So Many Bullying and Beating Stories

[Luba]

in the Media? Why do you think there is SO much anger in our teenagers? What do you think we can do as parents/adults to help these angry teens?

[Vautrin]

It is a complicated issue.

From a political perspective, whatever youth do outdoors, is "troublesome" - unless it is a paid / sponsored activity. Football (or whatever sport in a sport club) is okay, but just hanging around is "threatening".

A football game is a once-weekly affair, and often outside of that, they will not have access to any field they can play "just for fun". So unless you are a nerd you are basically a troubled child.

In the Netherlands hundreds of millions of Euros are spent on meetings on what to do for these children - yet participation of these children / youth is practically non-existent. Simply because it is a lot of talk, and practically no concrete results. A large portion of "youth" budget is wasted in this way, without tangible results.

Thank you politicians.

Another issue is probably the changing role patterns and economic patterns. 40 years ago it was affordable to live on just 1 income, but you need 2 incomes these days. That means a lot less time for the children.

Which leads to:
1) More divorces as women are economically less dependent on men. I am not opposed to divorces, but you will often see that children end up neglected as "Mom" and "Dad" (and I use the term loosely) fight an all out-war in order to get the best deal out of the divorce. Also divorces are rampant because we promote consumerist attitudes to the extreme (why be married to an obsolete model if you can have a young chick?). Note: I am not blaming divorces I am blaming the idiots who cannot divorce properly.
2) guilt-gifting.
3) inconsistent affection / punishment routines. Noone is going to convince me that when mom and dad are worn out by their 10-12 hour day that they will never be inconsistent / unreasonable when punishing.
4) a changing perception of the parent by the child itself. Consumerist attitudes again.
5) possibly lack of bonding (care center hopping, nannies, and what not) with the parents.

Just a few ...

[Luba]

Very thought-provoking responses, Vautrin! Sad situations and, in the meanwhile, more and more children are getting hurt in the process....What will happen to their lives when they grow up? Will they carry on as their parents did...or find a way to make things better?

[Vautrin]

Originally Posted by Luba

Very thought-provoking responses, Vautrin! Sad situations and, in the meanwhile, more and more children are getting hurt in the process....What will happen to their lives when they grow up? Will they carry on as their parents did...or find a way to make things better?

I am not an optimist in that sense. Children mimic their parents in more ways than they like. Puberty is just denial of what will be (more or less the same as their parents).

[Luba]

Originally Posted by Vautrin

I am not an optimist in that sense. Children mimic their parents in more ways than they like. Puberty is just denial of what will be (more or less the same as their parents).

I tend to agree, Vautrin. Angry, stressed out parents = angry, stressed-out children, IMHO!

[Scott]

Originally Posted by Luba

I tend to agree, Vautrin. Angry, stressed out parents = angry, stressed-out children, IMHO!

HMMMmmmmm....well, I think Luba is correct, in many cases. But even within the micro-society of my own family, in which parents have been angry and stressed, there is a wide spectrum of behavioural outcomes in the children.

In other words, we WISH that Nurture, not Nature, had a greater influance on childrens behaviour because it is something we feel we can control.

But, again in my microsociety, I've found that the child that received the MOST attention and parental support also has the MOST numerous and serious behavioural issues?

Are we simply paying too much attention to children? Should society simply say: "Parents, we care not if you need a dual income: YOU decided to procreate, and now YOU will raise YOUR children the way YOU see fit?"

Frankly, The Majority of the problems I have with my son have been either caused or exaberrated by Social Services, where he is well aware his issues will be dealt with sympathetically. This awareness NEVER ocurred to me at his age, or, really at any age until now, when I've begun to realize; A. I have no choice, and B. They will Pay For The Service.