[IR_Efrem]

I used to write quite a bit, to share a bit of myself and to my loved one. That practice has stopped though, the meaning of it all seems to be tainted (or some how means less to me) because of the surrounding circumstances. I poured my heart out several times (on paper) and I lost a part of myself when the relationship ended.

Once upon waking, somewhere between being truly awake and asleep, I had a vision. A vision that I'll not soon forget.

I was laying in the center of a large stone tower. In the center of that tower was a rug, to me it seemed a very old rug. Truly beautiful, the rug was oriental in design. The pattern was deceiving to the eye, because at first there seemed to be none. Then after closely examining the pattern, which seemed to lead to nowhere, you could tell that the maker had something wonderful in mind, for all the points that lead outward seemed to close back to the center of the rug, in a lovely array of colors in many different hues. This is where i spent my days, examining this pattern inside my prison. I cannot remember how I got to this place, and it most certainly did not seem to matter anymore. This is where I have been and where I must stay, so I told myself. Outside my prison I could hear laughter, the sounds of children, life in general. This sounded very appealing to me, but I knew, I must stay in this place. Safe inside not chancing anything new, this was all I knew, all I've ever known.

One morning I awoke again to hear the sounds outside, something in my prison seemed different. I looked around, the same stone walls, same beautiful rug. Nothing tangible but something was amiss. Once again I sat on my rug, studying the pattern, for I never failed to find something new there. Then without warning the carpet lifted off the ground. My first thought was to jump, I did not want to leave my prison, but something inside, a soft whisper perhaps, told me to stay. The carpet rose further and further, I was truly afraid at this point, but then I heard it again. That soft whisper, or was it really a whisper? That I do not know, but I stayed as the rug rose higher and higher lifting me out of my tower. At the top of my tower i could see those below. They all seemed familiar some how. Then the rug started off towards the side of a mountain close by. The path it lead me down was through a valley in the mountain. Along the way I could see the faces of those below. These people i did know! Those from my past, they looked upon me with no particular interest. I saw in there eyes a longing to be free and all at once I did not begrudge my staying in my tower. I did not want that to be me, hoping for an escape from the things I couldn't change. Truly I was terrified, I was going somewhere without knowing. There was nothing familiar in my surroundings.

Then I heard it again, this time a pronounced whisper. The sound was comforting, it held my spirit, and made me feel calm once again. The rug kept going down the valley to this unknown place. As quickly as it had started going up the rug slowed, then lowered to the ground. Where I stopped I could see a cave, once again the whisper, this time it was beckoning me. Slowly at first, for me steps were tentative at that point, I started moving towards the cave opening. I started walking, then a jog, and before i knew it the whisper was no more. Now it was virtually a shout in my mind. Beckoning me more and more. Before I knew it I was running, running away from all I knew. Running from my prison, trying to escape all those behind me. I know not how long I ran through this dimly lit corridor, but at last I saw strong light ahead. My steps slowed and I nearly faltered at the opening to the brilliant room ahead. This time no whisper or shout was there, a gentle voice called out for me to enter. The single most lovely voice I have ever heard. Upon hearing this voice I entered and there I saw.


I saw you.


I wrote this to a person that I was completely and totally in love with, at a time in my life when I was truly learning a lot about me and what it was to be in love. I found out that all my feelings meant nothing and that she did not have the courage to allow us to be together. Like I said, I lost something.