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IR_Efrem · 05-05-2008, 12:58 PM

I can vividly recall many of the emotions that you are explaining. I can remember trying to immediately change and hoping that she would see this change.

What I was trying to do was change for her. Trying to sculpt myself for her liking. If health is a concern for you, then by all means help yourself become a healthier person. You need to do this for yourself though. If you are trying to enact an immediate change for her, to get her back, she will not be receptive to these changes.

I ended up sinking to an all time low through the course of our separation and eventual divorce. My true friends and family brought me back, a strong realization that I had to do what was right for me led to the realization that, If I wasn't a stable person then how could I possible raise my children.

Simply put you have to be happy with you and have confidence in yourself. I cannot say that your situation is the same as mine, because it is not. Both me and my ex actively pushed each other away in many ways. I do remember just blaming myself in the beginning. Trust me when I say, NO one knows how to "deal" with separation, it is truly a matter of time. The scars never go away, they just lighten up so they aren't so noticeable anymore.

I wanted me and her to be together so very badly at that time and I really did not consider anything else as a possibility. Everything centered around that one thought, must try to fix this.....

Now I scoff at the idea and I am in a much better situation in my life. My fiance is the greatest woman that I have ever met. If any of my previous relationship had not ended, I would not have met her.

This doesn't mean that hardships didn't follow my divorce. I immediately jumped into a relationship right afterwards, it did not last long at all because I was not ready. I got married a second time and it ended badly as well. That was an entirely different circumstance though, with some rather extreme happenings.

I know that time will help you realize many things, but please do not just place blame on yourself for all the small incidentals in life. I firmly believe that it takes two to make a relationship work.

My thoughts are with you, my friend. Lean on your friends and family when you need support. We are always here to listen and support as well, you are not alone

05-05-2008, 12:58 PM	#3 (permalink)
IR_Efrem Moderator Join Date: Aug 2007 Posts: 682	Re: Day 5 I can vividly recall many of the emotions that you are explaining. I can remember trying to immediately change and hoping that she would see this change. What I was trying to do was change for her. Trying to sculpt myself for her liking. If health is a concern for you, then by all means help yourself become a healthier person. You need to do this for yourself though. If you are trying to enact an immediate change for her, to get her back, she will not be receptive to these changes. I ended up sinking to an all time low through the course of our separation and eventual divorce. My true friends and family brought me back, a strong realization that I had to do what was right for me led to the realization that, If I wasn't a stable person then how could I possible raise my children. Simply put you have to be happy with you and have confidence in yourself. I cannot say that your situation is the same as mine, because it is not. Both me and my ex actively pushed each other away in many ways. I do remember just blaming myself in the beginning. Trust me when I say, NO one knows how to "deal" with separation, it is truly a matter of time. The scars never go away, they just lighten up so they aren't so noticeable anymore. I wanted me and her to be together so very badly at that time and I really did not consider anything else as a possibility. Everything centered around that one thought, must try to fix this..... Now I scoff at the idea and I am in a much better situation in my life. My fiance is the greatest woman that I have ever met. If any of my previous relationship had not ended, I would not have met her. This doesn't mean that hardships didn't follow my divorce. I immediately jumped into a relationship right afterwards, it did not last long at all because I was not ready. I got married a second time and it ended badly as well. That was an entirely different circumstance though, with some rather extreme happenings. I know that time will help you realize many things, but please do not just place blame on yourself for all the small incidentals in life. I firmly believe that it takes two to make a relationship work. My thoughts are with you, my friend. Lean on your friends and family when you need support. We are always here to listen and support as well, you are not alone __________________ Don't drink and park, accidents cause people. "The moon is more important than the sun, because at night we need the light more."