My friend that ODed

[darkangelism]

In two weeks it will be exactly one year since the best friend i ever had overdosed on cocaine and morphine. I started talking to my counsellor about it and i was holding back crying, next session i will probably cry, which will be hard cause i dont like showing emotion. I feel like crap, i never really talked about the whole thing, i really dont even know where to start or what i want to say.

[Stone]

Someone very close to me ODed as well, she was practically my unrelated sister... It's very hard thing to deal with. and there are alot of unawnsered questions I still have... Did she do it on purpose? why didn't she stop? why didn't she call me for help ect? Did she go peacefully I know how you feel I'm here if you want to talk about it. it's been almost 1 year since christiana died to she would be only 19 this year. Every Christmas I will think of her, as I am sure you will with your friend. Just remember that they are in heaven or somewhere and they are watching over us.... Maby giving his parents a christmas card or call might help you.

[Meanon]

I really think we deal with things like this when we are ready, but the sooner you do talk about it the better. One year is not a long time to accept the death of someone you love without feeling distress, or feeling like crap when you remember them.

I lost a very close friend to cancer several years ago. After the very acute reaction at the time, I felt I should have got over it. I did, to a large extent. I cetainly wasn't unhappy, but thoughts of her, the deatils of her illness/death and the family she left behind would overwhelm me occasionally.

Often it's things with which we can identify most that we find distressing (in my case, parting from a young child). It's a reminder of our own mortality and how capricious life can be. Like you, I dreaded reminders of that awful time, anniversaries, birthdays etc.

I thought this would last forever, but 2 years after the event I began to wonder whether it wasn't time to talk about it again. I posted on a forum like this one, heard of similar experiences from others, got very upset and was able to put all the old torments to rest. Now I can remember her fondly, without all the distress.

I can't say much to console you, DA, other than to reassure you that what you feel is normal. You will one day remember your friend fondly, without distress and lead a richer life for having learned that life is fleeting and best lived to the full, every day.

[darkangelism]

I had grown away from him, so we didnt talk much after he got into drugs, the thought that i still cant overcome is that maybe if i had stopped him from using drugs in the beginning. He would have been 20 a month ago.

Im thinking about volunteering at an anti-drug place.

[Meanon]

How could you have stopped him, DA? Was it even possible? That's not the way these things usually go. People take a calculated risk that they think is low enough to get away with (and then there's a mistake or something goes wrong) or they are driven by forces such that well meaning friends would have little effect.

Anti-drug work is worthwhile but tends to be most effective either in risk reduction (by reducing ignorance) or by helping people who have decided that they have had enough of drugs. I think it unlikely you will save many innocents, if that is your motivation.

Other than that, I think it's a great idea. Why not give it a try? Do also try and remember the positive in your friend's life and find ways of learning from that too - maybe in the things you enjoyed doing together.

[Star]

I'm sorry for your loss. It isn't easy to lose someone you care for deaply. You couldn't of stopped your friend from doing the drugs. Unfortunately, the only person who could've done that is your friend.

My oldest daughter's biological family were all drug abusers. Both street and prescription drugs. In a matter of 5 years, 5 of the family members overdosed on drugs. After her bio father passed away, seems like 1 member of the family a year were dying because of the drugs. The last one to die was one of her bio cousins. another overdose. He was only about 10 years older then krystal.

It's good that you're talking to a counsellor about your grief.

[Merika]

I've lost a couple of friends to car accidents, one to suicide and one to cancer. Like Meanon said....there comes a time down the road when you remember the person for the relationship you shared rather than just hurting over the great loss.

With drugs....I can see where a person thinks perhaps they could've intervened. However, this hasn't proven to really work at all. You can't help someone unless they chose to be helped. I think contributing some time to a drug prevention group in order to be there for the people who ARE seeking help is a wonderful place to start.

You would be very good at that DA since you have such a sweet heart.

[Fayebelle]

I am so sorry for your loss

Check out this site

http://www.al-anon.org/

when I was 5 my father (I never knew him) committed suicide while high. He had a terrible drug prob but I carried guilt for YEARS as though at the tender age of 5 I could have battled the demons of a father I had never known. Counceling and Al Anon were crucial to helping me accept and forgive him.

I still have a bit of sadness that we never met, but I'm not angry and I'm not guilty. In that manner I'm probally leaps and bounds above other people who have survived the death of a loved one- let alone a drug related suicide. Al Anon was CRUCIAL in this transformation. I highly recommend you check it out.

Can't hurt right?

****HUGS****

[Merika]

Thanks for the link to the site Fayebelle. Duke may want to post it somewhere on the link's area for future reference. I've seen several people refer to it through the years of really being a helpful organization.

[Fayebelle]

They use a 12 step program like AA or NA b/c addiction causes behaviour in all that are near it- therefore they must all be TREATED even if they aren't the one actually suffering with addiction.

They help bring forgiveness and stop enabling behavior