[Zil]

I guess I'll just post this here:

Tomorrow is my birthday. (March 5th)

Not really a day I look forward to anymore. lol

Well, I have been thinking about this for quite some time now and I have decided to give myself quite possibly the best birthday present I could ever have...

I'm going to be sending in an application and a video entry to The Biggest Loser.

Some might roll their eyes and think ...well, think whatever they/you want. I didn't even watch the show until a few months ago because I had grown so fed up with all the so-called "reality shows" on television. I'd much rather watch a funny sitcom myself than 99% of those shows.

But this show is different. Even if you don't "win" - you don't lose, either. People go on this show to try and win $250,000 - sure, but they primarily go on it for the chance to change their lives by losing excess weight that they have been carrying around for years, and sometimes... all their life.

That's where I fit in. I can't remember being small, skinny, whatever. I've seen pictures of myself when I was a child, but I don't remember much of back then. The majority of my memories are filled with being picked on in every school I ever went to for being the fat kid in class. And to make it worse, I went to a lot of different schools growing up so instead of just being the new kid, I was always the new *fat* kid.

Don't get me wrong, I have had the absolute best parents in my life and they always have done their best to show me how much they love me and I'm sure every decision they made to move to new ares was always a difficult one for them, but I believe they always did everything while keeping in mind what was best for our entirely family. I say that because I don't want it to come across as if I hold any ill-will towards my parents for having to move around as much as we did, because I don't. But, having said that, always being the new *fat* kid at all the schools I went to growing up... well, it wasn't easy.

So, I want to make one of the biggest changes of my life. I want the chance to go on this show and discover the *ME* underneath all the excess weight I've always remembered carrying around my entire life.

People who know me in person know where I'm coming from. I mean, I am a pretty big guy.. always have been. You guys here know me solely from online and might be thinking I'm going a bit overboard.

Well, there's a reason the majority of my pictures I post online are headshots - I have nothing to show off and I've always been ashamed of this body I'm in.

As of posting this, I am only ten pounds away from the heaviest point I've ever been in my life - and that was 290 lbs. So, yep.. right know I weigh 280 lbs and I'd love a chance to go on this show and completely change my life. The money isn't the driving force, but it's the fact that I'm fed up and I really want to make this change happen. The hardest part is to know how to go about it -- I need a teacher. I need a trainer. I need the experience this show provides to jump-start everything because I really don't know how I could make this happen in my life otherwise.

So, wish me luck. Pray for me. Send good thoughts/vibes my way. Whatever you wanna do, I need the support.

Heck, write NBC a letter. Haha!

Happy Birthday to ME. <3