[IR_Efrem]

Life is funny sometimes. I know your pain my friend. I'll save you all the "it will get better speeches." I hit an absolute low after me and my wife split up and I jumped into a relationship completely devout of everything. I didn't care for the woman, beyond normal friendship, and I fooled myself into thinking I was ready for a relationship and just moved in with her. I told her that I loved her and ended up leaving her a month later when the grief came back around.

I hit rock bottom again, with the initial feelings of just having a warm body next to me, gone. Just like Luba has said, I turned inwardly and rediscovered who "I" am as a separate person, which I believe is one of the most important things.

Being a couple and being married is a great thing but you have to remain separate people in order to deal with everything that comes in life.

All reasons aside look at this from the outside. Your wife and you have hit a wall. Of course you are both having difficulties. I do not know her problems but look at what has been happening. She has some guy whispering in her ear, probably telling her all she wants to hear. ------- "Life could be so great if we were together because we both think the same about this or that" - "Yes that husband of yours does not understand you like I do" - "Oh yes I agree, I feel that way about life as well, Not like your husband" Now add this to a person that has some esteem issues or she isn't so sure about what life is supposed to be offering her...........

All these great words and empathy, that have ZERO to do with reality or how life actually works, have been feeding your wife's ego and have been very comforting to her. You are in love with her and you want her, I can tell. I had my moments of wanting to reject my EX and I had strong moments of wanting her, plus the same feelings that you describe.

You sound like you want things to work out (but you are confused about these awful feelings) and I am not certain what your wife wants. What do you do?

Play the waiting game and hope?
Insist she choose now?
Do you file for divorce now?
Can you trust her?
Does she want you?

I cannot say what is right for you, but I do know the children do not need to be in limbo. Your grief will pass VERY quickly in comparison to how how much time will be needed for your children to just accept and cope with separated parents.

I hate to sound like I know it all, but I cannot help but feel that you and your wife need to make a choice, one way or the other, just for the sake of your children.

I wish I had a chance to go back and make things a TON better for my children. It's not hard to forget about a lot of things when we are hit so suddenly by this amount of grief, anger and hurt. I'm not saying that you will indeed make the same mistakes that I did. Just remember they will be impacted the most of all the people (yourself included).