[Vautrin]

I think separation confronts people with the realities of a (possible) loss. And only then we realise how much we had; how much we loved the other person at those times.

I think it is a bit similar to instances when you are reflecting upon a childhood (assuming it was a normal, non-toxic environment). In retrospect we can see how happy we were, but at the time itself we were way too busy doing whatever, to even consider happiness.

A separation is not definitive. Sometimes it is possible to overcome the issues that led to the separation. If you have been together for 17 years, I doubt your communication has always been ineffective or counterproductive. And there is even less reason to assume you chose these patterns willingly. Sure, noone communicates perfectly. But sometimes there are reasons for it (too much stress, money worries, sickness, etc), and once those are taken care off adequately, the communication may become adequate enough again.

Are you still in touch with her?