Help me please, I am hurt and scared

[Sonya3]

I am a victim of rape. I have recently turned 18. I was raped 5 days ago by a 21 year old close friend of mine and his brother. I trusted him alot because he was always very good and kind to me. I did go and hang with him, who I hung out with a lot. Yes it was at his house. But he was just a friend and we had movie night and things like that before. He kissed me, and I told him I was flattered, but I didnt feel the same way, but he kept kissing me and I did push him off, and did fight back. But when someone is a lot stronger than you are, i just couldnt do anything. I fought with everything, and even screaming NO, lashing out at him, he held me down, and I couldnt move. When his brother came in and stood in front of me, he unzipped and told me to open my mouth. I screamed and tried to move but I couldnt, and I didnt obey. He left the room but quickly returned with a big knife in his hand and told me that he will kill me if I didnt do what he says. I was almost unconcious by that time. I was so scared that he would kill me, I didnt have no choice...


It was a most scariest and most horrifying thing Ive ever gone through. I cant keep my mind off of it. I can hardly sleep. I cant get over the pain. I'm so scared to talk to anyone, even my mum or police about it cause they threatened that they will kill me if I told anybody. I cant go through a night without having a nightmare, and being scared, and crying. please help me, I dont know what to do

[Meanon]

Sonya I'm so sorry to read your post, you have suffered so much. Talking doesn't make the pain go away, but it helps - nothing is as bad as suffering alone.

These men are evil, but they are very unlikely to be killers. It's more likely that they want you to believe they would kill so that so they don't get caught. They certainly won't want to go down for murder, which they would if they did anything after you told.

You've been so brave posting here. Please tell your Mum. She wouldn't do anything to put you at risk. You need your family's help, Sonia.

Are you in the UK? If so please call a rape crisis helpline as soon as possible: Find a rape crisis centre near you You can talk anonymously. The staff are trained to help women in your situation. Please keep posting, we will help you however we can.

[Vautrin]

I am so sorry to hear this happened to you Sonya3.

It is hard dealing with something as traumatic as this. First priority are you yourself. Dealing with the scumbag needs to come second.

Such a traumatic experience will of course be on your mind. Not only were you forced to do something you did not want to do, but it was also a huge betrayal of trust, coupled with threats to your life. By no means this is an easy thing to deal with.

I really suggest you talk to someone. Not necessarily your mom or the police (just yet), but a therapist or someone you really trust; or somewhere you can tell your story anonymously; with trust being a big issue, I can well imagine that you are reluctant to do so, despiteknowing you need to do so. You say you are 18, so perhaps your school environment provides someone you can talk to as well.

[TKDLady]

You need to go to the authorities. They threatened you. That is probably all it is. Their only hope is for you to believe them. Don't believe them, go get help. If you don't feel good about going to the authorities then tell your parents. They will help you. You need treatment and they need to be in jail so they can't do this to anyone else.

[Meanon]

I should add: the rape crisis staff do not encourage people to tell the police straight away, if at all. They do give advice on preserving evidence in case of prosecution, but their focus is very much on supporting the woman through coming to terms with the ordeal.

You may continue to feel too scared to tell anyone for a while yet, but posting here so soon after the rape is a very good sign, Sonya. It shows you are brave enough to reach out despite the fear and the pain. That bodes well for your eventual recovery. You're going to be OK Sonya. Not now or tomorrow but one day you will feel safe again.

[Duke]

I'm very very sorry to hear of this Sonya3.

There has been some great advice given already but to ad I'd suggest you see a doctor as well either a family physician, or drop in clinic/emergency if you don't want family to know right away.

I can understand your uncertainty as you've just been through a very traumatic event. I do agree quite strongly with Meanons advice in that you need to keep communicating because it helps not only for you to face the event but to gain insight and understanding in methods to proceed that feel comfortable to you.

Whatever happens Sonya just know this, you have found a place online that is truly concerned for your well-being and we'll ALWAYS be here for you.

[Meanon]

If there is a chance you are pregnant then an emergency IUD is effective in preventing pregnancy if fitted within 5 days. I wasn't sure whether to mention this as you said it happened 5 days ago, but I've done so in case it was just less than 5 days.

[Luba]

I'm very sorry that this terrible thing happened to you, Sonya3. I also think getting in touch with a Rape Crisis Centre is the best advice; they will tell you what to do and help you.

I'm glad you posted here as well. We will be here for you, too.

[CaliChick]

Hi-

I am new to this community. I had a similar experience on my 18th birthday I was raped by someone I had known for years. Someone who knew my family members and whose family knew me as well. I did not report the rape to the police even though he did cum inside of me, because I was ashamed. I was a virgin until that night. Go get counseling

[Duke]

Originally Posted by CaliChick

Hi-

I am new to this community. I had a similar experience on my 18th birthday I was raped by someone I had known for years. Someone who knew my family members and whose family knew me as well. I did not report the rape to the police even though he did cum inside of me, because I was ashamed. I was a virgin until that night. Go get counseling

I'm very sorry to hear of this Cali, unbelievable.

If you don't mind my asking, have you ever considered reporting the offender to the police maybe at a later date? I really don't think there's a statute of limitations on reporting rape these days.

[sam]

Cali chick welcome to life supporters. I am sorry about what happened. Is there someone in your family or a friend who you can trust enough to tell about what has happened to you?
It is hard to face this kind of situation alone. If you decide to file a complain about the s.o.b. who did this you, it will surely help if there is a friend or a family member by your side to support you.

[CaliChick]

I told some people about what happened i.e. my girlfriend and one close friend who was also raped when she was a virgin. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone else, because when I think about it, I feel dirty.

[Duke]

Originally Posted by CaliChick

I told some people about what happened i.e. my girlfriend and one close friend who was also raped when she was a virgin. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone else, because when I think about it, I feel dirty.

It's not your fault Cali so there's no need to feel dirty. I can tell you that I don't think any less of you for being raped, quite the opposite really because you've opened up here about it so I actually admire you for it.

I think a lot of things in life boil down to perception and support of said perception. Yes you were raped and I'm truly very sorry for that but it does not make you any less of a person.

Always remember, you are #1 Cali.

[Luba]

Cali, I agree with Duke. Also remember that's how unreported rapes helps rapists to just carry on. Just remember he's won if you don't report it, and there may be someone else that will suffer if he's not stopped. There is no need to feel dirty, you are the victim.

[Meanon]

Hi Cali Your advice to sonya was to get counselling. I guess you can see that for her, talking about it would help. If you've not already done so, it may be worth taking your own advice if the feeling you desribe bothers you often. The feelings are worse when you talk about them, but then you can work through them and resolve them. By avoiding them, they sometimes persist and remain as fresh and upsetting as the day it happened.

At some point in your recovery you may feel able to tell the police, but I do not feel that this is your responsibility. If you don't feel able to, it is due to the effects of the rape and you are not to blame for this. Of course it would be better if you could, but not at any cost to yourself. Any ongoing harm that this man may do to others as a result of your action or inaction, again is not your responsibility.

This man had control of your life for a brief period of time, though the effects were profound. He can not take or win from you anything that you choose not to give him. Please choose not to live your life in shame for something that was not your fault.

[CONFUSED]

I literaly feel your pain; been there my friend. Please go to counciling!