From Alcoholic to Person addicted to Alcohol

[Luba]

I've had a very strong epiphany two weeks ago that has forever changed me, I believe! I've already posted some of what happened/is happening to me somewhere on Lifesupporters.

Anyway, very loving feelings have come to me as a result of this and I'm just floating on a cloud of gratitude that this happened to me! Things that used to hurt me no longer do. I HAVE FORGIVEN MY PAST! The sadness and despair I lived as a child of parents addicted to alcohol, which took years and years to get healed, and just when I thought I was, something else would come up and I'd be back practically to square one!

I no longer want to call my Dad or Mom an alcoholic/s! Instead I know they were troubled parents/people addicted to it, instead! I no longer want a label attached to their despair and the sadness they lived that drove them to liquor to survive their pain! Because of this change in my attitude, it has given me tremendous peace and I now am FREE to think and try to remember some good times, there must be some that I've buried because I lived in so much pain, trauma, and fear.

I spent most of today at work thinking of what wonderful people they were without the label and more understanding is coming my way! They gave me life and here I am! I can't and won't blame them anymore for the mistakes I've made in my life. They need to Rest in Peace!

In their day there was nowhere to turn to talk to about their problems. It was an age where 'what happened in the home stayed in the home'! It was considered shameful to talk about anything that wasn't quite right to anyone. People were supposed to put up a good front, and never mind the pain that was underneath!

My Dad had only Grade One and couldn't read; and yet he loved when I read to him. He came from a very dysfunctional background himself, one which I won't even go into because it was so bad; only to say he was one of eight children; several of which had different fathers.

My Mom came from a Father who was addicted to alcohol as well and lost a lot of what he had! So from alcohol background, she married into alcohol, raised three children the best way she knew how with little or no money, then took to drink herself.

So on it goes from generation to generation until someone finally stops the cycle, whether it be alcohol, drugs, or abuse! We need to share our pain, get help and live the best way we can for future generations.

I want to thank you so much, Ken, for Lifesupporters! This place has helped me laugh, cry, share, enjoy, make incredible friends who listen and support me! I thank you all for being my friends, I am SO grateful!

[IvyRose]

I heart you, Luba.

I'm sorry for all the pain you endured. I'm glad you were able to let go and heal. You are an excellent example of a fine human being.

[Duke]

I'm glad this site was here to help you come to terms with this Lu, I too know how hard it can be to face this alcohol issue.

Unlike yourself though I'm having a lot of trouble getting past my own issues with alcohol. Like you I recognized that alcohol was an issue in my life and would not allow it to control me so I quit drinking cold turkey; prolly one of the best decisions I've ever made.

I still enjoy a few drinks now and again but it's not uncommon for me to go 4 months or more without a drop of alcohol. Now if I drink I do so only socially or at home after I've successfully completed long-standing tasks/projects as a celebration of sorts. I no longer get plastered nor do I want to, I have a few drinks in moderation, catch a buzz and quit.

My problem stems from the fact that I've seen what a person can do if they have the presence of mind to do it. I realize when you were young life was completely different as we didn't have information piped into our homes nonstop as we do in todays world.

I think this is my biggest source of tension really, how can you abuse anything in this day and age if you know the adverse affects? What troubles me more is abusing substances in the presence of children.

Of course I'm only 6 or 7 years into my journey of self discovery and acceptance with the world around me so maybe my thoughts will change as I mature.

Who knows?

[Luba]

Originally Posted by IvyRose

I heart you, Luba.

I'm sorry for all the pain you endured. I'm glad you were able to let go and heal. You are an excellent example of a fine human being.

Thank you for the post and for the hug, IvyRose!

I continue to try to strive for betterment every day and I am getting awesome, miraculous results, really! Since I forgave myself and everyone for whom I've carried hurt or pain, it set me SO free, I just can't explain it in words, it's in how I feel! I am SO grateful, SO thankful!

I have read SO much literature about the Ego and what it does to a person, holding on to numerous hurts or injustices! I am SO conscious now when it's the real me or the ego trying to get through. It's amazing the difference when I'm constantly aware and conscious of each moment!

Yesterday, at Work, I looked around the room filled with people working, and I couldn't help smiling in my heart, I had nothing but good thoughts and feelings about each one! Even if I don't know a person just hired, I usually introduce myself and he/she does, too! How amazing when he/she walks by the next time and glances my way with a smile or a hello! That fraction of an instant adds to the delight and gratitude of my day, and at the end of the day I am SO at Peace, SO grateful, and SO humbled!