[laki33]

Originally Posted by IR_Efrem

Life is funny sometimes. I know your pain my friend. I'll save you all the "it will get better speeches." I hit an absolute low after me and my wife split up and I jumped into a relationship completely devout of everything. I didn't care for the woman, beyond normal friendship, and I fooled myself into thinking I was ready for a relationship and just moved in with her. I told her that I loved her and ended up leaving her a month later when the grief came back around.

I hit rock bottom again, with the initial feelings of just having a warm body next to me, gone. Just like Luba has said, I turned inwardly and rediscovered who "I" am as a separate person, which I believe is one of the most important things.

Being a couple and being married is a great thing but you have to remain separate people in order to deal with everything that comes in life.

All reasons aside look at this from the outside. Your wife and you have hit a wall. Of course you are both having difficulties. I do not know her problems but look at what has been happening. She has some guy whispering in her ear, probably telling her all she wants to hear. ------- "Life could be so great if we were together because we both think the same about this or that" - "Yes that husband of yours does not understand you like I do" - "Oh yes I agree, I feel that way about life as well, Not like your husband" Now add this to a person that has some esteem issues or she isn't so sure about what life is supposed to be offering her...........

All these great words and empathy, that have ZERO to do with reality or how life actually works, have been feeding your wife's ego and have been very comforting to her. You are in love with her and you want her, I can tell. I had my moments of wanting to reject my EX and I had strong moments of wanting her, plus the same feelings that you describe.

You sound like you want things to work out (but you are confused about these awful feelings) and I am not certain what your wife wants. What do you do?

Play the waiting game and hope?
Insist she choose now?
Do you file for divorce now?
Can you trust her?
Does she want you?

I cannot say what is right for you, but I do know the children do not need to be in limbo. Your grief will pass VERY quickly in comparison to how how much time will be needed for your children to just accept and cope with separated parents.

I hate to sound like I know it all, but I cannot help but feel that you and your wife need to make a choice, one way or the other, just for the sake of your children.

I wish I had a chance to go back and make things a TON better for my children. It's not hard to forget about a lot of things when we are hit so suddenly by this amount of grief, anger and hurt. I'm not saying that you will indeed make the same mistakes that I did. Just remember they will be impacted the most of all the people (yourself included).

Thanks! Well, I tried again, gone as far as begging and couldn't get an answer. She told me she wasn't in love with me anymore and that's all i needed to hear. Now i have closure i wanted. She told me she wasn't happy and that she doesn't want this life again. I am just so mad that she had plenty of opportunites to call this off before kids came. I had my doubts too, but once we decided to have kids i left them behind. Our kids were not unplanned. I just feel she robbed me of my life without regards for kids or me, because of her own insecurities to call this off earlier. Now that i invested all of me in this relationship, i am left with nothing. I know i have my kids and that's the most important thing. It's just that i wanted to spend everyday with them. I wanted to live with my kids every day and watch them grow not just see them on weekends. I understand we all attract people and things into our lives i just never wanted to attract a person that was immature and didn't know what she wanted from life. I know there always worse things. I just hope i can get myself together and work and not think about this. At least now i know where i stand and have to pull myself back up. Thanks for all your help!