Thoughts on Spanking - Pro and Con

[Luba]

I don't know if we've done this subject yet, so I thought I would ask how you all feel about spanking.

(1) Have you ever spanked your child?
(2) When babysitting, have you ever spanked a child?
(3) Do you agree that a teacher can spank a child for misbehaving? Or paddling?
(4) What methods would you use instead of spanking?
(5) Do you think a child will have problems when they grow up if he/she was spanked?
(6) Do you consider it abuse?
(7) Have you ever been spanked? If yes, how did it make you feel?

[TKDLady]

1. Yes

2. Yes

3. I think the parent should be told it is coming if the kid doesn't start behaving but I think teachers need to have the ability to discipline to keep their class in control. That doesn't necessarily have to include spanking but right now they have no options except to send the kid to the principle's office. Kids know the teacher can't do anything and some will abuse that knowledge.

4. For older kids, deny them the fun stuff, ground them, make them do extra chores, make them take responsibility for their actions.

5. Only if it is abusive. I think if a parent gives fair warning that certain behaviors will not be tolerated and that is the punishment then no, I don't think it will cause major issues. A swat on the butt with an explanation I think is fine. Beating the tar out of them is wrong.

6. Only if it is excessive and without warrant, done in anger.

7. Yes and it hurt and made me realize I had over stepped what my parents allowed. I was always aware of what would cause me to get spanked so if I did those things then I couldn't complain.

I certainly had much more respect for my parents than kids do today.

[PepsiChic]

(1) i dont have kids - but if i did i dont think id spank them
(2) no its illegal - you could end up in jail
(3) no - but i think they need to be given more power to deal with children that misbehave
(4) talking - someone i used to work with has some great ways of dealing with his 3 children if they misbehave, he gets down to their level and tells them what they have done wrong and what their punishment will be - cleaning, not watching their fav tv program etc. i remember once in the shop his two boys were mis behaving and he talked to them and they both said sorry and understood that they wouldnt be allowed pudding after dinner.
(5) yes - speaking from personal experience
(6) yes - young children cannot defend themselves. the people they love and trust to look after them is hurting them
(7) yes - it hurt and i stopped trusting my parents. if they got close to me i flinched. sometimes my older sister would do something and id get punished for it because they were angry that something bad had been done they wouldnt listen when id try and tell them it wasnt me.

as i got older things got worse, i had huge fights with my parents, mainly my mum. had my head smashed off a wall, pushed down the stairs. never any major incidents. but enough to make me move out when i was 15. after i lived away from home for 3 or 4years, without their help or anything, they havent touched me. they've shouted and screamed but i just tell them where to go.

i guess i dont fear their punishment anymore because i had their punishments uptill i was 15 and then my ex just carried it on and worse. so when i moved back home their punishments dont seem that harsh anymore. and i think they know that so they havent tried anything.

dont get me wrong when i say all this. i love my parents. they were good in bringing me and my siblings up. but for some reason i always got the brunt of their anger, especially when they went through a rough patch. id say it has affected who i am now and what i do.

but in the end i dont think they meant to cause me real harm, whereas my ex did. that for me is enough to excuse them of their actions.

but for these reasons i dont ever want to raise my hand to a child. but i dont think bad of anyone who does, i just hope it isnt as rough as i had.

[Luba]

as I got older things got worse, I had huge fights with my parents, mainly my mum. had my head smashed off a wall, pushed down the stairs. never any major incidents.

I'm sorry, PC, but those ARE major incidents. How could that happen to someone as precious as you...it just BREAKS my heart and I've got tears in my eyes just reading and typing this. That is abuse. I KNOW you love your parents, but have they ever admitted to that abuse, or asked your forgiveness? I would be down on my knees begging your forgiveness if I EVER experienced that kind of parental rage!

[PepsiChic]

Originally Posted by Luba

I'm sorry, PC, but those ARE major incidents. How could that happen to someone as precious as you...it just BREAKS my heart and I've got tears in my eyes just reading and typing this. That is abuse. I KNOW you love your parents, but have they ever admitted to that abuse, or asked your forgiveness? I would be down on my knees begging your forgiveness if I EVER experienced that kind of parental rage!

no i think in their hearts they know they did wrong, we never speak of it, its just one of those things that happen and its over now. I think it was mainly because they were having a really rough time with each other and they took it out on me because i was there whereas my brother and sister being older would be round a friends house or something. i understand that doesnt make it "right" but i do know they are sorry for they have done and i know they know right from wrong. My parents made a mistake at my expense but they are still married not separated like they nearly did in those rough times.

mainly it has taught me a lot, i do love my parents, but i will never make the same mistakes they did because i know full well what damage can be done and what the end result is.

[Luba]

But wouldn't speaking of it help you heal? I'm sorry, but it feels to me like it's swept under the rug and you aren't being validated for the special, wonderful person that you are! IMHO a parent should admit their wrongdoing...none of us parents are perfect and we shouldn't pretend that we are. I thought I was a good parent, but I've also had to delve within, admit my many mistakes to myself, and then have the courage to talk it out with my Sons. I think it helps to do that because, only then, could true healing occur.

[Star]

(1) Have you ever spanked your child?

Yes I have spanked my children.

(2) When babysitting, have you ever spanked a child?

Never did i spank someone else's child.

(3) Do you agree that a teacher can spank a child for misbehaving? Or paddling?

No I don't. that part of discipline, I believe should be left to the parent to handle. I don't think anyone but the parents should spank thier children. Teachers need to do other things then corporate punishment to give consequences to their students.

(4) What methods would you use instead of spanking?

I've used time outs, taking things away from them that they play with or enjoy and grounding.

(5) Do you think a child will have problems when they grow up if he/she was spanked?

No i don't. I was more then spanked as a child. my parents used things like belts and spoons to spank us and we all turned out ok.

(6) Do you consider it abuse?

I don't if there is no instruments used such as belts, wooden spoons or slaps on bare skin.

(7) Have you ever been spanked? If yes, how did it make you feel?

Yes I have and it made me behave and not want to get another one! Kids today are so out of control it isn't even funny. they're disrespectful to anyone in authority and know they can get away with everything. back then, parents had control. today they don't.

I've never spanked Erika, my granddaughter who i am raising. she is not my child therefore wouldn't spank her. I will never spank her either.

[Fayebelle]

(1) Have you ever spanked your child?

Yes- I believe in spanking if Squish is doing something that will harm himself or another. I'd rather slap his hand and let him associate THAT pain with reaching for a fire than let him associate a burn with it. Children are curious and often telling them NO will only make them want to do it more- especially at a young age when they can't really reason yet.


(2) When babysitting, have you ever spanked a child?


No- I have never babysat a child that would require a spanking. Discipline should be done by parents so that a caregiver should never be in that position. If something does arise- it should be passed along to the parents. If a child continued to misbehave on this level- I would not watch the child anymore.


(3) Do you agree that a teacher can spank a child for misbehaving? Or paddling?


I do not trust just "any old person" with the care of my child. My family knows what I consider a spankable offense and they are all entitled to dole the appropriate punishment.

Now school will be a different story- I HOPE that I will have a better behaved child by that time so this is never a problem.

If my child WERE acting in an abusive manner than I wish I could say I would allow them to be spanked. We just don't live in that world anymore. I would far prefer the school to call me immediately so I can handle the punishmet. School administrators deal with a wide range of problems and I can't say I trust them enough to associate MY rules with MY child. I know that's a huge part of the problem b/c other parents let their kids get away with anything. Unfortunately- I'd end up spanking the first teacher that smacked my child for any non-violent offense.


(4) What methods would you use instead of spanking?

Distraction, Time Out, Loss of Toys, but most often I use Time In. Squish is pretty young so behavior problems are usually due to sleepiness, hunger, or extra curiosity. Usually a bit more FOCUSED attention will stop bad behavior.

(5) Do you think a child will have problems when they grow up if he/she was spanked?

There is a difference between spanking and abuse. Spanking- not so much. Abuse- absolutely.

(6) Do you consider it abuse?

See above.

(7) Have you ever been spanked? If yes, how did it make you feel?

Yes. Made me feel like I better not do whatever I did wrong ever again. That would be the point IMHO

[Scott]

You're a Great Mom Fayebe.


I'm pretty much in agreement with what you've said. Since I have two boys and one daughter, I've noticed there does seem to be a prejudice on my part to become much less physical with my daughter. Whether this reluctance is a product of her behaviour (she bursts into tears if I raise my voice), or Rule NUMBER ONE (NEVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HIT A GIRL), I'm not sure.


Could it be I'm being manipulated by a 5 year old female.....


Say it ain't so!!

[Fayebelle]

I try Scott.




Well another thing to consider- a daughter learns a great deal about how a male should treat her through her father- I think it is quite OK for you to hesitate on physical punishment if for that reason alone. Aside from moments that need IMMEDIATE action (again with the hot surface example) - I see nothing wrong waiting for your wife to handle those punishments (especially as your daughter is at an age where she can recognize the punishment fitting an incident that happened a bit ago in the day)