Dealing withold issues

[Erin]

A bit of background info
My father was an alcoholic and when I was 5 my parents divorced, When I was 5 (4 months later) my mother remarried. This man was abusive. For 10 years I lived with the abuse and when I was put into foster homes I realised that how I was living was not right and moved out with my grand-parents. Not long after that social services took mee and my mother and my 2 little brothers to a safehouse for our protection.
I grew up is a state of perpetual depression and was diagnosed with chronic depression and post traumatic stress disorder 3 years ago. I am now 20.
I have been dealing with the odd problems since then and have dealt with it. 2 years ago in November my father passed away the same week I got his phonenumber to call and talk to him after 13 years.
I have been getting over the depression and what not but the problems I have been having is that I feel as though I fit in nowhere and I am just an outcast. I feel as though I am not normal.
Also as of late I have been dealing with a different sort of problem. I have red hair and freckles and I was always told I was so useless that I couldn't even wash the flyspots off of my face (reffering to my freckles) and my hatred for them got to the point where I would bleach and put ammonia on my face to try and wash/burn them off (I have never told anyone that). Now when I see my freckles or think of them I almost (or do) cry. I have tried to say to myself when I start to think that way "They are just skin pigmentation; that is all" but it doesn't seem to work. Does anyone know how I can change this. I am not asking to love them I am just asking to not hate them.

Noone else understands they all had perfect childhoods. Thanx

[Duke]

First off, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you Erin and now is a good a time as any to assure you, you and your freckles are more than welcome here! I too have freckles, as does my daughter and I wouldn't have it any other way because they add character to a face IMHO. Of course, now that I'm closing in on 40, my freckles have all but faded away but I will admit to missing their presence when I look in the mirror.

I'm very sorry for the turmoil you've experienced in your past and my heart goes out to you. The sad thing about a child suffering is the child eventually grows up to become an adult but the suffering never matures, it remains. I can tell from your post that you are a great person and I'm sure if you allow that inner beauty to radiate outward, others will see it as well. Just so you know, my mom also has red hair and freckles and she is one of the most beautiful women I've ever had the privilege of knowing.

Quite honestly, I don't think your freckles should even be on your mind. If you know people who judge you from appearances then you should be thankful because they've shown you what kind of losers they are deep down. Real friends do not judge you nor do they act in ways to hurt you. The same can be said for family members as well, just because their family that does not make them friends, unless they love and support you.

Thank you very much for your post. I sincerely hope you will feel welcome enough to continue posting here because we are all one big happy family of fun loving people.

Sincerely,

Ken

[Merika]

Freckles are considered hot these days. Think Lindsey Lohan.

I had some female cousins that were upset with their freckles when they were younger but as they got older they realized it was no big deal. You could check online to see what makeup products would help give you a look you will be happy with.

As far as everyone having happy childhoods, that isn't true. Each person has things about their own childhood that were bad. My kids don't even hear from their dead beat dad but once every few years. Sometimes life just sucks, but the trick is to pick up and realize that you are important and all these things that have happened to you have only served to make you stronger and more compassionate.

If you didn't read it in the welcome section.....let me welcome you to Lifesupporters again!

[Meanon]

Erin, people do understand if you explain it to them and not everyone has had a perfect childhood. I know people who have had similar childhoods to yours, have reacted in the same way and have overcome their problems, just like you are. Think back to how you overcame the depression, what was it that helped you? For most people, it's really understanding exactly how the mood is created in them, what the triggers are, what they do that helps and what doesn't, why it happens in the first place (in your case to do with your childhood). All of this helps them get a bit of distance on it, to see it as something other than them, an illness rather than their personality. Then they can get a bit of control over it and, with time, they get better at controlling the bad feelings. Is that how you did it?

It's just the same with the feelings of being not normal and everything that makes you feel that way (the freckles are probably just the most obvious sign for you). Do you know why it is you feel not normal, I mean do you know it's that you learnt it as a child because you were taught it? Do you realise that it's not true, that it's just a feeling that you can learn to control, just as you did the depression? If not, then this is what you need to work on. It's much easier to do this with someone else, a therapist. Have you seen one, could you find one? There's also some very good books that suggest things you can do that will help. PM me if you would like me to give you the title of one, you can buy it on Amazon. Do you still have the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms (re-living the trauma as if it were happening now?). there is a new, very effective treatment for that which works very quickly, called EMDR.

You've done really well so far, Erin. Keep trying and seeking support and you'll continue to succeed. Keep posting too!