i need help

[in]

okay sorry it may be long but i have alot that im going through and im not quite sure how to deal with everything.

first off im only 17 i was kicked out of my house by my only parent (mom)when i was 16 because i stopped giving her all my pay checks (she wasent working and i had a 5.50 an hour job). So that was a major part of my life and it has just gotten worse. I became very depressed and didnt want to talk to anyone about it, my friend told me about youth on their own program and they were very much helpfull and i dont know what i would of done without them but thats besides the point.

I currently reside with my sister whose 23 and her husband and 3 year old nephew. I love them all and i dont know what i would of done with out them.

So every day seems like a new struggle, i cant seem to get away from all the drama my life possesses.

after my mom kicked me out she came to live with us because my sister couldnt stand to see her on the street because she got kicked out of her apartment. that went on for about 2 months and i came to honestly dislike my mom for all what she did to me. I stoped respecting her and didnt want to be around her whatsoever.

she moved got a job and an apartment and kept telling me to move back in with her (it was only a 1 bedroom aprtment in like crack vill). So i declined becuase it was best for me. I went through the school year and got a 4.0 because i want to do better for myself and get scholorships and everything so i dont become my mom.

she lost her job and stays at one of my sisters friends house. Well my sisters friends mom is going to kick My mom out becuase she isnt really looking for a job, and leaves all the time (prolly to go do drugs) so she calls today and is like i need all my stuff (i have her digital camera) and i ask her why and she says because she is going to move out of state and when i ask where shes going she tells me it doesnt matter and all this and that. So i hang up on her becuase shes being rediculas and now i just am wondering what i did to deserve all the drama and hate she has made me have.

I dont understand how parents can just kick kids out at an early age and not give a damn about them.

i feel so worthless to her and i dunno what to go now or where to go from here

i just she would care for me and be proud of the things that i can acomplish, but it just seems that im not on her list of cares, which make me very upset and sad.

Please if you could help me i dont know where to go from here or what i should do to pull myslef through this.

[Duke]

I'm really sorry for what is happening to you, if you ask me, it's completely unfair.

I think you have done extremely well for yourself given the circumstances. If your correct about even half the things your mom is involved in then you should feel proud of yourself as well. It's so easy to get drawn into a world of negativity when it's surrounding you and it's all you know yet you have risen above it and flourished in school. Congratulations, I personally don't know you but I can honestly say, I'm very proud of you and I'm also extremely happy for you.

I wish I could give you some insight as to how to deal with your mother but the problem is that she isn't thinking rationally, or so it would seem from your post above. If this is indeed the case, it's a sad state of affairs indeed. I don't know that there's much you can do for your mother because she seems only to be living for the moment and only concerned for herself, not for her daughter (as she should be IMHO). It sounds to me like you have done all that you can do without watching your own life spiral down the drain as your mothers seems to be.

I think the only thing you can do is let your mother know that you are available for her (assuming you are) when she decides to clean up her act and actually be a mother for you. Until such time, I'd put some distance between her and surround yourself with caring, nurturing and supportive people (either friends or family). First I'd look toward family though because family is more likely to stay in your corner when controversy arises.

There's nothing you can do about your relationship with your mother either because she's clearly not considering the damage being done at this point (and likely never will). In fact, there's a strong possibility that she may not even be fully aware of the trouble it's causing you because she's too wrapped up in her own world. This I know from experience so it won't do you any good to continue questioning why your mom is the way she is, she just is so be glad your not. In fact, you can even be thankful to your mother for showing you a shining example of how not to be a parent.

My personal experience has been to allow my childhood to trouble me and I grew very bitter about it for many years until it finally rose to the surface and bit me in the @ss. I've now let go of my demons, part of it being a coming to terms (as I pretty much described above) as well as creating a site like this so you can discuss intimate details like this with someone and have yourself heard. Everything I've done in my youth was unhealthy so this is another reason I am proud of what you've accomplished.

I'm not sure if I've covered all the bases here or helped you whatsoever, if not, please feel free to ask more.

Sincerely,

Ken

[twinkle]

I have never been even close to what you're going through, in.

My honest oppinion, give her back her digital camera and her stuff, hope that she's moving outta state and stays there.

She is obviously not a stable person and has a bad influence on those around her, including her own kids. YOu need stability, you need to focuss on your education and on your life.

I know it's not the most caring advice, and it's horrible to cut your mom out of your life like that, but then, she's not a very good parent and you need to fight for a better life.

You are extremely courageous.

Hang in there,

Twinkle

[darkangelism]

I think that you need to live your life seperatly from your mom, it will be better for you, she is obviously having her own issues, possibly with drugs and needs help. Im sure she loves you, but she just doesnt express it. You have accomplished a lot, a 4.0 gpa is great. It seems like your sisters do care about you, and im sure you have friends that do, and you will find good people on here, so be the best you can be and your mom wil hopefully figure it all out later and be a good influence.

[Star]

I am so sorry that you're having to go through this.

I see here (from reading your post) a strong young girl that is determined to make a life for herself no matter what her mother says or does. You should be proud of yourself for being such a strong girl.

Your mother, by the sounds of your description of her in your post, sounds like she's got some addictions and demons of her own to deal with. I think the best thing that she can do for you is for her leaving the state, for now, until she gets her act together; if ever.

You seems to have a good home to live in with your sister and her family. Stay there until you real your goals in life. You are an amazing young lady, please be proud of who you are.

I too have been on my own since I was 16. I know it isn't easy but, it can be done and you can have a productive life in the end of it all. Like Duke said, surround yourself with people that love you and you'll be fine.

Also, it might not hurt for you to go and talk to a councellor about things that bother you with your mother. it might help you to put things in their place so you can move forward without dwelling over the "ifs, and or buts" about why this is happening to you.

The best of luck to you always and I know you will succeed into adulthood. You will survive because you're a strong willed girl. have faith in yourself darling.

[Merika]

I agree with the posts on here but one thing wasn't mentioned and it is....moms are just people with children. We aren't superhumans or have the ability to make our own life's hurts and disappointments go away. I know how bad I feel when I can't give my children what they want....I can only imagine how bad it would be not to be able to give my children what they need.

Follow your own path and change the cycle....but never forget that your mom probably loves you with all of her heart but life keeps getting in the way. Extend grace and mercy....no matter what.

[Meanon]

Your Mom is not being a good Mom and that will hurt. You did nothing to deserve this, you have every right to expect more.

She still loves you though and she's still your Mom. Her life is out of control. she's damaging herself, you and everyone around her. You've coped with it really well, making as stable a life for yourself as you can. Do you know how brave you are to have done that? Do you give yourself credit for it? are you proud of it?

i feel so worthless to her and i dunno what to go now or where to go from here

i just she would care for me and be proud of the things that i can acomplish, but it just seems that im not on her list of cares, which make me very upset and sad.

That's what you need to work on to get through this. Put aside the bad feelings for a while and think carefully about why your mother is the way she is. Ask your family. I'm sure you know really that the way she is comes from things to do with her, not you. It is sad, but it does not mean that you are worthless to her or anyone else, most of all to yourself. It doesn't mean that she doesn't care deeply for you. She's just not showing it right now.

This is a bad time for you, it will get better. Please don't make it worse by assuming that your mom's behaviour is a judgement of you. It's not. Resist viewing it that way or else before you know it you'll be blaming yourself and feeling worse. Seek out people who make you feel good, take care of yourself. You've come so far, you can do it, but not while you are sapping your strength with feelings of worthlessness. Please see a counsellor if you need help along the way. That's what they are there for.