im sorry aj i been absent and havent kept up with the new threads,
i just read this entire thing and i love it, your very talented at expressive writing, and i really hope you'll keep it up.
every thing we do in life has negative and positives, i do with my photography as you do with your writing. so remember if i point anything out that seems a bit negative, its just advice, and my opinion. and for every negative sounding thing i say about your creative writing, there is much more positive!
i enjoyed the story, and the characters seemed very realistic, but id of enjoyed reading a little bit into their backgrounds. having a past in a story is a great way of building up a character, and for people reading it to understand that person a little bit more and a little bit closer to how the author is trying to project them to the readers.
an example of this would be:
Quote:
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"She's asked me to go back to Australia with her."
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why would an american have been in australia to begin with? how did she go from being an american to living in australia, to being back in america?
also when you do long dialogs between the character, throw in a name here and there just so people dont get confused between the two (or however many)
ie.
Quote:
“Please don’t.” she begged.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t say it.”
“But isn’t this what you want?”
“Yes…no…God…” She felt around beside herself for the door handle, desperately trying to escape what she had always wanted.
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you could change the first line of that to
"Please don't." begged Ashley
it helps separate who says what and makes it easier to follow for readers.
i hope this helps a bit, and you dont think im being a bit over-critic, when i look at the photos i take i have to be self-criticizing, because i want my photos to be perfect. and while i know i can never achive it, i strive to get as close to it as i can, and its other peoples perspective on things that point out the little things you dont think of when you look over your own work.
all in all Aj, i loved the story, and i think if you keep it up, they can only get better and better!
x