTW: He's not ugly anymore....he grew out of it by the time he was two. Till then though....GAWD!)

So, she may very well change her mind. They can't force her to give the baby up. Are there any church groups there who support unwed mother's group homes?

If I had lots of money.....that's what I would do. Build one of those and fund them. It's another option for a young girl.

Star · 10-29-2004, 01:49 PM

the way it works here is if the mother is unfit (as she has proven over and over again since sh'es been pregnant) then CAS jumps in and places the child into foster care. If the mother can't prove herself to be fit and really working hard at trying to be a good mother (means getting the help she needs, the courses and so on) then they will ask family members if any of us want to raise the child. if not, then they will place the baby up for adoption. The bottom line is that she has to want to be a mother and she doesn't. remember, she's only 16 and a very young 16 year old to boot so... CAS is working with me and presently looking for a family for an open adoption.

the laws here for kids are retarded. they've changed the young offenders act to the point where parents and poeple in authority can't do anything without the child's consent. It used to be statutory rape when i was that age but now, a girl can have consentual sex with any man of any age starting at age 14. She can be sleeping with a 50 year old guy and there would be nothing we can do about it! sick isn't it?!? It's no wonder people take the law into their own hands. If we didn't have another daughter to be around for, bet this guy would be dead or extremely maimed for life. Hubby would of made sure of that! but, we have to be here for Kassandra so he gets to breathe! lucky for him.

the youth laws around here are a total joke. you wouldn't believe what i've had to come up against since she started this running away crap at age 13. it's extremely frustrating for a parent and for the police. it's no wonder there are so many kids like Krystal out there in today's world. They have ALL the rights and they know it and use it.

If they don't catch her within the next couple of days, i'll be making the trip up there (only 1 1/2 hours away from where i live) and finding her myself. I'll find her in a day and bring her in. it's for her own good and for the good of the baby. she frequents the building we used to manage. there's a tenant in there with a thick head that keeps taking her in. i'll knock on that door all day long, she'll be there at some point.

Merika · 10-29-2004, 03:42 PM

First of all....that is one of the most absolute DUMBEST laws I have ever heard! I would be thinking about starting a petition with other parents and changing that law in a skinny minute! It's totally not acceptable. Some of the states in the US do have laws permitting a girl to legally have consentual sex at 13....but not with someone who is considered an adult.

Second of all...I too get pissed off when the state wants to tell you how to raise your own children. Then when the kid gets in trouble....they are nowhere around to be found to help. At 16, a parent should still have the right to set curfew. However, kids know if they don't want to come home at that time....there isn't a damn thing you can do about it as a parent.

I didn't know they could find someone to be an unfit parent until they actually had the baby. At least in that area CAS is providing help for you.

Star · 10-29-2004, 05:38 PM

the law is a joke. I have thought about going on a "crusade" to try and change this stupid law and I did try to start at one point. I wrote to my MP and the answer I got was even more of a joke. I tried to get the newspapers all over in the southern ontario area to write my story and they wouldn't touch it in fear of getting sued by somebody so I gave up. I really don't have the energy for that right now to start this myself (be the first one), really i don't. If someone were to aproach me and ask me to help them, then I would in a split second. You know, I even went as far as to write a letter to Sally (when her show was still on), Montel and the Walsh show. I got no reply. Probably cause i'm canadian.

We are held responsible for everything our child does that's unlawful and wrong yet we have no rights to control. make any sence? NOT! It's all a complete joke!

I think the people who changed the law that a girl at 14 can consent to sex with any man any age had to have been a diddler himself. it's totally retarded! My friends have learned a lot about the laws and how they work here with my experience! everyone's shocked at what this world has become with regard to our children.

Merika · 10-29-2004, 07:46 PM

Well.....that's just FRUSTRATING! The problem is that no one knows the specifics of laws written and passed until something happens to them individually and they find out they no longer have the rights they thought they did. Same thing happens here!

We had a law passed some time ago that with each named hurricane....you have to pay another deductible. It would be rare for it to happen so people didn't pay much attention to it. THEN...this year happened! There were 3 hurricanes through Orlando (Disney World area). Now, instead of someone having to meet a $5000 deductible or whatever they have....they have to meet $15,000. It's INCREDIBLE.

BTW: Stoneheather got badly hit and had to camp out for quite awhile.

Back to your situation though....I guess all you can do is hope the system works for your daughter. She can't be happy being away from home when she's GOT to be scared of giving birth and all. I hope you or someone finds her soon and gets her the help she and the baby need!

That law thing is still bugging me. People think they are being all liberal giving kids rights....when all they are doing is making victims out of our children. It just makes me mad!

Star · 10-29-2004, 08:12 PM

it gets me extremely mad also and you know that you are right about them turning our kids into victims. i can bet my life that my daughter will feel like a victim when she's all grown up and thinks about all this. sickening!

I can't believe they've made up a stupid law like that hurricane one! that's crazy! i can just imagine how many people were left out on the streets because of that. unbelievable! that's disgusting for a government to do to their own people. same stuff happens here though. they eat their caviar lunches and have their fancy expensive trips while we struggle. but that's another issue for another topic. can't get me started on that one either! LOL!

Merika · 10-29-2004, 09:11 PM

I was telling someone the other day that I've lived thru a handful of President representing each party....and it has NEVER changed my finances or lifestyle either way. I'm still on the same old cheap butted budget I've always been on! LOL~

Duke · 10-31-2004, 03:02 AM

How the hell can they legally force you to carry insurance for named disasters, wtf?

I can see it now, pay 5 grand for Hurrican Charley, only to be devistated by his sister, Hurrican Catherine, what a fricken joke.

You know, eventually they'll find a way to charge us for the air we breath.

Star · 10-31-2004, 09:49 PM

They found my daughter last night! I found out this afternoon at around 5:00 pm. She's in the hospital safe and sound with a badly spraned ankle. Her due date has been moved up to the 15th of the month now. If she hasn't started labor on her own by then, she will be induced on the 15th.

They found her in an apartment at the building I used to manage on the 2nd floor. she jumped off the 2nd floor balcony to try and outrun the police. that's how she spraned her ankle. thank God the baby wasn't hurt! They've done an ultrasound and the baby is perfectly healthy, strong heartbeat, just perfect.

She is going to be assessed by a psychiatrist for the next 3 days and he