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IvyRose · 02-28-2008, 02:20 PM

I write this not only for myself, but for someone out there that may be going through a similar situation.

I am an incest survivor. My predator was not only amongst trusted family members that had a huge hand in raising me, but was also female. She was the matriarch of our family and no one, except for me, dared to confront her on anything.

From the time I can remember, three years old, up until the last time she touched me when I was sixteen years old; she would treat me like a boyfriend. She would sometimes drug me and sometimes not.

Only one family member knew of what was going on and encouraged me to gain help through an outside source. I was sixteen years old before I uttered a word to anyone and my family sure did make me pay for opening my mouth.

I thought it was just a family problem and didn't want to get anyone in trouble. I kept this to myself until I was afraid another family member was in danger of being molested as well.

I stood up in the middle of dinner and announced to everyone what she had done. To my surprise, no one believed me. They called me a liar and said that I was making up stories about her. She was wonderful and could never do such a terrible thing to anyone.

Shortly after, I just wanted to die. I took a destructive path, not only trying to prove to myself that I wasn't homosexual by being promiscuous, but also entering the gates of substance abuse.

My recovery began almost as soon as I had started on this rage filled destructive path and I became someone that I wanted to be. After releasing this information that had been a dark family secret, I felt free and a clean young adult with goals set for the future.

My family for years still didn't believe me, but we did try and communicate. I was used as an escape goat for many years for them and that was fine. I knew in my heart that the truth would prevail in the end.

It did. She died about 5 years ago. My family met, by accident, family she had never spoke about. She was hiding an entire family from us and us from them. We found out she was ashamed of all of us and her family didn't even know she had been married, let alone had children.

We found out she was a pathological liar. There is still a question up in the air as to if I am actually blood related to her at all.

My family still won't talk to me, but not because they're mad at me. I would tell all over again if I could save just one person. I did make a mistake, I should have told the police while it was happening. She had started becoming an authoritive figure over children and that should have been prevented.

My anger is gone. I do realize she must have been abused, despite what her family is now telling us. She can't hurt anyone anymore and I can sleep at night now.

Thanks for reading...

02-28-2008, 02:20 PM	#1 (permalink)
IvyRose Dedicated Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 583	Dark Family Secrets I write this not only for myself, but for someone out there that may be going through a similar situation. I am an incest survivor. My predator was not only amongst trusted family members that had a huge hand in raising me, but was also female. She was the matriarch of our family and no one, except for me, dared to confront her on anything. From the time I can remember, three years old, up until the last time she touched me when I was sixteen years old; she would treat me like a boyfriend. She would sometimes drug me and sometimes not. Only one family member knew of what was going on and encouraged me to gain help through an outside source. I was sixteen years old before I uttered a word to anyone and my family sure did make me pay for opening my mouth. I thought it was just a family problem and didn't want to get anyone in trouble. I kept this to myself until I was afraid another family member was in danger of being molested as well. I stood up in the middle of dinner and announced to everyone what she had done. To my surprise, no one believed me. They called me a liar and said that I was making up stories about her. She was wonderful and could never do such a terrible thing to anyone. Shortly after, I just wanted to die. I took a destructive path, not only trying to prove to myself that I wasn't homosexual by being promiscuous, but also entering the gates of substance abuse. My recovery began almost as soon as I had started on this rage filled destructive path and I became someone that I wanted to be. After releasing this information that had been a dark family secret, I felt free and a clean young adult with goals set for the future. My family for years still didn't believe me, but we did try and communicate. I was used as an escape goat for many years for them and that was fine. I knew in my heart that the truth would prevail in the end. It did. She died about 5 years ago. My family met, by accident, family she had never spoke about. She was hiding an entire family from us and us from them. We found out she was ashamed of all of us and her family didn't even know she had been married, let alone had children. We found out she was a pathological liar. There is still a question up in the air as to if I am actually blood related to her at all. My family still won't talk to me, but not because they're mad at me. I would tell all over again if I could save just one person. I did make a mistake, I should have told the police while it was happening. She had started becoming an authoritive figure over children and that should have been prevented. My anger is gone. I do realize she must have been abused, despite what her family is now telling us. She can't hurt anyone anymore and I can sleep at night now. Thanks for reading...