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lewsterrett · 05-05-2008, 09:59 AM

I dont know if its just me or whether there are peopke that are either pulling away or getting closer. I have noticed that there are some that have pulled away. There are others that have come closer and sill others that have come close have puled away. I know that this is a burden that I alone must bear. I am at work. She dropped my son off to the house while I was in the shower. I dont think she came in. I didnt ask my son. I am making it a point to not bring her up around him. I dont know what to do in this arena. I talked to him briefly. He had gone fishing with my wife and her friends. He told me about the fish they caught and he sounded like he had fun. I dont know how to fish. I bought all the fishing gear for us as Christmas gifts and we have been out once but didnt catch anything.

I have been doing alot of relecting. I have been doing the "what i could have done differently". I realize alot of things within myself that were fundamentally wrong. one of the items was the fishing. although i had the gear i really didnt take the time to take us out and start using it. There are alot of things like this that I could have done differntly an for whwtever reason i have had blinders on for a while. This led to the current situation.

When i spoke to my wife she made mention that I am engaged alot more into work than I am at home. I must have really been tuned out for this to happen as i am really idling at work and it isnt really challenging and doesnt really take too much of my time.

The conclusion really is that im my worst enemy. i created the situation. i cursed the blessed. when my wife found her new friend i was quick to curse because she was getting a friendship that she felt she had lost with me. when i started getting jealous of that i tried to reel her in and that added fuel to the embers that were glowing. i was being told along with my mindset already made up that in fact her freind was my advoacate. she was helping my wife in any way possible to keep our marriage intact. hindsight is 20/20
add ther other factors and this brings me to the current situation and day 5.

I dont mean to come here ever day and after a while you see day 311 or day 425 or anything like that. I am merely trying to cope and i dont know how.
i do miss her terribly and if she came back today you would be able to hear and feel my joy from wherever you are. I would change and i now know the steps to keep it from happening again. I pray to God that all is not lost and that we can grow old together. We can fulfill the dreams that I had forgotten about.

Talikng to her provided insight. she felt that she didnt have to tell me anything. She was very cold and tried her best to get me off the phone short of hanging up. My health was her top concern as well as the other issues. I have addressed the health. I am working on the other. The grace of God is what is keeping me semi fuctioning at this point. Im at work in a farmilliar place but i feel stangely empty. I slept last night for 7 hours. Its the longest i have been able to sleep. It was due to pure exhaustion. The walking has been a great stress reliever but i still have my hert pounding for almost no good reason. Thank you everyone for your kind words. It is my wish that no one goes through this as this is my challenge of a lifetime.

05-05-2008, 09:59 AM	#1 (permalink)
lewsterrett Casual Member Join Date: May 2008 Location: texas Posts: 30	Day 5 I dont know if its just me or whether there are peopke that are either pulling away or getting closer. I have noticed that there are some that have pulled away. There are others that have come closer and sill others that have come close have puled away. I know that this is a burden that I alone must bear. I am at work. She dropped my son off to the house while I was in the shower. I dont think she came in. I didnt ask my son. I am making it a point to not bring her up around him. I dont know what to do in this arena. I talked to him briefly. He had gone fishing with my wife and her friends. He told me about the fish they caught and he sounded like he had fun. I dont know how to fish. I bought all the fishing gear for us as Christmas gifts and we have been out once but didnt catch anything. I have been doing alot of relecting. I have been doing the "what i could have done differently". I realize alot of things within myself that were fundamentally wrong. one of the items was the fishing. although i had the gear i really didnt take the time to take us out and start using it. There are alot of things like this that I could have done differntly an for whwtever reason i have had blinders on for a while. This led to the current situation. When i spoke to my wife she made mention that I am engaged alot more into work than I am at home. I must have really been tuned out for this to happen as i am really idling at work and it isnt really challenging and doesnt really take too much of my time. The conclusion really is that im my worst enemy. i created the situation. i cursed the blessed. when my wife found her new friend i was quick to curse because she was getting a friendship that she felt she had lost with me. when i started getting jealous of that i tried to reel her in and that added fuel to the embers that were glowing. i was being told along with my mindset already made up that in fact her freind was my advoacate. she was helping my wife in any way possible to keep our marriage intact. hindsight is 20/20 add ther other factors and this brings me to the current situation and day 5. I dont mean to come here ever day and after a while you see day 311 or day 425 or anything like that. I am merely trying to cope and i dont know how. i do miss her terribly and if she came back today you would be able to hear and feel my joy from wherever you are. I would change and i now know the steps to keep it from happening again. I pray to God that all is not lost and that we can grow old together. We can fulfill the dreams that I had forgotten about. Talikng to her provided insight. she felt that she didnt have to tell me anything. She was very cold and tried her best to get me off the phone short of hanging up. My health was her top concern as well as the other issues. I have addressed the health. I am working on the other. The grace of God is what is keeping me semi fuctioning at this point. Im at work in a farmilliar place but i feel stangely empty. I slept last night for 7 hours. Its the longest i have been able to sleep. It was due to pure exhaustion. The walking has been a great stress reliever but i still have my hert pounding for almost no good reason. Thank you everyone for your kind words. It is my wish that no one goes through this as this is my challenge of a lifetime.