Adult Children of Alcoholics - Home life

[Luba]

http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.or...alcoholics.htm

Secrecy - When you grow up in the home of alcoholic parents, you tend to think that your household is the only one that has the problems that go along with alcoholism.

Adult Children of Alcoholics – Findin problems that go along with alcoholism.

Others become responsible, miniature adults.

The coping behaviors of childhood often carry into the lives of adult children of alcoholics.

The super responsible person may grow into an adult, demanding perfection of him or herself and those around them.

Many adult children of alcoholics experience low self-esteem, a difficult time enjoying life, too serious of an attitude about him or herself, a need to constantly seek the approval of others, and trying to find affirmation that they are okay as a person.

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I've worked incredibly hard in my life overcoming that last paragraph. I do not experience low self-esteem anymore, but it took SO many, many years to overcome that! I shudder at how many years I've wasted losing many, many irreplaceable hours over that one figuring EVERYBODY was better than me! I married into a family that SEEMED so loving and close to each other until I finally stood up for myself. That's a whole other story. I couldn't believe when people told me I took everything so seriously, and did finally discover that to be true, and then a POSITIVE thing happened. I discovered how much I LOVED to laugh! It was like releasing a dam, all that pent up laughter just waiting to bubble up to the surface. A serious look from another would make me wonder "What did I do wrong?" Wow! It has taken so much inner work to get through all that! Sometimes I find I still revert to some of those behaviours, but I know what they are now and how to deal with them in an instant! Takes a LOT of work and now I can say I'm a very contented and grateful person!

[TKDLady]

You are a wonderful person Luba. I hope someday to overcome like you have. You are my mentor I guess. Gosh, how I wish we could meet and talk in person.

[Star]

this topic hits home. i grew up with an alcoholic father and lots of fighting in the house. alcohol does a lot of damage to afamily.

I used to be embarassed to bring my friends home so i avoided that like the plague. although my dad was hardly home, when he was, it was hell. my mother started going to al-anon and i even tried going to al-ateen then later al-anon. but, i moved out at 16 and that was a releaf for me, i suppose.

it has affected me in my adult life. although i'm not an alcoholic myself, i did my share of drinking in my 20's and the boyfriends i chose were drinkers, including my husband. i can't stand the smell of alcohol nor can i stand to be round people who are drunk. it just grosses me out and brings this feeling back inside of me.

my husband hasn't touched a drink in about 8 years and it's nice. to support him, i don't drink either.

we're 4 kids in the family. my youngest brother didn't see what the rest of us did. lucky for him. i have 1 brother who has followed into my dad's footsteps with his drinking. he has yet to admit he's got a problem, hopefully one day he will.

I was a very shy girl most of my life. I have overcome that to a certain degree but it's still there. i do worry at times what people think of me. the magnatude of damage to the self-esteem being brought up in an alcoholic home does to a child is tremendous and if you don't get help at some point in time, it can affect you for the rest of your life. after krystal was born, i went to talk to a psychiatrist. the things he said to me was enough to boost my self-esteem up high enough that i was okay after that.

I learned that my dad's problem was his. he owns it, not us. and to accept and love him for who he is. put the past behind me, left it there where it belongs and moved on. today, my dad is nowhere near what he was. he drinks occasionally but controls himself now. i still have a problem with him drinking but, it's not my problem, it's his so i hide my feelings from him when i see him with a bottle of beer in his hand.

as bad as my childhood was, i wouldn't change thing. it made me the person i am today.

[Luba]

Originally Posted by tkdlady

You are a wonderful person Luba. I hope someday to overcome like you have. You are my mentor I guess. Gosh, how I wish we could meet and talk in person.

Your post brought such gratitude to my heart and tears to my eyes! I THANK you from the bottom of my Soul! I am SO grateful we have become friends!

I used to be embarassed to bring my friends home so i avoided that like the plague. it has affected me in my adult life.I was a very shy girl most of my life. I learned that my dad's problem was his.as bad as my childhood was, i wouldn't change thing. it made me the person i am today.

Star, SO much of what you said brings it home for me, too! I am SO grateful that we can share the painful times in our life on Lifesupporters and TALK about it! So, so many years I didn't talk about it, I felt so alone!

I LOVED my Mom and Dad so much, I felt it was dishonourable to talk about my painful childhood, but I realized I had to for it to be healed. They weren't bad people out to ruin my life, I KNOW that, they loved me very much! I learned how to love from them, but they just didn't love each other! I am above it now because I know how to LOVE from them and that is what I concentrate on...but every so often, like the article I found, it comes up again, and I feel I need to talk about it a little more. Just means I need a little more healing and that is okay!

I am grateful, also, for everything because it also made me the person I am today. I think of myself as very loving, kind, caring, and understanding. At least I try with the understanding part.

[Star]

the way i see things now are so different then how i used to see them. i know my parents loved me. how could they not? i'm their only little girl. they just did the best they could that they knew how at that time. i don't even think there's anything to forgive.

they are excellent grandparents and through that, i see how good they both are. i know they live with a ton of regrets where us kids are concerned but, i have none. they've shown me more love then anything negative IMO.

I think people like us that grow up this way make us stronger people in the end. we're survivors and that is huge! that's our foundation right there.

[Luba]

Originally Posted by Star

I think people like us that grow up this way make us stronger people in the end. we're survivors and that is huge! that's our foundation right there.

I SO agree, Star!